Topsy-Turvy Tumblr

What I thought a tumbler looked like before the internet killed the "e."

*leaps over the 28th onto the extra 29th day of February*

Hey, Pinchers, hey!

I love this blog. It’s my own personal space to say whatever the eff I want whether it makes sense or not. It usually doesn’t. Which makes sense to me. But, the internet is a very big world and a blogger is bound to… stray.

What am I getting at? Side-pieces. And I’ve racked up three of ‘em. Yes, THREE. I met them all at the same joint, too! Tumblr! And I wanted to introduce ya’ll to ‘em.

If you follow me on Twitter (and if you don’t, you do now after clicking “follow” right ‘chere), you may know about a couple of these. And while this blog will always be my main bish, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to invite my side-pieces into this world as well. Because I’m just classy like that.

Leggo!

1. Get Pinched. This here the first cousin to my blog. My main side-piece. Most of the content compliments my blog in that it’s full of randomness and foolery. And it’s a spot where I can provide such every day, multiple times a day.

2. Questionable Quotes. Also known as, “See What They Had Said Was…” This is my first collaborative blog in the history of cheeky collaborations. My partners in crime are Beez (of the Hunny Beezes) and Alise (of the Natural Alises). This is basically a collection of infamous quotes (allegedly) said by infamous nouns. Disclaimer: quotesmaynotactuallybetheproductoftheaforementionedinfamousnouns.

3. Cheekisms. Ya’ll may not have heard about this one. Even TMZ hasn’t heard about this one. Why? Because I JUST made it. Whenever talking to friends, colleagues, and/or dayum-near strangers on Twitter, I often share little anecdotes from my mama, lovingly dubbed, “Mama Cheeks.” Well, because she provides SO much material, I figured I’d make a Tumblr dedicated to her. So, while it’s a tad barren at the moment, best believe it’ll be filled with a bunch of her quotes, moments, and overall mama-cheekiness. I’ll probably throw in a bit of me and other Cheeks Clan tidbits as well, but overall, it’s the Mama Cheeks show. I mean, she is the mama. LIKE A BAWSE.

So, Pinchers, I hope to see you around these Tumblrs. What I don’t want is Tumblr-weed rollin’ by. *slaps knee in punny hysterics* Follow me to a place where we can be free!

Love ya like Belle loves books,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: Musical Mathematics

One of my favorite music groups. (You got this song in your head now, dontcha? INCEPTION.)

As you know, I spend a lot of time dissecting foolery. Approximately once a week, to be exact. Wait… what?

Still, I’m vain self-aware enough to turn the lens on myself every so often. In fact, I did just that some time ago when I wrote a letter to Subway and TNT. Update That You Don’t Care About But I’mma Tell Myself That You Do In Order To Sleep At Night (or UTYDCABITMTYDIOTSAN for short): Neither company has responded to my very sincere (o_O) letters. However, as I know of the possible volume of letters they receive, I shall throw n’an tantrum. Yet.

As with most foolish-inspired inspirations, my desire to write yet another letter spawned from a random exchange.

Alise and I were naturally lollygagging in the Chats of Google when the following occurred:

11:46 AM
me: …
someone said #newaddition (All-Mighty Editor’s Note: this was said on Twitter, btw)
11:50 AM
Alise: Nooooo
11:51 AM
Old subtraction
me: i REALLY want sesame street to make that a schtick now
with new edition esque muppets
hell i may write a post about that

Pfffft. “May” nothin‘! Like Eli, I diiiiid it! I eWalked my butt right up to Sesame Street’s “Contact Us” page and sent them the following letter…

Salutations!

Hope it is still a sunny day over there! Though, as I look up at the sky from the window of my employer’s high rise building,  I do have a sneaking feeling that you “swept” the clouds away… all the way to Chicago. But, no worries, because I am a proponent of the old “sharing is caring” adage.

Ah! It seems as if I’ve lost my way. Let’s get to the point, shall we…

I’ve been a devoted fan of Sesame Street for years. My dear mother and/or grandmother would plop me down in front of the television set (I do believe televisions still came in sets in the early 80s, right?) every morning in lieu of a babysitter. And what a babysitter it was!

From the moment I saw the Muppets dance across my screen, Big Bird tower over the humans, and Snuffleupagus slowly waddle across the cobblestone streets, I was in love. I’d also like to take it upon myself to inform you of my favorite character: The Count. The rumbling of his  “ah-ah-ah” cackle continues to dwell in the corners of my heart and follow me through adulthood.

Because Sesame Street has and will forever be a part of my life, I figured a good way to express my devotion would be to somehow contribute to your furthering success. An act of “paying it forward”, if you will.

