It all started with a Facebook status.
Which, ain’t so surprising. Facebook is the den of dumbness, the room of ratchet, the lair of… ludicrous.
So, Beez (who happens to beez in the trap… MIND BLOWN) posted a very poignant status with much chagrin…
Beez: First bacon. Now, the hipster foodies are trying to gentrify “soul food.” Neck bones never did anything to anybody.
Word, Beezy F. Baby. Word. I know folks are all over the Carolinas of North talmbout how “sacred” marriage is, but let’s get to the REAL pressing issues. What seems to be losing its sacred status is good ol’ soul food. Like, we can’t have NOTHIN’, can we?
Just because a bunch of 2520s with an ironic fashion sense happen to “come across” something, doesn’t make it newly cool. I’m here to learn ya’ll something. Because if you don’t know, now you know. Greens, macaroni and cheese (the kind the OVEN begat… there is no other kind), sweet potatoes, cornbread, peach cobbler, neck bones… all’at and et cetera? Has always been cool. ALL-the-hell-WAYS.
This is not some new exclusive ish that will have a special on E! at 8 o’clock, 7 central. Talmbout some dayum, “Chitterlings: The E! True Hollywood Story.” Nawl, joe!
Of course, Beez’ observation sparked quite the… passionate discourse among Alise and I. The following occurred…
Me: LET me see some “hog maws sushi.” I am catching a CASE!
Beez: You know they’re already on it… I’ve seen more oxtails mentioned in fine dining in the last 6 months than I have my whole life. We didn’t give up offal for folks to give it a fancier name and lay claim to that ish.
Alise: Chitterling Quiche with a Texas Pete reduction.
Me: *DEAD* Alise, please vacate all parts of my life.
Beez: Hog head cheese etoufee.
Me: Oh, hell. Might as well… pickled pig feet quinoa.
Beez: I swear, if this trend drives up the cost of turkey necks, me and the hipsters are gonna have a “talk.” In my “office.”
Peebz (special guest star!): Lordy, Lordy…I need a 40. *lays down*
Yeah, this is why you shouldn’t give us nice things such as open-ended statements.
And of course, we followed up with more via Gchat, which is where the foolery that was birthed via one social network (Facebook, Twitter, etc) is taken to cross ALL of the lines.
More hipster food happenings…
Beez: headcheese consomme
with the fancy thing over the e
Alise: I have a hankering for a Vienna sausage hash over turkey grease flavored couscous
Me: i can’t wait to get that fatback 100% lean goat bacon tho
Beez: I’m thinking of a pickled pig feet and quinoa salad with beets.
don’t forget the scrapple vinaigrette
Beez: *makes chitlin borscht*
Alise: *makes a potted meat remoulade*
Me: beeeez noooo lmao
wait til i make my hot water gluten free cornbread tho
Again. No amount of nice things should be distributed amongst us.
Oh, by the way, since we obviously adopted a “can’t beat ‘em, join them… or actually, OVERthrow them” mantra, we figured we could make one of these hipster soul food joints.
My restaurant name idea? “RENT ‘EM SPORKS!” Yeah.
And Beez, rightfully said, “You’ve gotta put green in there somewhere. Hipsters do not go if there’s green.” And she’s right. So, I posited that we can put some environmental stamp on it. Maybe a picture of some little tree ninja with sunglasses on… or some ish.
SMH @ our entire essence.
Pinchers, how do you feel about gentrification? Or hipster-ization. Even beyond houses, buildings, and neighborhoods, I mean in terms of traditions period? Especially when it comes to food, it seems like there’s always some “hot, new” item to digest when really, ish been around since Morgan Freeman played stick ball with Abel (and Cain was obviously salty that Morgan liked Abel better than him). Also, do you have any other foodie items that should appear on our menu for the (now hypothetical) “Rent ‘Em Sporks” trendy restaurant?
Love ya like Chicago loves to go NUCKING FUTS when there is the combo of sunshine and a holiday weekend,