It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you. Without some foolery to fall out to.
Blah blah blah screenwriting taking up my whole life blah. Let’s get right to it, my lovely Pinchers!
I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I love intelligent ignance. It’s better than plain intelligence and better than plain ignance. It’s this fusion of two things I love that brings me life.
Let’s get nostalgic. Ya’ll remember Reading Rainbow, right? Duh, of course you do. Anything else is scientifically impossible. Plus, Levar Burton (in his awesomeness) will never let you forget. It’s such a beloved show because it had kids flying twice as high, presumably higher than a butterfly in the sky.
And for those of us who believe children are our future, reading is fundamental, especially for the kiddies. And we try to get them to read so they’re not… ignant.
Wellll…
What if I told you that the VERY hot mess that personifies NOT reading was combined with reading? Think it cancels each other out? Hmmm…
Take a look, in a book… at my live commentary:
0:00 – YES, you read that right. It’s DMX infused with Reading Rainbow. Shenanigans SHALL ensue.
0:02 – K, DMX lettin’ ya’ll know that this is that real shit, yo. Because reading IS real. A reading rainbow might not be (O_O I’m just playin’ kids, it IS real… then again you shouldn’t be reading this, get out grown folks bidness!), but reading?! That’s a real issue. Because the internet will SHOLE show you that… well, it’s a fundamental exercise that more people need to participate in. Oop!
0:06 – DMX doing his hype growl because he obviously excited about literacy.
0:09 – AWWWWW snap, you know it’s bout to be a party when DMX says, “COME ON!”… I already know this joint could legit be at the club. o_____O
0:11 – For some reason, I see “I can go twice as high” as something… different with this DMX ad-libs fusion. Different as in… I think of drugs. I have no clue why. -_-
0:13 – LMAO… “take a look… nigga!” See, this is where DMX tryna speak to the hood. You know how folks speak in the language of the community in order to get through to them? This what DMX is doing. I bet he got their attention… and yours too.
0:17 – YOU THINK IT’S A GAME?! Tell ‘em, DMX! Because if you think Reading Rainbow is a game, then you will lose. At life.
0:23 – “I can go anywhere… suck my…” HOL’ UP. Did he just tell ya’ll to suck his SAW-SEEGE? LMAO, I can go anywhere indeed. Is DMX’s peen in Google Maps? It’s prolly on 69 S Deez Nuts Blvd or somethin’.
0:29 – HERE WE GO AGAIN. Ish finna get extra hype now.
0:34 – “I can be anything…. same ol’ shit, WHAT?!” ROFL, I feel like DMX is responding to the singer now. Like, oh we back at this part again? At the bridge? Just repeatin the same ol’ ish over and over, huh?
0:38 – There’s something SUPER hilarious with DMX sayin’ “my nigga” while this Ben Franklin mofo is onscreen right now. Wait… *looks at him pulling ship* that’s, like… Christopher “Smallpox” Columbus ain’t it? I need to read.
0:44 – DMX, you better DRILL in their head that this ain’t a game by asking rhetorical questions regarding whether it’s a game!
0:48 – WHAT’CHALL REALLY WAAAAANT AH AH. You want to READ that’s what. That’s the only answer.
0:51 – RIDE OR DIE. We just gone pretend “Ride” is code for “Read.” This makes sense.
So, how ya’ll like this Reading Rainbow Remix? Don’t ya’ll got this huge urge to go READ something?! I mean, other than this blog post you just read? Let’s go outside and ride the Reading Rainbow, Pinchers!
ONE.
TWO.
MEET ME OUTSIDE.
Lawd. Have a great weekend, ya’ll. You were missed. Foolery was missed.
Love ya like Romney loves snatching his own wig for $50,000 a plate,
Ya’ll know that song “Count On Me” by Whitney Houston? (R.I.P.) Of course you do. It talked about sticking through thick and thin in a friendship that’ll never… what? End, ninjas.
I kinda feel that way when it comes to foolery. Folks that know me always tell me that no matter what, I come through with some type of foolery.
Couuuuuunnnnnt on meee through thiiiiiiick and thin, a foo-luh-reeee that’ll nevvvvver ennnnd!
Ahem.
Anyway, the dopeness known as Tunde told me just that on Twitter (follow him here!) not too long ago. Something not so smile-able was going on in our Twitter timelines (I seriously forgot what… YOLO) and Tunde lamented that he needed some foolery on his timeline at that very moment.
Here I come swooping in like a foolish Mighty Mouse with a link of something silly I had come across and Tunde was all, “I can always count on Cheekie for bringing the foolery.” Ya’ll, I beamed on a balance beam. Because these are the types of things that I want to tell my grandchildren. That I is kind, I is smart, I is foolishly important.
Cut to this week. Ya know, life be funny. Kinda like women be shoppin. Lo and behold*, Tunde became someone to count on for foolery.