Recently, I was conversing (please note: because your show set the mark for my eagerness to learn, I can say with confidence that I have you to thank for the fact that I’m using the word “converse” instead of the oft-misused, “conversate.” I salute you.) with a friend and amongst our exchange of ideas, I proposed that we incorporate one of music’s most effervescent R&B groups into your lovely program.

The group? New Edition. The concept? New Addition. While it will be supremely ideal if the group reunited once again for this hypothetical episode, at the very least, it would be a great idea to create an honorary parody of the group using the honorable Jim Henson’s Muppets. The Muppets can sing songs in the spirit of teaching children the wonderful world of mathematics. Knowledge is quite the powerful siren song.

I appreciate you taking this concept into consideration and I look forward to speaking with a representative in the near future so that we can discuss it in further detail. Perhaps over a cup of coffee as we sit upon Luis and Maria’s front stoop? Have your Muppets call my people.

Have a splendid day, evening, and night.

Room Temperature Regards,

Cheekie

Pinchers, pray for me. Promptly. And that’s all I’mma say about that. Oh, wait, before I go: How ya’ll like my idea? Would you watch that? Or have your kids watch it?

Love ya like DMX loves the opposite of Drake’s haircut,

Cheekie

The Twist-Out Trials

*waves* Hey, Pinchers!

So, I promised ya’ll that I’ll keep ya updated on my natural hair journey and I definitely never make a promise I can’t keep. Well, except for those pesky un-keepable promises.

( ._.)

Since noticing my hurr growth, I’ve been playing around with hair-stretch styles. Ya know, to fully enjoy the fact that my little follicles ain’t babies anymore! Awww!

I’ve always been a fan of the twist-out style and Lawd knows I’ve tried to achieve it. Many times. The times, they weren’t pretty. I did take a few pics, but I immediately deleted them in disgust so Y’all can use your lovely imaginations and picture how damn unpretty they were.

After obsessing over a few more YouTube videos, I finally came to an epiphany. I had two problems:

1. I wasn’t taking my gottdayum time.

2. I just let my ends hang all willy-nilly.

Due to the almighty power of the internet, I realized I needed to twist in smaller sections and curl the ends around my finger so that they weren’t raggelly. Yup, raggelly. Always been a fun and valid word.

Anyway.

I tried this style two times (Wyclef: TWO times). The results were…

Take 1: Side-view. Ya'll see that lone twist grazing my SHOULDER AREA, DOE?!

Take 1: Top view. Got quite a few twists there since I got myself some patience (from the Walmarts) and took my time.

Since I was hell-bent in doing a careful job, this mess took over an hour to twist. I mean, I do factor in the detangling. I separated each section, sprayed it with a water bottle in order to dampen it a bit, spread in some Shea Moisture’s Curl Enhancing Smoothie, detangled with my paddle brush, then sealed it all with some Creme of Nature Argan Oil Gloss & Shine Polisher (which smells effing amazing). Wrapped it up in my satin bonnet and carried my tail to bed, only to wake up to take out my twists…

Take 1: Top view of twist-out. Not bad, not bad...

I guess I was so proud of the improvement, I got all extra colorful.

Always up for more improvement, I decided to also try the look on freshly-washed hair. I pretty much repeated the same steps above, just on already-wet hair. The above had been done on unwashed hair. Since the process took so long, I occasionally had to re-spray certain sections a bit with water while detangling. Only real difference is that I didn’t separate each twist as much the next morning as I did the first time so that the twist-out style would last a bit longer.

Take 2: I look enthused as hell. Anyway, this seems to be about the same amount of twists as last time so I'm proud I didn't rush through this especially since, with the washing, this was an even LONGER process.

Take 2: Don't worry... me likey! I'm just side-eyeing my former self who didn't take her time with her hair.

Overall, I was pretty pleased with my progress. Say that five times fast!* I look forward to re-doing this style using different products (I already have a few in mind) since I’m curious if it’ll lead to different results. Please buh-leeeeee I’ll take you Pinchers along for the ride!

So, what ya’ll think?

Love ya like Stewie loves putting emphasis on the ‘h’,

Cheekie

*Remember in school, if you could do the tongue twister on the first try, you thought you were the ish?! Because you were.

Friday Foolery: Baby (Foolish) Fever

The past few weeks have had an obvious theme in my life: babies.

With a cousin-in-law (is that what you call a sister of your bro-in-law who is called that because he with your sister? … ya know what, this gets confusing and it’s why us Black folks call airbody their cousin) giving birth, a dear friend announcing her pregnancy, finding the DOPE “Children With Swag” Tumblr, and this fool telling me THIS how my son gon’ look like, I can’t even escape the baby fever.

