Friday Foolery: Gettin’ Busy, Aquatically

I’ve noticed that for some reason, the very presence of water causes ninjas to wax lovingly poetic. Take Sir Charles, for instance… whom I featured here in the past.

Yes, that’s right, I’ve done this before. For subjecting ya’ll to the following mess, you can blame the homie, I Am Your People (hilariously enough, she also inspired the above linked video). She dropped this link over at VSB and I knew it had foolery of a Friday nature written all over it. In invisible ink, of course. Duh.

To quote the ever-illustrious Panama Jackson in the comments section, “there should be a board of people who decide who can and cannot make music.” Word, Panda… word. Then again, if that board existed, I wouldn’t have 85% of my material. Conundrum.

Let’s take out our safety scissors and cut to the chase shall we?

“Making Love In The Water” by Ladomour

Making Live Commentary In The Water:

0:03 – Um. Before we hear too much of his “voice”, let’s talk about his hair. And how he must have used ALL the tar from his uncle’s garage (which was meant for the driveway) AND from Jermaine Jackson’s head. I cannot with these mofos lookin’ like Black Ken dolls. NO ONE’S hair looks like this in real life!

0:05 – K, onto his voice. Which sounds like a cat that just got ran over by an SUV filled with dying cats. Lawd!

0:17 – LMAO. I’m mad he sung the hook in the studio and got that “Man, that was on point!” look on his face and wrote the lyrics down. Like he just hit a goldmine. He was wrong.

0:29 – I’m sittin’ here wondering if this video was shot in a hotel bathroom. No idea why I got that impression. Maybe I have a “Ninjas with extra long ponytails would do something like that” stereotype embedded in my mind?

0:40 – Ya’ll see that cowrie shell necklace he got from JC Penny, doe?! Fly!

0:48 – Um. He just got a little too hype to be talmbout love in the shower…

0:53 – Why is he bouncing around like that?! Looks like he about to jump into a turning double-dutch rope.

1:01 – He seriously just showed a quick shot of his grandma’s clock to emphasize the fact that it’s 12 o’clock.

1:10 – Awww, they got wine and candles. *looks that the upload date was in 2009* How much ya’ll wanna bet that wine woulda been Moscato if he uploaded this in today’s times?

1:21 – I can totally tell ol’ girl has a VERY hard time pretending as if she’s interested in him. She’s doing one of those constrained smiles where you can tell she’s thinking, “dis some bullshit.” Times is hard, I know chile.

2:09 – I CANNOT with these Powerpoint Presentation transitions, ya’ll…

2:16 – Lawd, the way he ends a sentence! The emphasis he puts on the last word? He sounds like he needs stock in Ex-Lax.

2:43 – There he go with the clock again. Now, look. Grandma ain’t gone have you using her good clock she got from the Swap Meet for all this fornication and carryin’ on.

3:17 – Why did it cut abruptly like that? Ya’ll noticed that? Wait, was I just applying professional tactics to this video? Father forgive me…

3:26 – Aw, now they walking out in the sunshine. And ya’ll KNOW the sun is looking at the top of his head like, “LOOK, nicca, I do this shining ish. I’m a solo act and don’t eeeeeem need your help, mmkay?”

3:46 – Ok, we get it. Sunflower. Dayum… Zoom-in/zoom-out overload like a mug!

3:51 – She’s singing ALONG, doe? Girl, you better GET your bonus!

4:10 – Uh-oh, wasn’t expecting the extra bass-grunt in his voice. Aw, snap!

4:40 – These random shots, yo…

4:58 – Annd he wraps it up with the constipated elongated note. Marvelous work. o_____O

Yeah, y’all have a fabulous weekend. Make it so hot that the water won’t cool you down. I plan to!