It was a Wednesday morning and I was on my way to work via train. As usual, I decided to see what Twitter was up to and I saw Tunde tweet, “this is what i see most mornings as i walk from the train to my building. smh.”
Duh, OF COURSE I had to click that! That was a great sell! And so, I did. The following picture prompted me to completely collapse in mental hysterics, causing me to practically demand Tunde that I use this for Friday Foolery. Since he cool, he said, “cool.”
Look, tho:
– What in the five-Boroughs hell???!!!
– First off, I’m mad this dude is a regular. I’m soooo wondering what he be doing there BESIDE winning the contest for Hottest Mess on the Block.
– This joint is seriously like an internet puzzle game called… “Spot a Struggle.”
– Let’s start with that bike. Somewhere, some little girl can’t even ride to the Boys and Girls Club because this dude straight jacked her bike.
– Ya’ll see how he reppin’ Miss Liberty, tho?! YOO ESS AYE!
– Totally got those sandals at a beauty supply house.
– Lemme stop listing stuff for a moment to ask this. New Yorker Pinchers, please learn me something. IS this man an on-the-road novelty store? Because his entire essence is doing the most. Dude look like a struggle rummage sale.
– I see he got Red Bull. Valid. I’d need energy to wear this loud ass get-up too.
– So mad he obviously stole the free tote bag you get with an Elizabeth Arden purchase at Macy’s. Or something. *looks closer* Wait… is that a DIAPER bag?! Someone PLEASE think of the children!!!
– That watch. Every time he come around the city, BLING-BLING occurs.
– He is so serious in his fabulosity. Obviously. Because he even adorned his ride with plastic flowers.
– Is that tied-up belly shirt on some SATIN steez? That thing look a tad shiny.
Ya’ll, I can’t. This is why I love big cities. Things like this happen and you can’t do nothing but side-eye and go about your day because, well, it happens all the time. It be some characters chillin’ round town, I’m tellin’ ya!
Which, by the way, Pinchers… if ya’ll EVER see some hometown madness such as the above, feel free to send it my way. Put on for yo city. Contact me riiiiiiight…. —> here.
And with that, I’m done. Ya’ll can’t blame me! LOL
Have a fab and foolish weekend!
Love ya like NBA fans love alley-oops,
Cheekie
*I kinda wanna make a buddy sitcom called “Lo and Behold” with various attention-seeking shenanigans.
A phrase that is forever cemented in pop culture because Tom Cruise stood in the doorway wearing lifts and poured his heart out to Renée Zellweger in “Jerry Maguire.”
I’ve said this to many folks before. Many folks have said it to me. Peanut butter has said it to jelly. Kool-Aid said it to sugar. Cassidy said it to irrelevancy.
Ya’ll get it.
Because of this phrase, the idea of “completing” someone is the ultimate love goal. It basically validated the soulmate label. It has been romanticized over and over via grand gestures, spoken words, television, movies, the internet… and of course, epic tales.
You may have read about the epic tale I featured here in the past. Well, friends and you ninjas I’ont like, I got another one. And it also comes from the legendary Facebook!
Interestingly enough, I came across this tale at the end of my work day so it — in a sense — completed my day. Ba dum tsssss. I’ll be here all night therestofthispost!
– Um.
– Ya know, this would be SOOOOOO sweet in a world where ovaries were LIFE-DEPENDENT organs that MEN had.
– I can’t wait ’til this becomes super viral because MAD women are gonna be posting passive-aggressive Facebook statuses, and tweeting passive-aggressive tweets and yelling STRAIGHT-aggressive things to their men talmbout, “YEW’ONT NEVA PROVE YO LUV TUH ME! YEW SENT SUH-PRIZE FLOWUHS TUH MAH JOB?! BASIC BISH! YEW AIN’T DONATE YO OVARIEZ, THO!! AIN’T SHIT NINJA!!!” Basically, this story will be the new “John Q.” You’re welcome, fellas.
– I do love how the epic tale suggests that we repost it if we would do anything for our bf OR gf. With a double-headed heart emoticon. But, back to the point. It’s equal opportunity! Which means a gf could prove HER love by donating HER ovariez to her bf when he gets ovarian cancer. Which is bawse, because then later, he can get preggers and have ALL OF THE SPAWN. WIN WIN. Don’t ya’ll love love???
– Hmm. Ya know… I wonder how that education reform is doing.
Have a great weekend, Pinchers! And make sure you prove your love to your boo by donating something worthwhile like your ovariez. YOLO!
Love ya like Erykah Badu loves to do weird nude videos then be pissed off about the final cut,
I love when folks hit me up for the SOLE purpose of sending me foolery. No need to waste time with pleasantries or all’at ish normal people have to deal with. Cut to the foolish chase!
