Friday Foolery: Um, Well… Sort Of…

I am not the proprietor of nuts, thus I'm already winning. (^_^)/

The time has come. For closing books and long last looks must end.

Yup, Pinchers, this is my last post of twenny-lehm. Speaking of which, the thing I’m going to miss most about 2011 is referring to it as “twenny-lehm” as often as I do. But, alas, here comes twenny-twellve.

*looks at self* But, self?! Don’t look so glum!

Oh, I’m not! Know why? Because I am truly looking forward to 2012. Other than the Mayan Rapture*, I really have a strong feeling this will be a big year for me. And for those around me. I can’t explain the feeling, but I got the feeling, James Brown.

Now, as this year comes to a close, there comes a time to reflect, which leads to a rebirth. Lady Gaga ain’t the only bish who will making grand entrances out of eggs!

Wait… what?

Yeah. There are a few major goals I have in mind for the upcoming year.

Y’all: But this here “Friday Foolery”, Cheeks. Don’t get all introspective on us!
Me: You are correct, my children. But, since I’m in a sharing mood, I decided to share both! The real deal goals AND the foolywang goals! Leggo (translation: Let’s commence)!

The Real Deal Goals:

1. Do something that scares the ish outta me. I usually do these kinds of lists in no particular order, but this is truly my number one goal. I’m in “success by any means necessary” mode lately, and I know dayum well I’m gonna have to take a leap to get closer to said success. I’ve never seen something substantial accomplished by playing it safe and I’m always inspired by those who don’t (play it safe) so why not join the team? It’s goin’ down. Basement. I’m goin’ up, doe! To infinity and beyond. *wink*

2. Do the write thing. <– this is probably my favorite play on words of all Kanyeezy time. After emerging from a HUGE writing drought (not really including the blog, but more my screenwriting), I was finally (and recently) able to finish my third feature script. And… it felt good. I had forgotten how it felt. And I don’t wanna forget it again. I can go on and on about what caused this drought, but that’s probably another post (and perhaps for a therapist). What I will say is that it’s most definitely over. And my goal is to write regularly the way I did during the time between my first two scripts. That means a SET goal of so-and-so pages a day (to be determined… I’m leaning toward at least 5) and/or so-and-so length of time a day (maybe 2 hours). I’m more of a “page limit” girl, myself, though. But yes, I’m going to do less talking about writing and more writing… sometimes about writing. Tee hee.

3. Do try to be less self-reliant. This is a personal biggie for me. Self-reliance is generally praised. I-N-D-E-P-E-N-D-E-N-T, do you know what that means?! As a very proud Leo, I shole do. When I tell ya’ll I have so much pride I’m an entire group of lions**, I ain’t never lied. And don’t get me wrong, it is a fabulous quality. It becomes a problem when I burn myself out without ever asking for assistance until it’s nearly too late, which is what I usually do. I am bawse at helping others, but fail at asking for a hand. And while it’s strong to hold down the fort yourself, it takes a different level of strength to seek help. It takes vulnerability, which I believe to take the greatest strength of all. So, I’ll be working on that in the upcoming year. I already have a few specific ways to implement this in mind…

Alrighty. Thanks for bearing through the emo part of the show (yup, it happens! lol). It’s only right to wrap this Friday up with some true foolery. And, so, I present.

The Foolywang Goals:

1. Do an impromptu song/dance number with a group of strangers… yes, a la Disney. Ya’ll don’t understand how badly I want this in my life. Since I was a wee Cheeks, I’ve always envisioned my life to be much more dramatic than it actually is… like a movie. There have been several moments where I’ve said to myself, “It would be really cool if airbody just burst into song and a perfectly choreographed routine that everyone magically knows without any rehearsal.” Moments like commuting via public transit, standing in line at the club, seeing a fahn dude walk by… et cetera and whatever.

2. Do the “cabbage patch” in a patch of cabbages. Because I have a special affinity for extra apropos situations, that’s why. Don’t look at me like that.

3. Do ACTUALLY BUY THE MANY T-SHIRTS I SAY I’MMA BUY. If you’ve known me for any amount of time, you’ve probably heard me say some variation of “I want that on a t-shirt.” approximately 50-lem.63 times. And you know I’ve never really followed through on any of them. I have this (unwritten) scroll of t-shirts that either comes from conversations, things I see on the internet (I’m still lusting after owning a t-shirt that features a funny internet .gif meme… and yes, I want it to be animated on my shirt), or my own silly head.*** And it just keeps getting bigger. No, I don’t know the number. The mental list is not numbered. SO unorganized. Anyway, I figured I should start with these. <– Yes, I’d accept them as gifts. Re-peep the number 3 real deal goal up there. Run yo plans to send said gift to pinchmycheekie (at) gmail (dot) com. Grazie.