Love ya like meatheads (allegedly) love steroids,

Cheekie

Palm Meets Face

*heavy sigh*

You know the gesture. You witness something so outlandishly stoopid, ridiculous, inexplicable, insertotherThesaurusdotcomadjectivehere, that the only thing you can do is slap the ish outta your own face in disgust. A huge chunk of my eCrib is spent condescendingly shaking my head at the foolish. I have an entire series for it.

However.

Every now and then (some haters folks would say OFTEN), I do something that warrants a facepalm. And usually, I’m the one doing the facepalming of my own ish. Ya know, through that magical fairy called “hindsight.”

Though I’ve done several things that would warrant a self-side-eye or cause me to question “Was I bottle-fed?” (word to Alise), there is ONE major thing that has followed me for years and I believe for it to be THEE dumbest thing that has ever crossed my brain.

Being the generous giver that I am, I decided to share it with ya’ll.

My Most Facepalm-iest Moment In The History Of The Dunce Cap Is…

I used to think Usher was a group.

-_____- *self-pimp-slap*

Travel way back into time with me for a moment…

The year was nahnteen niney sem (English translation: 1997). I was a 7th grade Cheekie who had just recently tucked her bee-stings into her first bra when Usher’s “You Make Me Wanna” music video debuted.

I swooned at the smooth moves, the lyrics I barely understood, and the R&B crooning. Then I saw the 1:01 mark.

The 3 Ushers dancing on chairs. I decided right then and there that “Usher” was a trio. Like, I sweahfogawd, I accepted the “fact” that they were triplets. I had even picked a favorite! (The one in the middle with the peek-a-boo red shirt, btw. Rawr.)

And all of the different clips (with different lighting) featuring Usher in different wardrobe somehow solidified this to me. So, for the rest of the video, I thought the white-tee Usher, gold shirt Usher, and black stocking cap Usher were all separate people.

Let’s not even mention the fact that Usher BEEN out prior to this video. Blame me growing up in a cable-less household and not quite knowing WTF MTV really was until I got to high school. In fact, I’m pretty sure I saw that video at someone else’s house on The Box* or something.

I can’t even tell ya’ll exactly how I finally learned the truth that Usher was ONE dude (I vaguely remember seeing a poster…), but I do remember me smoothly playing it off so that I didn’t have to confess it to my peers at the time. These are my confessions. <– I had to.

This brain fart has haunted me in the back of my mind for years. Every time I hear this song on the radio, I sing along with nostalgia and then laugh to myself about this silly slip-up. Hell, the Scooby Doo Confused Bark that occurred when I learned that his name was ACTUALLY Usher didn’t even top that moment. I mean, thinking his name was a stage name is quite understandable (and even common, lots of folks thought this). Cloning a man in your mind and making it reality is some dumb ish.

Pinchers, help me out. What was your greatest “self facepalm” moment? Have you ever done/said/thought something so ridiculously stoopid that your name coulda been “Cole” in that moment? Let’s share in the ignance. Today, ignance is power. o_O

Love ya like Facebook loves ch-ch-ch-changes,

Cheekie

*If you grew up during that era and don’t remember The Box, you weren’t raised right.

Friday Foolery: Pinched Pictures Vol. 5

Lawd knows I need to end this week with a bit of comic relief and I haven’t done a “Pinched Pictures” in a while, so… LEGGO, SHAMONE… right this way please:

1.

– I remember when I first saw this on Tumblr, I couldn’t believe it existed. And then a few days later it popped up as MY Facebook ad as well.

– Let’s discuss how social work correlates to a baby wearing a lacefront. These kind of ads STAY generating random nonsense pics that have nothing to do with the price of gluten-free cocoa at Whole Foods. I’ont know, maybe they are showing that picture to show why social workers are indeed, necessary? I mean, that po’ chile does look kinda confused.

– I bet all my 40 acres and a mule that the mother (or father) of this child took the wig off and put it on right before they went to work at Taco Bell.

2.

– AHAHAHAHAHA! If this ain’t the best way to handle “The Thirst”, I don’t know what is!!