That’s exactly what the homie, Star did. She hit me up on GChat with a link RIGHT off the bat and told me she knew I’d love this video because it did THEE most. She get me.
Now, before I get to the video, I wanna do a prologue, so to speak. The prologue, is actually the YouTube description, but it’s too good NOT to feature on its own. Alas…
“shiiiiiiii, 3rd track off my album. gonna be a hidden track, you gotta listen to the second track all the way through to get to dis one. took a minute to get this one up cuz SOMEONE ON THIS STREET CALLED THE POLICE ON US, AND TO THAT SOME1 (IF YOU WATCHIN THIS VIDEO, WHY YOU HATIN?) EITHER WAY I JUS SAID F IT, WE AINT GET ALL THE SHOTS WE WANTED, BUT WHATEVER, WE STILL GO HARD.
DIS ONE CALLED IMDABES
shout out to Eli”
Huh. Firstly, I love how ol’ dude is like, “EXCLUSIVE ‘SCLUSIVE, THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET THE 3RD JOINT IS YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ONE ALLLLLAWAY THROUGH, IT’S A SECRET EGG!” As if YouTube doesn’t give users the ability to — I don’t know — fast-forward/rewind to a certain point in the video. I gotta respect the fact that he gave us the behind-the-scenes of how this video came to be, tho. Everyone loves a good DVD commentary, so mad props for that, mister. AND, as you can see, he just gave a shout-out to Eli. YES, that Eli. The Eli who has provided the most epic Friday Foolery material to ever be Friday Foolery’d. o_O
How do I know he’s paying homage to THEE Eli Porter? Le duh! The joint is called, “IMDABES.” Sure, he switched it up a bit by subtracting the “mayne”, deleting an extra ‘s’, and making it one word, but we all know who is the OG of being da bess.
Speaking of cutting to the chase, lemme drink my “digress” flavored tea and get to the gettin’:
DABESLIVECOMMENTARY:
*Quick Yet Important Note*: If you are watching this on the YouTube website instead of the embedded video above, please click the Closed Captioning (CC) button for the FULL experience. Basically, you should see subtitles while viewing. You’re welcome.
0:05 – Ya’ll see that animated video ho? What is this, some “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” or “Cool World” (mad points if you know ’bout this here) type ish? Move over Paula Abdul! This guy is DABES at live-action animated fusions! Speaking of… is that his name? IMDABES? *looks at YouTube name* Well, that says “gmcfosho”, so I may go with that. Though, the former IS more fun. Moving on…
0:07 – This is totally giving me bootleg “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” vibes.
0:23 – Oh, he doin’ the “swagswagswagswag” ad libs?! I’m in love already…
0:29 – Whoa now! Who dat? Is this ninja Liu Kang bicycle-kicking across the screen, tho?!! In a chill manner? This mofo like “woopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoop”, Liu Kang-ing in slow motion.
0:41 – Those hands popping out from behind the car! LOL Ok, I can already tell this gonna be one of those super fun videos where if you blink, you miss something.
0:47 – I agree. Standin on a car with a “fenga” in the air is the most accurate manner in which to provide scientific evidence that one is, indeed… DABES.
0:54 – Are “Streetfighter Turnamints” little minty candies sold at novelty stores? One of the flavors could be Raspberry Ryu or somethin’.
0:57 – FREEZE. So, I had to pause here because my ears were telling me one thing (one million dollars) but my eyes were saying another, (ALL OF THE ZEROS). So, I stopped and counted. It’s 11 zeros up in that 1 million. Aiight.
1:06 – Homie said he got the “hyest” score in the world on his SAT (which is allegedly 1600, right?), but then said he went to “Evrest.” Wow. Way to stay humble, ninja.
1:13 – LMAO. Dude was like, lemme stop playin’, a billion sounds nice but I’m just gone make up this bigger number because I’m the what? BEST.
1:19 – Power Rangers shout-out!! *Black Ranger Body Roll* Though, I do wonder what TV station he was watchin’ “Powa Rainjas” on. Oooh, Kenan & Kel! *nostalgia-gasm*
1:32 – SERIOUSLY wondering what his sudden dire need for a lightsaber is, tho.
1:37 – It seems to be just for swag purposes, but ya never know, a buffalo may pop outta nowhere or something. Hell, Drake did it when he was taking care of you.
1:41 – YESSSSSS, pyro!
1:45 – Ruh roh… those opening doors. This some Hitchcockian suspense right’chere.
1:54 – I… can’t… add anything to this.
2:00 – Yo, is that Weird Al Yankovic over there on the right???
2:01 – Ya’ll, his car move when he ain’t driving it. Either he in a automatic car wash with his joint on “neutral” or he’s the Black Chuck Norris. You decide.
2:07 – AW SNAP! The Liu Kang ninja back, but he on fire!! Too much pyro! THIS is the time to use the lightsaber. Not sure how it’ll put out a fire, but everything that has managed to happen so far leads me to believe anything is possible.