Pinchers! What are your goals for 2012, real-deal, foolish, or otherwise? Let’s have the audacity to hope! *rolls neck and pops gum*

Happy New Year! *flings pinchable confetti*

Love ya like Baby New Year loves outshining Father Time,

Cheekie

*I’ont think this is the official name… ( ._.)
**If you seent what I did there, #wegotogether.
***I once entered a t-shirt naming contest held by an online t-shirt store. You had to come up with a funny t-shirty phrase and I came up with “Kiss Me, I Have Herpes.” Ya know, a play on those “Kiss Me, I’m Irish.” type joint. Forgive me, I was in college. No, I didn’t win. No, this isn’t a t-shirt I want to wear.

Friday Foolery: A Foolish Festivus

I adore Christmas. I’ve expressed such (in detail) via former posts. Check ‘em out here and… here.

And ya’ll already know I love foolery. And then I thought to myself, “Self? I just realized that I don’t have a Christmas-themed Friday Foolery! That shit cray!” (For those who were wondering, myself agreed with me) And I don’t! Last year, I was off being merry and whatnot so I ditched ya’ll. Which was not in the Christmas spirit at all.

Of COURSE Christmas and foolery should be combined. It’s the best gift evah!

So, here are three Christmasy things that got me smiling/laughing/slapping a knee this season:

(Props to Keisha Brown for sending me this link)

– HAHAHA! This is definitely the American way to put up the lights. While the crib on the left has ALL OF THE LIGHTS (and ALL OF THE ELECTRICITY BILLS), the house on the left is saving all’at by just simply echoing their neighbor’s sentiments. Brilliant!! Even someone like me who LOVES decorating would prolly do something like this just for the foolishness of it. I really would. Yes, I asked Santa for “sense” for Christmas.

– This be my spot at the plantation. Never mind the piles of paper (Seriously, the other departments call us “tree killers.” I’ll be dat.). Don’t even mind the delicious Andes peppermint chocolates. The MAIN focus of the picture is that dope ass Christmas tree. Yes yes ya’ll and ya don’t stop, we actually have the Charlie Brown struggle tree at the gig. Which is bawse. Because if you read those links I told ya’ll to click (which you better had because there will be a pop quiz in the near future), you’d know that “A Charlie Brown Christmas” is EVERY single thing to me. That is one of the key components that MAKES Christmas.

And last, but not least…

– Ok, so this is not exactly from THIS season — in fact, it’s from several seasons in the past — but it is very much relevant in my Christmas life today. And it has been since the day it aired. And as far as I’m concerned (which is about 2 miles), this song is as part of the classic Christmas song list as “Silent Night” or “Let It Snow.” I kid you not, I sing this song at least once every year and will continue to do so for many years to come. And if you have a problem with it, you’re a Scrooge that eats babies on Sunday.

Pinchers, I hope you have a fabulous holiday season! And since ya’ll know I believe sharing is caring, let’s make a deal. I gave you a gift (see above), so let’s say that YOUR gift to me would be sharing your most foolish Christmas story, tradition, or anything else Christmas-themed or funny. See? I ain’t picky.

*Holiday hugs and pinches*

Love ya like Chicago loves having Derrick Rose for five more years,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: WTF ISIT?!

*points to title* Though I am the queen of typo queens, that is definitely supposed to say “isit” and not “is it.” It’s intentional dinna mug. You’ll soon see why. K? K.

So, Alise randomly hit me up with:

Alise: i am currently having a very important conversation about sock puppet animals (Editor’s Note: The fact that I found NOTHING off about this proves I am slightly… off?)

She then went on to say:

Alise:  i dont like them
they scare me
it stemmed from this:

What exactly is “this”, you (didn’t) ask? Wellll…

I know what you’re thinking…

“WHAT THE ARGYLE THERMAL SOCK LEFTOVER BUTTONS HELL?!”

I feel ya, homie.

Actually, when Alise first linked me to this sock puppet (which is truly on sale HERE), I immediately said, “that look like the dog that won the ugliest dog contest… ‘cept it’s an elephant.” And I freaked out because it was an extreme close-up shot. WHY he gotta be all up in my face, doe?! Some nerve. He ugly enough.

Now, if you haven’t gone to the Etsy item page, you really need to… NOW. Right here (no SWV). Because it deserves SO much discussion.

