Way back when (yes, the end of August is “way back when”, this here the future where time moves faster than the road runner on speed), I featured the Indian version of “Thriller” for Friday Foolery. There, I expressed my love for “made-up subtitles” in the comments section.
You know who shares that love? My e-twin, Beez…naturally. I just said August was “way back when.” Well, Beezy F. Baby did a post eons ago featuring one of the funniest videos I’ve ever seen. Ever. In the history of the iris. From the moment I saw it, I knew I’d use it for evil one day. “One day” has arrived, Trick.
Commentary, without Charles Barkley:
0:16 - “Inajinasin?” How much ya’ll wanna bet some hoodrat saw this video and got inspired in regards to a name for her 56th kid?
0:25 – OK, this right here is where it gets good. Not just because it’s a Jay-Z camel up a hill. But, because of the quick Microsoft-esque Clip Art. Blink and you’ll miss it. It’s on some sublimnal speed. Illuminati! SeewhatIdidthere? How I incorporated Jay and…oh, I’mma just hush now. I’ve probably already said too much. *flees Illuminati’s death glare*
0:28 – Not Gong Li! Genius. Memoirs of a Genius.
0:34 – Wayment. So CAMELS are the cause of asbestos? Illuminati invented asbestos? Oh, right, I said I was gonna stop…
0:41 - Ok, so his makeshift shotgun may have been a bit flimsy, but he ain’t playin’! Let him see you run your mother and breaking bottles. There WILL be blood. Watch.
0:45 – Oh, lawd…the Bee Gees. I know they want you to stay alive, but that just kilt me.
1:03 – Ok, this? This…is when I LOST it. It will never be found. “Rape me in my thighs”, doe? Look, I watched this for the first time at work and I had to go to the bathroom so I could cackle in private. I am a visual person so I automatically pictured this hot mess. I need brain bleach, now. Do they sell that at Sam’s Club*? Because I’mma need some of that if I keep hanging around you folks who love to send me such foolery.
1:10 – The cock clip art was très classy. You know this.
1:13 – Lawd. What is “water dessert?” I must know. Those who know me know I love water. And dessert as well. Preferably ice cream. Interestingly enough, ice cream makes you thirsty. Nothing quenches my thirst like water. Boom.
1:23 – Hmm. I wonder what a “tropical priest” is.
1:44 – Hol’ up. He said “I will hunt you damn” all this time? I’m too lazy to rewind. He said that the first time as well? Loves it.
2:02 – Ya’ll saw ol’ girl had to catch his breath? He may be fabulous, but he human. Let him breathe.
2:07 – “Just a little taze.” That’s probably what those cops said when they tased ol’ dude who told them NOT to tase him, bro.
2:27 – Oh, gawd, he will give you plankton! Spongebob, bishes. Remember that “Boy Meets World” episode when Corey was all hypothetical and posited that if he and Topanga had chirruns, their names would be “Chewbacca and Plankton?” You didn’t watch that show? Log off.
2:28 – Aw, snaps! He went up to that Mariah-octave. Except he like 17 floors below it, but still. ‘A’ for effort.
2:32 – “Lesson me around.” I wish I was in school so I could say that to a hot teacher. My Pinchers who are currently students, please do this as I live vicariously through you. Oh, all yo teachers look like Jabba the Hut on a good day? Nevermind then.
2:45 – Ok, this part wins the internet. He said “just a little Tay” and they showed my boo, Tay Zonday. Mayne, I used to bob the hell outta my head to “Chocolate Rain.” I haven’t listened to it in ages. In fact…
3:05 - I love how precise they are with the subtitles. Every part counts. That’s some dedication for your ass.
3:08 through 3:22 – Um. Those sounds he made, though.
(And the last few seconds are of him pondering how he got to this point in his life)
Aiight, folks, that about wraps it up. Have a fantastic Friday and make sure that your weekend includes breaking bottles if there’s a camel up a hill. Because that camel don’t belong there, dammit! Hov.
Love ya like married folk love their womb more than you single folk,