2:12 – “Teabaggin ya’ll. Liptons. On da rocs.” Lawd, Jay-Z WISH he came up with that, I bet. Missed opportunities.
2:19 – Hol’ up. So, when the baby wasn’t his, he threw ol’ girl on a MINE?! Um, where is this Maury episode? Eff seeing dudes doing various hot dances in celebration, that’s old news. Is there a Director’s Cut Maury DVD or something? Ya’ll gotta let me know this stuff.
2:23 – Lawd, this dude just Oliver Twist’d that po’ chile and he still talmbout how he the best. Prolly BECAUSE of it. Just evil.
2:25 – Chekm8, tho. *flings self off chair* … *gets up* I’m mad he felt the need to say he was playing chess (minus one ‘s’… this dude is double-s racist, obviously). Dude. You got the best SAT score in the world, but you ain’t gotta be condescending. Give us lowly “non-best” SAT scorers some credit here. Hmph.
2:31 – Wait. Wayment. Way-thehell-ment. Again with my ears and eyes having beef. I HEARD “arthritis.” YA’LL heard, “arthritis.” But, WHAT do my eyes present to me?? Motherlovin’, “ARASEDDFASDFIS.” I Shan’t! Ok, I keep joking that my squinty eyes give me limited vision, but I totally believe it now. Because this can’t be true life.
2:42 – o__________O
2:54 – See! I ain’t eeeem notice the moment where he got that random bottle of wine. SWAG on, sir!
2:59 – Oh, he must be pouring it out for that flaming Liu Kang ninja that he REFUSED to attempt to save. R.I.P. Flaming Kang.
3:04 – This fight going on in the foreground, tho. SMH
3:14 – *actually puts fengas in the sky since I’m aware of my “besssss” status*
3:20 – Wayment. How you gone uplift us then shoot us down by telling us to acknowledge that YOU the best, now? :-/
3:21 – Aw, hell now the animated video ho is on fire, too. This “Catching Fire” arse video.
3:28 – He said it!! He said, “I deed it.” HOMAGE, paid in full, bishessssss.
3:34 – He put on that crown to make it official.
3:38 – Shout-out to that sun with the shades up there with that bawse bass in its voice, too.
3:45 – *final and epic finger in the air*
And apparently (from looking at the “related videos” screenshots) this dude has LOADS of other videos doing all kinds of random mess. I see who gonna be making frequent appearances here. *whistles*
Pinchers, do you think he da bessssssss? Are YOU da bessssss? Am I da besssssss? Also, fill free to shout-out any little moments I didn’t mention above. I need a reason to watch this over and over in search for something new. It’s one of those.
Have a foolishly patriotic Memorial Day weekend!
Love ya like Eddie Murphy apparently loves to randomly smang Rocsi,
It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you… without some foolery to laugh ’til you lose your breath to.
(-_-)
Because of my slight absence from the Friday Foolery series, I figured I had to return with a bang. And ain’t it quite apropos that Mr. “Cole You Stoopid” himself, Panama Jackson provided the ammo.
So, one day I was chatting with him and we were dispensing our pleasantries — the “hi’s”, the “how are you’s” — when he hit me with the hee:
Yeah, despite your presumptuous statement, Panda… I do gotta say: Thank you. Muchly. Jerk.
So, without ANY further ado, Pinchers… I present to you, Shugaree.
BETTER Live Commentary:
0:05 – Just 5 seconds in and I HAVE to note the Alanis-level IRONY of the title. I’mma just let that marinate.
0:11 – (._. ) … ( ._.) … (._.) So, um… well, at least we can see the lyrics. So, um… we can, um… sing along! But, let’s take a moment to assess this opening line, “We have got to better with the things we got to do…” Oh, aiight. Deep.
0:12 – TELL me this ain’t a Powerpoint Presentation from Windows ’98.
0:23 – So, lemme pause and let ya’ll know that this song apparently exists to assist efforts with the Gulf Oil Spill clean-up, which is great, but um muh ruh… where is the charity for this song, tho?!
0:31 – Ya’ll hear her stumbling on “responsibility?!” It’s like in the middle of the word she almost decided to change it to another word because she was on Thesaurus (dot) com, but then she’s like “YOLO”* and kept it movin’…
0:38 – The “GET TOGETHER” was capitalized, but she shole said it as monotonous and “eh” as she’s singing the rest of the song, so…
0:39 – Also, — and I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this before — THIS MUSIC. It’s totally on some incompatibility mess. It don’t even GO wif with this song, ya’ll! The music and this song mixes like oil and water. Wait… not THAT kind of oil. WELP. Totally just ran into that bad pun… *whistles*
0:44 – I swear she singing these lyrics like a 3rd grader who has to read a book in front of the class and happens to come across a few words (s)he doesn’t know.