That description, yo. Let’s go point-by-point…

It’s ‘ISIT Elvin’ the elephant. He has recently retired from the circus and is now ready to be someone’s special toy.

– LMAO. Hol’uphol’uphol’up whoa ‘dere. You mean to tell me, this person is tryna sell the fact that you get to play with some retired has-been AARP pachyderm?! Eaux.

He is lovingly handmade from a luxuriously soft ALPACA /merino blend sock. His ears are scraps from an argyle sock – the same one used to make his best friend ‘ISIT Barnaby Bear’.

– Wayment. Alpaca?! As in the cousin to the llama? You mean Tina’s (of Napoleon Dynamite fame) peoples?!! I’m also mad he literally in-sync with his best friend, Barnaby by using Barnaby’s skin to make his ears. He’s kinda like a toy Buffalo Bill. They are WAYYYY too close. And I love how bears always seem to have proper fancy names like Barnaby or Paddington. Eff a Yogi. He’s just a misplaced hoodlum.

He is very soft and cuddly and just soooooo cute with his little stumpy legs and up-turned trunk with a BUTTON on the end

– Awwww, stumpy legs! The up-turned trunk is kinda pervy, doe. But, of course, only I’d think that. Your children won’t! Funny how they capitalized “button.” Like, does that make it more enticing? I guess buttons do add that “handmade” aura to things. Sure…

** buttons are very securely attatched, but always supervise young children around buttons:)**

– Relevant! And important. Can’t even hate on this part at all.

He has a little plaited tail, and a floppy hat. His starry eyes are a dead giveaway of his former life as a circus performer.

– A plaited tail! Swag. I know when I was a kid and my Grandma plaited my hair, I just KNEW I was stuntin’ on hos.* Let’s talk about this next sentence, doe. I. HOWLED. They actually psychoanalyzed the puppet, ya’ll. You can see his PAST in his eyes. And I see what they did there with the “starry” thing. Because he was a performer. GET IT?! YOU see it?!

Suitable for boys and girls young and old.

– How young? How old? Soooo many questions.

He stands approx 27cm high.

– Oh, he a tall glass of water. Hmmmm, ladies! *wink and nudge*

Please convo me with any questions

– “Convo with me” sounds wonky to me for some reason. No, um… shade.

Pinchers, since we’re in the holiday season I figured I’d share this with you just in case you need any last-minute Christmakwanzakah gift ideas! *more winking and nudging*

I mean, I already know what I’m getting Alise! *joyfully evil cackle* Seasons greetings and whatnot! Have a lovely weekend!

Love ya like Target loves to empty my wallet,

Cheekie

*Don’t worry, I wasn’t running around at age 6 talmbout “stuntin’ on hos”, I probably just thought I looked like Rudy Huxtable or something. Though, I must admit, a mini Cheekie talking like that would be HILARIOUS. But, I was an angel. Still am. *sweet smile*

For Your In-Fro-Mation

DO YOU SEE WHAT I DID THERE WITH THAT TITLE, DOE?!

*calms down*

Ahem.

So, it’s been quite a while since I posted about my big “Cheekie” chop. Five months, specifically. I figured this was as good as time as any to stroll on by with an update. Either that or I randomly (and recently) took a bunch of pictures of myself and figured I’d share one of ‘em with you and use it as an update on my natural hair journey. It’s a toss-up.

Since that post, my hair has grown a lil’ bit. Hop into my DeLorean as we go 5 months into the future (from the last post):

This is a bit stretched out since I did a quick twist-out/bantu knot-out after washing the previous evening. And yes, Apple just gone sneak in the shot to "advertise" like this a reality show.

A few updates since that first foray into natural hair-dom:

– I have YET to kick this hands-in-hair habit. I guess I’m still in the “admit you have a problem” stage because I’m still doing it whilst admitting it. In fact, right after I typed that last sentence, I copped a quick feel of my hurr. *shakes in corner*

– I’ve noticed just how fast hair can grow. Meaning, I didn’t realize just how much growth I’ve had until I actually looked back at former pics from the beginning stages and compared the two. I didn’t think my hair had grown that much UNTIL I saw those older pics. *Looney Tunes wolf eye-pop*

– I’m still in love with Shea Moisture, but I’ve finally been able to dip into the loveliness that is Oyin Handmade. I’m actually planning a post JUST for them in the near future.

– I’ve noticed that along with my hair change, so has my sense of style. I find myself taking more fashion risks, especially since I’ve gotten the boost in confidence since the cut. And of course, I’m still on my accessory steez.