And I’m not even sure I wanna escape… hell, they cute. Very cute. Especially when I get to return them to their parents. Return to sender!!

*rereads some of that up there*

…

Um. Nawl, this ain’t an announcement that I’m having a mini-Cheeks. Ya’ll know dayum well if I was, it would be Hayseuss Himself. Sure, I’d love a kid in the future and name him Simba, and I’m not entirely sure when that’ll happen, but I do know one thing…

I would not, could not… will not send out a baby shower invitation that even slightly resembles this:

*Pic Props to Keisha Brown*

– O_o… COME. GET. YO. COUSIN.

– “About To Pop”, doe. And using a popcorn theme. TELL me that ain’t genius. And classy. -_-

– Ya know, this theme reminds me of a circus… which is SO very apropos.

– Ma’khi. There go that infamous errant apostrophe again. Please tell me… at what point in history did this become the go-to symbol for our people’s names? Does it make it fancier? Prettier? Do folks enjoy the pause it requires, making us spend more time on saying the name? It’s still Black History Month, so learn me somethin’, ya’ll.

Pinchers, how ya’ll like this theme? Is it a hot mess or did I inadvertently give you a baby shower idea? Both ideas are welcome here. I’m a fool, such a fool for you.

Love ya like the GOP loves to dictate a chick’s uterus,

Cheekie

The Drama Of Death

How I look at my Twitter timeline during trying times...

With the most recent and tragic deaths of Don Cornelius and Whitney Houston (R.I.P. to them both and prayers go out to their respective family and loved ones), I’ve noticed how big their impact was on us. And with celebrities, in general. When they pass away, these momentous tragedies truly illustrate the kind of people we are… by how we react to them.

As an active member of social networking, I’ve witnessed the various ways people react to a celebrity’s death and it almost seems like a cycle. A cycle of key aspects that never seem to change. And I’m not so sure that’s a good thing. I mean, there are a lot of remarkable things that I’ve gotten out of social networking, but with the good inevitably comes the bad… or the annoying. I mean, hey, it comes with the territory.

I’ve been meaning to write about this over the years of witnessing the kerfluffle that arises after a celebrity’s death and the frustrations that stem from it and I’ve finally found the day… the inspiration.

I’m always a proponent of larger discussions growing from a tragic event (because sometimes, they are very necessary), but some particular discussions/statements not only distract from the death, they somehow one-up it in a way that doesn’t quite sit right with me. Still, they keep coming up, so I feel they should be addressed.

There are a few major (and common) statements that always seem to pop up that I have quite the beef and confuddlement with (spoken in 2nd person for effect; if you ain’t the “you” in these scenarios, no need to get any undergarments in a bunch)…

“You weren’t even a fan… until they died!” Hmmm, and you’d know this… how? I’d really love to know what constitutes a “fan” in your eyes. Are you ONLY a fan if you express your love for said celebrity everyday on every single social networking site during every second of the day? Because fans can’t possibly express their love in the privacy of their own homes, huh? I guess watching their movies, singing their songs, reading their books, watching their TV shows, hanging their artwork, donating to their charities — among other things — don’t happen until you shout it from the rooftops. Oh.

“Ya’ll don’t even mourn for your own family/regular folks this way!” Oh, really?? Here’s yet another example of ASSuming. Emphasis oh-so very intentional and obvious. The very thing that makes a celebrity a celebrity and a regular person a regular person is the number of people who know them. Or, of them, to be more accurate. Thing is, some folks don’t feel the need to mourn about their personal loved ones with strangers. And, hell, some do. Both are okay, too! But you’re too busy assuming what they didn’t do based on what they’re doing now. Based on a single, solitary event. What makes a celebrity death different is the bonding experience. We can ALL share in the fact that this celebrity has touched and affected our lives in some way. Whether that way be big or small, it was something. So, I have to sincerely ask, what is the harm in joining together in that? In celebrating what they (and their work) meant in our lives? Which brings me to, in summary,…

“The Mourning Olympics” This isn’t a particular statement or quote, but it’s what I like to call the collective war that occurs via the internet and leaves quite the bad taste in my mouth. The “who mourns the best” circus. I’ve always said this and I’ll say it again, “There is no right or wrong way to mourn a death. It just is.” There are a few things that are inherently personal and mourning is one of them. When I head to the internet to express my thoughts, grievances, and honoring after a celebrity passes away, the main component I see is the judgment of how other folks choose to mourn. Which pisses me clean the eff off. I’m sorry, but  — wait, no I’m not — I’m NOT sorry for how I choose to mourn a celebrity that had an impact on my life. And neither should you. Or you. What soothes you in these tragic times is right and appropriate for you. Eff what “rules” people (who are NOT you and will NOT have to sit with YOU and inside YOUR body at the end of the day) bestow on you. Who has the gall to bang a gavel on what is appropriate or not for you and your feelings? No mothereffing one but you, that’s who. So keep doing you, boo. I’ll be over here doing me. And the world will be a less tense place.