1:08 – Ok, I figured it out. She recording this on the toilet after eating Taco Bell, ain’t she?
1:14 – Her “come on now” adlib didn’t even sound like an adlib because, once again, it sounded JUST like every other bit of the song! AND I have no desire to come on now… or later. Hype fail.
1:31 – Ya know, saying we gotta do better for the things we gotta do is some PRESSURE like a mug. Think about it… you’ve already been assigned something you GOTTA do now this mofo tryna tell you to do it better? Lawd.
1:37 – O_O Chile, NO. NO. NO. NO. THE OPPOSITE OF YES.
1:57 – Ok, I BUST out laughing at the “QUIT BLAMING THE PRESIDENT MAKE IT SAFE” sign. You TELL ‘em Bulah and Thelma!
1:58 – 2:02 – Um, they ain’t provide lyrics for this part. And this part needed lyrics more than ANY of the other parts because I can only conclude that she was singing in tongues. But, yeah… what’s done is done.
2:20 – Seriously. Did she get this music from the cell phone holding music catalogue? I SWEAR I heard this one time while I was waiting for my outsourced customer service rep.
2:28 – She tryna do that “sexy and passionate” thing with her voice they did in the 90s. Yeah… no.
2:57 – That awkward moment when the singer’s voice is sadder than the images that are being displayed…
3:07 – Did they just put up a framed picture from the Liquidator’s sale of a furniture store, tho?????
3:15 – Is that her man?
3:50 – She. Cons-ti-pa-ted.
3:59 – So, they just said, “eff the lyrics”, at this point, huh? I guess this the freestyle part of the song…
4:07 – BULAH AND THELMA AGAIN! HAY, MAMAS! Wait… *leans toward computer screen* Those ARE both women, right? (kinda skeptical about the one on the left) *squints some more* Yeah, I think so… okay. LADIES, YOU BETTA WERK!
4:17 – At first glance… totally thought that was cocaine. But, um… what is it?
4:68 – LOL, with that “hey heyyy HAYheyyyy” riff she just did, she totally sounded like three different people. Maybe she wants to be a girl group now.
4:42 – Awww!!! Cheeks luh da kids.
4:47 – “Unlike the recent natural disasters, the Gulf Oil Spill was manmade. That still doesn’t stop the fact that it will affect us.” Girl, WHAT?! What type of argument is that??? LMAO. Um, who even questioned that a manmade disaster would affect us? If anything, they’re likely to affect us in a MORE deadly way in some instances. Why was this included? What… was the point… there?
4:53 – “Directly or indirectly.” Aw, snap! That was deep, yo. She dropped that, what? KNOWLEDGE. She learned ya’ll somethin’ right there.
4:53 – “Sooner or later.” … Ok, how many addenda (ya’ll see that Latin plural swag I had to look up on Google?) gon’ pop up now? Lawd.
4:59 – It’s TIME for this song to end… in fact, it’s lonnnnnnnng overdue.
5:08 – Are ya’ll wondering how much was donated? Because I SHOLE am. Pure curiosity. *sips tea*
Well… dayum.
Pinchers, what ya’ll think of this charitable effort? You want her to perform at schools and events in your community, dont’cha? Mmmhmm.
Happy Friday!
Love ya like President Obama (publicly) loves equal marriage rights,
Cheekie
*I’m totally and fully aware that the YOLO acronym wasn’t around at this time, but the saying itself shole was so… YOLO.
One may even call me “senile.” I seem to forget the most important ish like someone’s birfday or to note something epic that may serve one of my writing projects.* My sister always says “You’re too young to be that damn forgetful.” Welp! Ok, I’m forgetful.
And yet I can totally remember the entire script, word-for-word, intonation included to “The Lion King”, which debuted about 18 years ago. (O_O)
Huh.
Like that example, there are just some things you can never forget. Even when it’s gone from your direct vision. Case in point, I saw the following tweet from Mr. Dimples w/ a hot NY accent himself, Streetz a loooonnnnng while back:
RT @streetztalk YO RT @wayno119: Wow RT @SirSKRIBE: @Wayno119 THIS is even funnier, he has a RIP shirt on and is ON an RIP shirt http://twitpic.com/8ag9cw
What they trippin’ about? Wellll…
– What in the undertaker matrix HELL?!
– Lemme get this 180 degrees straight. Ya’ll mean to tell ME. … That not nann person in this gentleman’s family and/or friend circle, could find another picture of him in which he was NOT wearing a “R.I.P.” for somebody else???
– For serious. That shirt is like the song that never ends. Or the gifts in cartoons that the cartoon open only to find another box, then another, and so on. LET me find out the dude IN the tshirt was also wearing a “R.I.P.” shirt for HIS homie, too. I’m so curious as to what’s underneath his folded arms right now.
