Friday Foolery: Bang The Tambourine (Using No Hands)

When you think of “Waka Flocka”, what is the first thing you think of?

…

I bet “gospel” wasn’t it. In fact, I’d wager that “gospel” would be about 489,723rd on the list.

Waka Flocka’s “No Hands” is probably one of my most favorite ratchet songs. I love to dance to it in the club and I think there’s something special about having that song as your soundtrack whilst bowling.

What I DON’T wanna be doing is giving praise to Jesus using a song about chicks using the law of gravity in order to make their rump move in a fluid motion, causing gentlemen to sprinkle currency with approval.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I completely understand the desire to make gospel music hip for the youngins. Totally valid. But, something don’t curl allaway over about using a song such as this. It’s much too sullied to try to rectify. Basically, ratchet and holy go together like roaches and lights.

Now, I wouldn’t be a strong proponent of the ol’ adage, “I can show you better than I can tell you” if I didn’t, ya know… put on a show:

Waka Flocka – No Hands (Christian Remix)

Praise My Live Commentary:

0:00 – Ah, this is just audio, by the way. Yeah, I wish there was accompanying video, too, but ain’t greed a deadly sin? Mmmhmm, check yoself. Oh, and the folks are apparently called, “WETHEBLESSEDtv.’ Aiight.

0:15 – YES lawd, let’s praise ‘em in advance. This world is over-populated so we need to be pre-ordering our praises, on the real.

0:29 – “All I wanna do is sit back and watch you move and see you manifest.” See, THIS is why this ain’t a good match. I cannot help but associate this song with skrippah moves and… just… *screams*

0:55 – Make it rain and he ain’t talmbout dollas! Yes! Thunderstorm SWAG.

1:02 – Ok, pause for a sec. I know there is no video with this, but I can’t help but look at the picture. Don’t ol’ dude in the middle look like a real life Bobby from “King of the Hill?” ( ._.) Ok, as you were…

1:20 – Definitely just busted out the dougie just now. Because that’s the official “praise dance” of today. I think…

1:48 – Dude said the sky is the limit but asked why he sitting higher. Ok?! You better GET your Buzz Lightyear on. Nothing can stop you! Not even infinity. Which it wouldn’t even try to because it’s too busy being continuous.

1:57 – “Every time I write a verse, paper catch fire.” -_- I’mma pray that he DON’T think that was as dope a line as he delivered it. Like, I could hear it in his voice. His voice is lying to him.

2:17 – Definitely feel like he just hopped out the bed, turned his swag OFF, then spit this verse.

2:31 – So, I gotta ask. Is Dizzle the Paul Wall of gospel?

2:57 – Dude singing now? His name is 300. I REALLY hope he yells out, “THIS IS SPARTA!”

3:02 – Rick Rawse of gospel. While I’m giving out names, I guess the first dude, KAO$ (-______-), is the Flo Rida of gospel. I have no idea why I called him that. Maybe because he kinda looks like him? Pray for me. For my special mind.

3:32 – Debt was paid by the king, indeed! Jesus had that GOOD credit. He went on Free Credit Score Dot Com and that sing-song-talky ninja was like, “Yeah, you approved for everything, woadie!”*

3:42 – I’mma say that to someone one day. Be like, “If you think I ain’t gon’ praise ‘em in advance, man please!” I kinda wanna go to some random place and say it. Like a butcher or something. While I’m ordering my Sara Lee Cajun turkey sammich meat, just bust out and say it.

*bangs tambourine with mighty fervor*

…

*repents after re-reading that mess I wrote up there*

Do me a favor, Pinchers. Sing this on Sunday. And video-tape it. Happy Friday, ya’ll.

Love ya like running brides love Filene’s Basement,

Cheekie

*He may or may not have said, “woadie” at the end, but the rest of it is scientific fact.

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