Like I said, I’m never one to block larger discussions that stem from death, but what is a discussion that goes nowhere? Is it a discussion at all? Intent means a lot and sometimes I feel folks who like to “call out” others for how they react to death care less about the celebrity they seem to be defending and more about their own superiority complex. Especially when their “defense” has no weight whatsoever.

I’ve always said that a person’s death has a larger effect on the people who are still here living on Earth. Someone’s death is always something that seems to happen to “us”, not so much what happens to them. Because we’re the ones who have to keep living with it. It’s all about perception. Overall, while we hope the person who has passed on rests in peace, we’re still here warring in unrest. Interesting…

Pinchers, what say you? What do you think about the conversation that stirs post-death? In particular, a celebrity’s death?

Love ya like Whitney loved to dance with somebody,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: A Disney Dummy

Or should I say, “A Disney Dumbo.” Tee hee!!!

… ( ._.)

Anyhow.

I love fusion. Basically, I love when two things join together to form this perfect marriage. Like Disney/Pixar! Or smash/bang (smang)!

There are two particular things I especially love that I always welcome to join in a union: ratchedness and Disney. Or #RatchetDisney, as I’ve dubbed on the Twittuhs. Which, between that and Tumblr, I’ve definitely found such Disney Ratchedness. The hilarious pictures (w/ ratched captions) featuring Disney themes, the “Simba” adult meme… lawd, the list (much like the beat) goes on.

Even seeing those, I never would’ve predicted something like this. What is this? Well…

I logged onto Gchat a few days ago and Alise immediately presented me with a World Star Hip Hop (yeah, “uh-oh”, already) link. She claimed she was eager for me to log on. I’m thinkin’, it must be really perfect. Ninja, it shole was. I promptly told her that it must be the next Friday Foolery, thus eff any other topic. It was that serious.

Three words: Lion King Bounce. Yes, this exists. My favorite gottdayum Disney movie turned into a silly dance. WHO would create something like this? Why, Mr. Ghetto, of course! I had his messy self up here on this blog before. Welcome back, Sir Ghetto…

The Circle of Live Commentary:

0:05 – Oh, lawd. The epic Lion Kang opening goon call. And these bishes walking around in their finest animal-print spandex jumpsuits from Citi Trends.

o:17 – So, um, would Mr. Ghetto be “Mufasa” or “Simba” in this here scenario? I mean, he’s obviously the king because all the “lionesses” are searching for him. And, yes, I know this due to their superb video-girl acting skills.

0:19 – I cannot imagine what historic monument had to suffer the fate of appearing in this video. Ya’ll know where they at? I only say historic monument because lion statues usually seem to grace the front of important places like the Art Institute of Chicago. Like, if you see lion statues, that place of establishment is on some official ish…

0:25 – Yeah, Mr. Ghetto, I know you da Lion Kang, but if you remember correctly there were technically TWO lion kings featured in the film so I’mma need you to be a bit more specific. For research purposes. Maybe we’ll see a human version of “Scar” to clear things up here…

0:27 – I’m sorry. Did this creature call himself the lion king because he is smanging in a manner similar to an animal that leaves in the wild kingdom? Did I hear that correctly? … Hmm. K.

0:33 – This dude smanging like lions, tigers, AND bears. Watch out, National Geographic!

0:36 – Oh yeah, this is definitely a Mr. Ghetto production. There go the booties!

0:46 – Wayment. This dance looks EXACTLY like the Wally Wally World dance. I’ve been bamboozled! Hoodwinked! … *as I keep watching*

0:54 – They done actually climbed the trees to do this dance. Dedication like a mug.

1:05 – OMG, featuring Timon?! YASSSSSSSSS! Smart move. Because Timon is known for droppin’ heat on singles. -_-

1:09 – This lady crawling. I wonder if her name is Amber Dandelion or something.

1:22 – AH-WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I’m not even finna admit how I started bouncing to this part. Not at all.