– Still loving the “I love yo hair, sista!” compliments from men. They still mostly come from panhandlers/homeless men, doe. My ego STILL does a cabbage patch afterward, regardless.

– My fingers are kinda oily now (yes, RAHT NAH) because I keep putting them in my hair and twirling my curls after I finish each update…

– I can’t stop looking at natural hair blogs/Tumblrs for information, new ideas, pictures, videos, kitchen sinks. Ok, that last one isn’t quite true, but kitchen sinks are ALWAYS included in long lists. It’s the law. Or something.

That’s about it so far. So, there ya have it, Pinchers. You likey me picture? Oh! And I do have one question for my natural hair self-named gurus and sista-pinchers:

I feel like I’m now in the “in-between” stage of a teeny-weeny-afro and a big ass afro. Though it’s not as nightmarish as folks have made it seem (via articles I’ve read so far), I am eager to find out if there are any tips on how to make it fresh. Since I’ve gotten some growth, a simple wash-n-go ain’t cuttin’ it for me anymore. At least not all the time. Any hair styling tips?

Thanks in advance! May the good Lawd bless you after you sneeze.

Love ya like Drake loves Cliff Huxtable-esque sweaters,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: Divine Swags

*CHEEKIE NOTE*: *waves* Hey, ya’ll. I missed the hell outta you and I hope you can say the same. I’ve abandoned my po’ blog and my po’ Pinchers! The good news is that this abandonment is mostly because I’ve been more productive on my screenwriting steez! And the other part may have just been sheer laziness. But, enough of all’at. I’m back up in this piece! *hugs*

Ladies, we all know that when we go out, we love to look our best. We go out to SHOW out.

Well, one of the many struggles we go through is finding something to wear. And lawd knows that when we’re specifically searching for something, we can NEVER find it. Don’t ya’ll hate that?!

Chile, me too.

But, fear not… I have found your answer. Well, actually, L Boogie has found your answer. Blame her. Or you can blame who SHE blamed… Phonte and his always hilarious Twitter timeline.

Presenting…

Divine Live Commentary:

0:00 – First off… before I get into any of this… let’s talk about the YouTube description: “Divine Rags is a boutique in Memphis. Only fascinating women shop there. High end couture for mid price range store.” ( ._.) … AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I love how you are officially deemed “fascinating” once you buy an item from this establishment. And those who don’t have the privilege to shop here… aren’t. Ol’ dull basic bishes!

0:07 – Dude looks like Seal’s stumpy cousin. Of course, he has a wine glass which is the ONLY way to symbolize fancyness.

0:09 – And that dance is called… ???

0:10 – Ya’ll see how he just gave that girl his wine glass like, “hold this, peasant girl!” and then looked at the dancing girl with lust in his eyes? Oh yes, he is a pimp.

0:16 – LMFAO. Did this ninja just ask her where she got her “fabulous outfit” and then SHUSHED her when she started to respond?! I ain’t eeem mad at the level of smooth operation he has right now.

0:20 – I LOVE how he just took over like, “They always say, they get it from ‘Divine Rags’.” Like, there is no other acceptable answer. If she is wearing a fabulous outfit, then she got it from Divine Rags. Ish is like an “if-then” mathematics statement.

0:21 – AND the chick just went back to dancing. His rude interruption is not gonna ruin her good time! She ain’t finna waste that fabulous outfit, neither!

0:24 – “Beautiful women! I’m fascinated, always.” Um. Ok, bro. AND WHY IS THAT DOG THERE?

0:26 – I’m fascinated by the fact that this lady just gone kill that snake Britney Spears used at the VMAs way back when and use it to make her dress.

0:30 – Did he just point twice? In a horribly edited manner?

0:31 – “Maybe you too, might fascinate me.” Yes. Because Lawd knows that is my goal in life. Eff an aspiring writing career.

0:32 – DID. HE. JUST. RANDOMLY. KISS. THAT. DOG. DOE? Why was that included… at all? I can’t!!!

0:34 – *falls the eff out at this mechanical arse laugh*

0:38 – What fascinates me the most about this entire video is HOW those ladies were able to actually NOT burst out laughing during this video. I don’t care about many takes it… took. I’d never get a good take. They’d have to fire me, on the real.

Pinchers, would you shop at Divine Rags in order to upgrade your fascination factor? Corporate Christmas party season is here so I may be on my way over there so I can stunt on various corporate hos. Hate me.

Have a fascinating weekend!

Love ya like Herman Cain loves them hos,

Cheekie