– And dude on the phone in that pic, too. I wonder if he was calling to make reservations in heaven.
– Now that I think about it, I have a feeling that his peoples chose this pic because he was wearing his best pants. Look at him lookin’ SHAHP on his honoree tshirt.
– OR! Or he could’ve specifically requested that this be his tshirt pic because he knew dayum well it would be legendary. Way to be epic, homie!
– He look like Paul Wall.
Yeah, Big Jerry, you will most certainly not be forgotten, ever. Because I can’t say I’ve ever seen someone ON a R.I.P. shirt WEARING a R.I.P. shirt. In fact, the person who uploaded the pic said it best in the pic’s caption:
“Im pretty sure this should cause a space time continum rip. he has a RIP shirt on and is ON an RIP shirt “
Basically.
Pinchers, what say you? You ever seen something like this before? Would YOU request something like this so you’d be gone but not forgotten? Let me know.
*Somehow, I manage to forget this in SUCH a short time span, too. Like, I’d actually take OUT my phone to write what I NEED to remember, get distracted by some dumb ish, then go back to my phone like, “Wait… what was I ‘sposed to put in here again?” SMDH @ my life.
Lemme tell ya’ll a little secret. Come closer. Riiiiiight there. Ok, stop. This is getting creepy.
Even before starting this Friday Foolery series, I had quite a few ideas on what to feature. Ideas that I STILL haven’t gotten to yet. I figured this series could and would go on and on because foolery is as sure as death and taxes. Foolery material will always be there and more and more will keep coming. I was never worried about that. And as time went on, ya’ll — my lovely Pinchers — would keep tweeting, emailing, sending carrier pigeons of foolery so that I could add my commentary to it. Thanks for that by the way. And thank you for being a friend.
Every now and then, I happen to come across a situation in the middle of the week after I had already decided on that week’s Friday Foolery. And well… it’s SO epically foolish that it totally trumps the one I had in mind.
Pretty sure you get where I’m going at this point. Yup, that particular situation applies here.
I was on Twitter when I saw this, from St. Lunatic (or on Twitter, @280PROOF… at least for NOW. That ninja stay changing his name. Talk about “change we can believe in”… sheesh.):
“Remember the commercial where the guy brought his desktop to the coffee shop? Yea. That’s happening. Right here. Right now.”
Of course that piqued my interest because well, when does that EVER happen in real life? And if it does, why can’t it happen to me! I was jealous! But, the skeptic in me (the one who needs for you to have more people) raised an eyebrow as I read a few more of his tweets:
“I can’t believe this. He’s unwrapping his keyboard now. #niggashit“ “He is gonna be PISSED when he finds out they’re closing in an hour for renovations” “The worst part? It’s an iMac. Them joints AT LEAST $1500, right?” “I’m gonna find a way to surreptitiously twitpic.” “he just asked me how to connect to the internet. On the new-model iMac he just unpacked inside this store. This isn’t happening.” “St. Louis. St. Louis. Never a shortage of stories.” “This is a whole nother level of foolishness. @whoisyoungblood cant even top this shit.” “They shoulda neva gave you ninjas Apple products.” “I just walked over and showed him how to turn on his wifi. I can’t believe this. This can’t be happening.” “he and his sister are now watching WSHH videos. I’m in Clayton (rich suburb). I can’t.” “but we not even remotely in an appropriate location RT @NicknotNikki@me .like he came in Starbucks specifically to floss his hoodrichness..” “like I would expect this shit at the mall Starbucks. I’m in a small neighborhood Starbucks, in an affluent area. Where they come from???”
And I read the play-by-play with amusement as I eagerly awaited the picture tweet. Then…
– What in the iHell?! – Now, come on. Ya’ll. My peoples my peoples. My fellow Appleheads. Steve Jobs (may he rest in peace) did NOT present his cherished treasures to the world wearing his best mockneck and jean set so that ya’ll ninjas could bring an ENTIRE desktop into Starbucks like it’s portable or some ish.
St. Lunatic immediately @’d me on Le Twitter and proclaimed it Friday Foolery. I can’t even be mad, because it’s true. It is Friday Foolery as those who have been reading this post can plainly see. He wrapped it up with this:
“WSHH video paused. . . brows furrowed. . never has sharing an outlet @ starbucks been so risky”
Word. Annnnd that sums it up. This is Cheekola reporting. Have a good evening. Stay classy, San Diego.
Pinchers, what do you make of this hot sizzling mess? Getcho cousins.
“I Used To Love H.E.R.” One of my favorite songs by my boo, Common. It brilliantly illustrates his love of hip-hop by using the metaphor of a dope chick. This song is hip-hop and hip-hop is this song.
So, it comes to absolutely no surprise that this song automatically popped into my head when my lowkey hair crush homie Pincher, fuzzytele* tweeted me the following video, which claims to also be hip-hop:
This Is Live Commentary:
0:04 – LOL, oh lawd…
0:05 – WHAT. ARE. THEY. DOING.
