It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you… without some foolery to laugh ’til you lose your breath to.
Because of my slight absence from the Friday Foolery series, I figured I had to return with a bang. And ain’t it quite apropos that Mr. “Cole You Stoopid” himself, Panama Jackson provided the ammo.
So, one day I was chatting with him and we were dispensing our pleasantries — the “hi’s”, the “how are you’s” — when he hit me with the hee:
Yeah, despite your presumptuous statement, Panda… I do gotta say: Thank you. Muchly. Jerk.
So, without ANY further ado, Pinchers… I present to you, Shugaree.
BETTER Live Commentary:
0:05 – Just 5 seconds in and I HAVE to note the Alanis-level IRONY of the title. I’mma just let that marinate.
0:11 – (._. ) … ( ._.) … (._.) So, um… well, at least we can see the lyrics. So, um… we can, um… sing along! But, let’s take a moment to assess this opening line, “We have got to better with the things we got to do…” Oh, aiight. Deep.
0:12 – TELL me this ain’t a Powerpoint Presentation from Windows ’98.
0:23 – So, lemme pause and let ya’ll know that this song apparently exists to assist efforts with the Gulf Oil Spill clean-up, which is great, but um muh ruh… where is the charity for this song, tho?!
0:31 – Ya’ll hear her stumbling on “responsibility?!” It’s like in the middle of the word she almost decided to change it to another word because she was on Thesaurus (dot) com, but then she’s like “YOLO”* and kept it movin’…
0:38 – The “GET TOGETHER” was capitalized, but she shole said it as monotonous and “eh” as she’s singing the rest of the song, so…
0:39 – Also, — and I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this before — THIS MUSIC. It’s totally on some incompatibility mess. It don’t even GO wif with this song, ya’ll! The music and this song mixes like oil and water. Wait… not THAT kind of oil. WELP. Totally just ran into that bad pun… *whistles*
0:44 – I swear she singing these lyrics like a 3rd grader who has to read a book in front of the class and happens to come across a few words (s)he doesn’t know.
1:08 – Ok, I figured it out. She recording this on the toilet after eating Taco Bell, ain’t she?
1:14 – Her “come on now” adlib didn’t even sound like an adlib because, once again, it sounded JUST like every other bit of the song! AND I have no desire to come on now… or later. Hype fail.
1:31 – Ya know, saying we gotta do better for the things we gotta do is some PRESSURE like a mug. Think about it… you’ve already been assigned something you GOTTA do now this mofo tryna tell you to do it better? Lawd.
1:37 – O_O Chile, NO. NO. NO. NO. THE OPPOSITE OF YES.
1:57 – Ok, I BUST out laughing at the “QUIT BLAMING THE PRESIDENT MAKE IT SAFE” sign. You TELL ‘em Bulah and Thelma!
1:58 – 2:02 – Um, they ain’t provide lyrics for this part. And this part needed lyrics more than ANY of the other parts because I can only conclude that she was singing in tongues. But, yeah… what’s done is done.
2:20 – Seriously. Did she get this music from the cell phone holding music catalogue? I SWEAR I heard this one time while I was waiting for my outsourced customer service rep.
2:28 – She tryna do that “sexy and passionate” thing with her voice they did in the 90s. Yeah… no.
2:57 – That awkward moment when the singer’s voice is sadder than the images that are being displayed…
3:07 – Did they just put up a framed picture from the Liquidator’s sale of a furniture store, tho?????
3:15 – Is that her man?
3:50 – She. Cons-ti-pa-ted.
3:59 – So, they just said, “eff the lyrics”, at this point, huh? I guess this the freestyle part of the song…
4:07 – BULAH AND THELMA AGAIN! HAY, MAMAS! Wait… *leans toward computer screen* Those ARE both women, right? (kinda skeptical about the one on the left) *squints some more* Yeah, I think so… okay. LADIES, YOU BETTA WERK!
4:17 – At first glance… totally thought that was cocaine. But, um… what is it?
4:68 – LOL, with that “hey heyyy HAYheyyyy” riff she just did, she totally sounded like three different people. Maybe she wants to be a girl group now.
4:42 – Awww!!! Cheeks luh da kids.
4:47 – “Unlike the recent natural disasters, the Gulf Oil Spill was manmade. That still doesn’t stop the fact that it will affect us.” Girl, WHAT?! What type of argument is that??? LMAO. Um, who even questioned that a manmade disaster would affect us? If anything, they’re likely to affect us in a MORE deadly way in some instances. Why was this included? What… was the point… there?
4:53 – “Directly or indirectly.” Aw, snap! That was deep, yo. She dropped that, what? KNOWLEDGE. She learned ya’ll somethin’ right there.
4:53 – “Sooner or later.” … Ok, how many addenda (ya’ll see that Latin plural swag I had to look up on Google?) gon’ pop up now? Lawd.
4:59 – It’s TIME for this song to end… in fact, it’s lonnnnnnnng overdue.
5:08 – Are ya’ll wondering how much was donated? Because I SHOLE am. Pure curiosity. *sips tea*
Pinchers, what ya’ll think of this charitable effort? You want her to perform at schools and events in your community, dont’cha? Mmmhmm.
Love ya like President Obama (publicly) loves equal marriage rights,