*cavity*
I’m evil.*
I take candy away from babies on Sundays. I walk old ladies across the street just so I can leave them in the middle, then run with their purse. I pimp slap gerbils. All’at.
But, even I have soft spot when it comes to certain things. There are things in this world that has me melting like ice cream on the back of John Coffee’s neck.
Wonder what they are? Well, wonder no more:
1. Out Of The Mouths Of Babes. Babies. Simply put, they are perfection. Except when they pee in your face. Or have diapers that smell like toxic waste and disruption. Or cry all night. But, even in those circumstances — even when you want to (figuratively) wring their little necks — they’re still cute about it. I mean, it says something when someone/something can cause an involuntary smile to form on your lips. You look at a baby and — BAM — you smiling for no damn reason. My nephew is the first baby I’d been around frequently in my adult life and I must say that I have a new appreciation for the little imps. I mean, in general, I love kids (especially since I get to return to sender… i.e., their parents), but nowadays there’s just those little things that make my ovaries do the Bankhead Bounce. For instance, their clothes. EVERY piece of clothing is better in miniature size. This is a scientific fact. And I’m having fun dressing up my nephew in seemingly grown-up clothes, but in toddler size. It brings me joy on some Mary J. Blige ish. And their laugh! There is probably no better sound than a baby cracking up. In general, I’m kind of a sucker for contagious laughs (so I usually laugh when someone else laughs… just because they’re laughing), but there’s something special about that gurgling, chipmunk, tiny voice that erupts into belly laughter. Sigh.
2. Bow Wow Wow Yippee Yo Yippee Yay. One word: Cesar. That dog is AIR-THANG. Why his face gotta look like a person, doe? My face crumbles into a ball of mess** everytime I see his cute self. It’s a boy, right? I love how the default for anything we don’t know the sex/gender of is “he.” Anyhoo. Beyond that, those damn anti-animal cruelty commercials with Sarah McLachlan singing “Angel” in the background! You know the ones with the sad/abused pets looking at you with doe eyes all, “GIVE US FREE!” I cannot handle it! They are so forlorn and adorable. Makes you wanna roundhouse kick the folks that put them in the cages. In one fell swoop. And ya know, I would add “pets dressed up in cutesy outfits” to this group because sometimes it does look quite saccharine, but I can’t really add it in good conscience mostly because the pet wearing it usually has an expression on its face that screams, “Dis some bullshit.”
3. ‘L’ Is For The Way You Look At Me. I love seeing… love. As in couples showing each other love. Now, let’s not get this confused with gaudy displays of PDA. I’m talmbout love of the subtle variety. It’s example time. Every day on my train commute to work, I see this particular married couple in the seat near me. They Black. Go Black love. Anyhow, when they get off, there’s this seemingly little thing that the husband does that has my teeth damn near needing several root canals. The wife wears a backpack and when she steps off the train, he actually steps behind her, helps her put it on, and then rushes back beside her to hook his arm in his. I can’t even tell ya’ll how many times an actual “aw” escaped my lips. Too sweet!
So, since I’m at risk of losing all of my gangsta/thug/woadie/pimp/Brother Mouzone hardcore points, I’mma stop here. Pinchers, the sugary floor is yours! What reduces you to a pile of melted butter? Do share, we all family. And I promise not to stuff you in a locker or nuffin for (allegedly) being a wuss.
Love ya like Jim Jones loves to look unshowered,
Cheekie