0:07 – Ya’ll see the intensity in Justin Bieber’s auntie eyes, tho???
0:10 – Oh, she got a name. Hey, Deena. Or Dina. Or D33na. Whatever. Can I ask you somethin’? Why you got on a goalie shirt? I half expect a commentator to be like, “GOLLLLLLLLLLL”** later on in the video.
0:12 – Wow, she just gettin’ right to it! Talmbout look at her feet. *looks*
0:18 – Let’s talk about how her accent sounds country and Idaho-ish*** at the same time. But, back to her feet. She over there explaining why you DON’T want your feet straight ahead. She wants you to turn ‘em out like Charlie Brown an’nem.
0:20 – Look at her shoulders go! That’s how you make it look like hip-hop. Wait… that’s how hip-hop LOOKS?! The entire essence of hip-hop?! The very idea of it?! Wow, mystery of the universe… solved.
0:24 – “The thing with hip-hop is that everything’s down low.” Um… pause. She done called out every bit of the hip-hop culture. Dry snitch!!!
0:31 – Why did she randomly appear with that jacket she got from Walgreens, tho?
0:34 – Awww, she tellin’ us her childhood stories so that we can be sympathetic to her. Protagonist swag.
0:37 – She just THREW that jacket to the ground. I have a feeling that is a symbol of rebellion, because well…
0:38 – “… ya know what, I won’t stand up straight.” AWWWWWW snap crackle AND pop! You better ROLL your neck, figuratively, Deena/Dina!
0:44 – I seriously guffawed here. She was like, “Hit. AH. Hit. UH.” I guess that’s her version of the “boom kack.” And those shoulders won’t QUIT!
0:47 – “The more relaxed you are, that’s what makes it hip hop.” Now, I gotta agree with her here. What makes rhythm so fluid is that it’s effortless. But, for some reason, her moves don’t scream “relaxed” to me. Despite her “relaxed” arms, she still look like she tryin too hard. LOL
0:53 – WTF was that?! Ya’ll saw that thrown-in random clip, right? And then she just went back to teaching? Did I imagine this? She was like, “And this the first thing I’m gonna say to ya’ll, if you wanna do hip-hop, you gotta stand like this.” *cheesy urban pose* Oh, aiight…
0:57 – THAT’S the hip-hop head, huh. So, for all ya’ll new new ninjas that say you’re a hip-hop head, you BEST pay homage to Deena/Dina.
0:58 – The hip-hop head going up and down, tho…
1:01 – Awwww snap, she just did the “you got served” hands… WITH the “ahhhhhh” exhalation. STEP. to her.
1:06 – Now leanback. LEANback. LEANback. LEANback.
1:26 – Here we go with another “one time at band camp” story… wayment. OMG, NO BAGGY PANTS AND NO SNEAKERS?! That’s not hip-hop, is it??? Lawd, DeenaDina, PLEASE tell us you told them bout themselves!
1:29 – “…and, and, I just didn’t know what to think about that.” *quick cut back to teaching.* … ( -_-)
1:30 – “I took these from an African piece.” Oh, herewego…
1:36 – Sooooooo lemme get this 180 degrees straight. In Africa, the move is done with closed-fists, but in hip-hop (which is a continent now #also #aswell, I guess…) it’s done with your fingers spread out? Gotcha.
1:37 – Yes, a BIG difference.
1:38 – 1:44 – Hmmm… k.
1:50 – Ok, seriously who edited this?! LMAO But, I love how she had to let ya’ll know that this (this, being hip-hop I’m sure) is her. This who she is. Ain’t no 3 dolla bills here!
1:54 – Did this lady just say she’s into “points” a lot?
1:58 – *points with various pops and locks* THE DEF JAM.
2:08 – Ya’ll she spoke that WORD just now. She said hip-hop is in here (ya’ll heart), so it can NEVER go out. It can never go what? OUT. Shouldaboughtahonda.
2:12 – WOW, oh DeenaDina, Duchess of Rappity Rap****, please teach me that intricate and magical dance step you just did.
2:18: If she interrupt with some “pearl of wisdom” (more like gold-plated chain of ignance) ONE MO’ ‘GAIN…
2:21 – LMAO, how she gon’ say, “I’mma tell ya another thing that makes hip-hop, hip-hop”, then cut to those frantic dancers, the very opposite of what hip-hop will ever be?
2:40 – o_O Yeah, guess who else lookin’ at you like you crazy…
2:43 – OF COURSE she did the B-boy pose! Because that is… um, what’s it called again? I forgot because she didn’t mention it enough in the video.
2:47 – Peace. She out!
No no, ya’ll… PLEASE stop.