1:39 – This dude implementing “Hakuna Matata” in here, too. This is entirely too much. But, hey, no worries…

1:55 – Is that Chris Tucker?? The person in the leopard leggings. Oh wait, nawl, he ain’t that skinny no mo’…

2:23 – No, they do NOT have this lady singing “Circle of Life.” Like, that verse was on some “chuuch” status and they got it in this song? I can’t!

2:36 – This video reminds me of the seizure-esque effects of Kanye’s “All of The Lights” music video, except replacing lights with booties.

2:40 – Crouch like a lioness. Oh, aiight.

2:43 – Did he say pounce?? I’ll never look at Nala the same way again…

2:52 – This wifebeater’d ninja is POPPIN’ IT ON A HANDSTAND.  *exits the entire internet*

3:13 – No, I did not hear the hype man (or DJ?) in the background say “You a genius…!” Nope. Couldn’t have heard that.

3:17 – For some reason, the fact that the swinging tire is there made this entire thing art. Like, swinging tires have nothing to do with jungles. Yet, it makes sense here. Prolly because this entire thing is nonsense.

Pinchers, what you think of the Lion King Bounce? A hot new dance at the club? Remember to crouch like a lioness. Happy Friday!

Love ya like Cheers patrons love Norm,

Cheekie

If At First You Don’t Succeed… Curl, Curl Again

Hellur!

Since my last hair-growth update, I’ve been having a bit of fun with trial-and-error. There are definitely new styles to try now that I have my not-quite teeny weeny afro or not-quite giant fro, which I lovingly call my “in-betweeny afro.” Now, I’ve probably mentioned this before, but… how do I put this in a delicate way, ummerruh…

Well… I’m hair-retarded. Blame it on my “youngest child” status. Basically, I had an older sister who had to learn how to do her hair at an early age and was pretty skilled by the time I was born (she was 14 when I was born, FYI). Sister, grandma, beauty-shop lady… I always had my hair did. I didn’t do my hair. And frankly, when I tried to, it ended up in tragedy. Which is why I stuck to ponytails.

I’ve never been more hair-independent than I have since going (back) natural. And I seriously thank the entire summation of the internets for this. I straight up give kudos to those curly sistas who managed to keep their hair on dimepiece status without YouTube tutorials (or sites like Curly Nikki for frequently posting them).

While obsessively watching said tutorials, I found two styles* I wanted to try out: the finger coil-out and the curly twist-out. And I figured I could tell ya’ll the story through pictures. Visual swag.

First was the finger coil-out…

I’m actually in the process of finger-coiling in this pic. See how I multi-task for my Pinchers?! That right there is LIVE. EXCLUSIVE. POP BOTTLES. … Oh, I’m gettin’ a little carried away there. Anyway, this gives a good look at my length. It’s growwwwwwing! *squeal*

Annnd, about an hour later when I was done with the finger-coilage…

This is pretty much the finger coils soaked in Shea Moisture Curl Enhancing Smoothie and Curls Blissful Length Kukinut Oil Elixir.

Wrapped it up in my satin bonnet and when I woke up to un-coil them and fluff ‘em out, I ended up with something like this…

I was relatively happy with what it revealed and after a bit more fluffing/shaping, I figured I was feelin’ myself a bit to take another pic.

That resulted in…

I was so eager to take pictures, I didn’t even put shoes on. Vanity is a trip!! SMH…

About a week after that, I decided to tackle the curly twist-out…

Clearly, I’m a bit annoyed by the fact it took me a little over an hour to complete this style. I’m basically snarling at the paparazzi… who happens to be… me. -_-

Satin bonnet’d that up (sleeping on perm rods** AIN’T the bidness), woke up, took the rods out, and un-twisted to reveal…

LOL, there’s that look again. Blame it on the fact that it was about 6:30 or 7am. I was pretty surprised at how soft and moisturized it was. Guess it further proved that taking my time pays off.

And the full result of that style is rich ‘chere…

Big hair! GLORAAAYYYYY!!

Fin. And whatnot.

So, like I said, this was a trial-and-error thing and while I think I did pretty alright, I learned along the way. What to change, what to focus on, etc. I can only get better from here! *fingers, toes, and hair-strands crossed*

Pinchers, what do you think of my amateur efforts? Any advice (on the above styles or different styles to try in general) for a curly chick?

‘Preciate it!

Love ya like Michelle Obama loves kid fitness,

Cheekie

*Well, actually, I found three. Since I was gaining length, I went back to my tried-and-true bantu knot-out that I used during transitioning, but I admittedly rushed through it and it didn’t turn out well. At all. Forget it happened. Forget what happened? Exactly.
**Yeah, those things are typically called perm rods but you ain’t gotta have a perm to use ‘em. Uncanny, right??