Oh, Keanu, you wise son of a bish.
Ah, the “friend zone.” These are two words often bemoaned by the male species. For women, though, this phrase is pretty much considered nonexistent or impossible… according to men, that is.
I just think it’s a matter of definition. While men only feel they’re out of the friend zone once they smang, I think women usually feel they’re out of the friend zone once they get that young “In a Relationship” Facebook status. Basically, it’s complicated. See what I did there? Do ya?! If you don’t, you need visual insurance. But, that’s another societal issue…
A semi-notreally-kinda-recent blog post written by P to the J over at Very Smart Brothas, entitled “And You Say She’s Just A Friend“, really stuck with me because it perfectly encapsulated friendships between most men and women. The frequent pop-ups of sexual innuendo, the copped feels, the too-long hugs… all’at. I experience that with guys all the time. And while to them, that kinda means that I’m not quite a platonic friend, to me, I’m thinking… well, what I see is also what I’m not. Their boo.
It makes me wonder, does the fact that they would consider smangage with me cancel out the fact that I’m just a friend even though they’re not really willing to take it to the next level? What part of the game is that?!
Don’t get me wrong, with most guys in my life, I’m perfectly content with just the good-natured banter and the “innocent” flirting. There’s always room for that. But, what about when I want more? Then the flirting doesn’t seem so innocent, it seems like mixed signals. You can’t say I’m like your sister in one sentence and then in the next sentence make lewd “that’s what she said” jokes off of every thing I say. WHO talks to their sister like that? Nawl… really. If you do, raise your hand.
All this got me thinking. There are certain common qualities that I have that may or may not keep me in the friend zone:
– The Funny Fem. This is probably the top quality that I have that makes me “cool” to many of you peen-wielding mofos. Yup, I’m the funny girl. I constantly make jokes and I’m downright goofy at times. I’ve heard and read many ninjas pontificating on how they want a chick with a good sense of humor, but sometimes I think that means “a girl who laughs at MY jokes, not necessarily tells them.” And since I love to laugh, oftentimes I do want a funny guy, but dayum ninja, I ain’t tryna compete with you, I want us to laugh together.
– The Laid-Back Lady. “You’re so laid-back and cool.” I’ve gotten that from dudes. While I can be dramatic about some things, most things I tend to shrug off and keep it moving and that’s a quality of mine that keeps guys flocking to me… to vent about their girls. … ( ._.) Oh. I’ve always been told I’m a good listener and able to perfectly assess situations, and hey, I embrace that. I’m a writer. Ya gotta be observant to be a good one. And for a ninja I care about and love, I’m always glad to help him out. He my boy. But, if I like-like him, that is whole ‘nother level of torture. It’s like dangling a carrot* in front of me that I can’t quite reach.
– The Tomboy Tina. The “tomboy” label has been a part of most of my life. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve showcased much more of my femininity, but that tomboy aura is always there. Basically, I’m the chick in the tight yoga pants that hugs my thighs and (other) cheeks ecstatically high-fiving a ninja when Derrick Rose and Carlos Boozer performs a dope pick and roll combo. I’m at a time in my life where I’ve never been so confident to show off my curves, but I can also easily blend in a “homie” environment when none of that really matters. It’s quite the dichotomy…
Overall, I guess my main confusion stems from the fact that I’m not really so black or white. I’m not necessarily asexual (I’ve see ya’ll whiplash looks when I’m walking down the street, ninjas!), but I’m also not extra feminine, either. I don’t grunt and stratch my crotch with the boys, but I’m also not a stranger to “brother-bonding” activities, either. Maybe it’s because I don’t fit into one particular mold. Maybe I’m part of the confusion. But, that’s me…
All I’m hoping is that my goofy, good-listening, homie self can get more “yes” boxes checked in the “Will You Go With Me? – Yes, No, Maybe” form.
Pinchers, what say you? Guys, can you give me some insight? Are chicks like me doomed to the friend zone (or more accurately, the “not-quite-platonic-friend-but-not-girlfriend-zone-either”)? What will it take to get out of it? Gals, are you in the same position at times? Or is it all a crock of ish? Speak on it!
Love ya like the world loves Heidi Klum and Seal,
Cheekie