Pinchers, what you think of Deena/Dina’s tutorial on all hip-hop airthang? Would you take one of her classes? Because who I’m talmbout ya’ll is hip-hop.
Love ya like President Obama loves sign language,
Cheekie
*And SHE said she got the video from her father. YESSSS! Parents passing down foolery to their children is what our forefathers fought for. Or something. #teamPapafuzzytele
**My favorite part of soccer, aside from actually playing/watching the game.
***Idahoshit.
****Alise’s loving term for “rap.” Stolen. *Jadakiss laugh*
Before we get started here, allow me to re-introduce myself throw out a lil’ disclaimer.
*Pinched Disclaimer* —> I know the following content has been discussed ad nauseam, so just get out your barf bags now. I may be late for the party, but… so what? We like to party! I may be young, but I’m ready! Besides, I HAD to speak my piece on this.
Are you ready, though? Ready or not, here I come. You can’t hide. Leggo!
If you have been to any type of function, you know that person. Who is that person? I just said you know ‘em. But, I’ll tell you anyway. That person is always the one who shows up and does, wears, says, or looks like something that steals the entire show.
There have been two examples of this occurrence that I couldn’t just let slide like an electric line dance.
The first…
– As soon as I saw this pic on my Twitter timeline, I chastised my followers, non-followers, AND spambots. I said somethin’ like, “So ya’ll just gon’ let Charlie Wilson come on this Grammys red carpet with a wig made of gathered bathtub hair?!” It needed to be said. Because ya’ll wrong for that.
– You KNOW he done effed up when he has me longing for the days of his cornrows. And I straight up LOATHED his cornrows. You know how someone is too grown to wear cornrows? Well, Charlie is REAL grown and he still decided it was a good idea to step back into the music industry with baby braids.
– This picture only reminded me how much I hated that stoopid (yup, spelt like that. yup… spelt.) “First Name Charlie, Last Name Wilson” song. Like… ninja, this ain’t a Scantron. Plus, he look like that creepy uncle at the reunion talmbout how thick you got since he last seent you (which, was prolly when you were NINE years old or somethin’).
Moving on. The second…
– … yeah.
– So, ya’ll prolly heard the story by now. Jaheim showed up to Whitney’s funeral in this zoot suit. And the entire nation expected him to stroll down the sidewalk like Denzel and Spike did in the film, “Malcolm X.”
– Ya know, this suit brings up a frustration I can’t quite kick. I’m sorta color-blind when it comes to non-obvious purples and blues. I call purple, “blue” and blue, “purple.” So, while I thought it was purple, other folks said it was blue and everybody I was confuddled. And it DID look purple in some pictures and blue in others. Which… even more confuddling. Then again, I did read some report that he said wore purple which is what Whitney wore (and her fave color). Which, is cute. There are approx. 38,574,935 other ways to wear purple, though, so there’s that.
– Aside from the fact that he showed up to a funeral looking like “if a California Raisin and Steve Harvey mated” was hilarious in and of itself, there were the hilarious spoofs of his suit. If you missed any of the parodies, check this out. And yes, DUH, the Simba spoof is my favorite.
Pinchers, do you totally love the looks displayed above? And what are other ways famous folks have showed up and showed out, recently? Let’s get foolish up in here.
The past few weeks have had an obvious theme in my life: babies.
With a cousin-in-law (is that what you call a sister of your bro-in-law who is called that because he with your sister? … ya know what, this gets confusing and it’s why us Black folks call airbody their cousin) giving birth, a dear friend announcing her pregnancy, finding the DOPE “Children With Swag” Tumblr, and this fool telling me THIS how my son gon’ look like, I can’t even escape the baby fever.
And I’m not even sure I wanna escape… hell, they cute. Very cute. Especially when I get to return them to their parents. Return to sender!!
*rereads some of that up there*
…
Um. Nawl, this ain’t an announcement that I’m having a mini-Cheeks. Ya’ll know dayum well if I was, it would be Hayseuss Himself. Sure, I’d love a kid in the future and name him Simba, and I’m not entirely sure when that’ll happen, but I do know one thing…
I would not, could not… will not send out a baby shower invitation that even slightly resembles this:
– “About To Pop”, doe. And using a popcorn theme. TELL me that ain’t genius. And classy. -_-
– Ya know, this theme reminds me of a circus… which is SO very apropos.
– Ma’khi. There go that infamous errant apostrophe again. Please tell me… at what point in history did this become the go-to symbol for our people’s names? Does it make it fancier? Prettier? Do folks enjoy the pause it requires, making us spend more time on saying the name? It’s still Black History Month, so learn me somethin’, ya’ll.
Pinchers, how ya’ll like this theme? Is it a hot mess or did I inadvertently give you a baby shower idea? Both ideas are welcome here. I’m a fool, such a fool for you.
Love ya like the GOP loves to dictate a chick’s uterus,