– I straight up wanna try this on someone one day. Now, hear me out before you call me, “evil” because I’d share the results with ya’ll which will in turn make you smile. Making people happy is not equal to evil. Arithmetic.

3.

– O_O

– Was this a campaign poster before he became president of South Africa in the 90s?

– I do wonder what scent Mandela wears. I refuse to believe he wears some dayum Drakkar Noir. Instead he amps up the classy with Kenneth Cole or some ish.

– Actually, he probably smells like “Eau de Mandela” and accomplishments.

4.

– O_____________O What in the child-left-behind hell?!!

– Did she use like every lyric of every current young artist’s song right now? I mean, there are “Facebook Names” and then there are, “Girl, how yo name gonna be an entire paragraph?!”

– Her name is straight up telling a story. Girl shows you an enchanting time. Girl causes you to fall in love with her. Fornication ensues. Girl kills you, leaving you with no choice but to lie your head on a pillow. Fin.

*giggles* Ya’ll have a great weekend.

Love ya like Simon Cowell loves sarcasm,

Cheekie

Better Late Than Never

This is what "care" looks like.

11:08pm EST. That was the moment Troy Davis’ fate was wrapped inside the state of Georgia’s hands. May he rest in peace.

One of the things I took away from the Troy Davis saga was that this was bigger than him. Even he seemed to know that. He knew of the energy surrounding him… an energy created by people he didn’t even know personally.

Troy Davis was sentenced to death in 1991. That was TWENTY years ago. Back then, I wouldn’t have ever imagined the juggernaut that social media has now become. Today, venues such as Twitter has become the average person’s source for major news… for knowledge.

The Twitter phenomenon surrounding a major event is always intriguing. This particular event was no exception. The vast array of emotions, arguments, misconceptions, ignorance, information… it was a lot. But, there was one major component of these tweets that stuck out to me and not in a good way.

Amongst all of the rallying in support for Mr. Davis, there was one sore thumb that stuck out like an unkempt hitchhiker: “Where were ya’ll 10 years ago? Why are you JUST now caring about this?!”

-________________-

This sentiment has ALWAYS irked me in one way or another. Why? Because it reeks of “I’m better than you” when competition is FAR from appropriate. We’re in competition in how we support now? Instead of… I don’t know… joining together in said support? Guess that’s too productive. SMH…

When I saw those tweets, I immediately had to get this out…

@pinchmycheekie – “Folks bashing others for “just” finding out about Troy shouldve used that fucking energy to spread the word. Ya know, since u care so much.”

And I still stand by that sentiment. Even more so after the turn of events that followed. All of the “late” concern formulated into huge rallies across the country, a sight that I couldn’t be more proud of.

It truly showcased just how powerful “word of mouth” is and by that extension, how powerful Twitter is as its device.

Two major issues I have with the “you cared too late” mentality.

1. You have NO way of knowing when exactly anyone cared about anything. Just because you are just now seeing someone speaking about it via ONE forum doesn’t mean that they “just” started caring. So, there’s that.

2. And even if they DID just started caring or JUST found out… so?! Where were they before? Where were YOU before you found out about something? Where was anyone before they learned a particular fact? We all have to “come across” or learn a fact at one point. Simple as that. It’s not about when they didn’t know, it’s about the fact that they know NOW… closely followed by what they will do with said knowledge.

This whole ordeal has been quite the nightmarish roller coaster. The country erupted with a sigh of relief when Troy’s stay of execution was announced. We all had that feeling that what we did… mattered. And then the Supreme Court denied it and soon after that, he was executed.

The same cynics that I argued against above may have felt a sense of “victory” in terms of their opinion, proving that it was too late. Except it wasn’t. It still mattered. We still mattered… HE still matters. I must repeat my thought at the beginning of this rant. This is bigger than Troy Davis. I know that, Troy Davis knows that… we know that.

The concern should NEVER be about when someone learns of something worth fighting for, the concern should be about the call to action afterwards. My main focus is that now that we know, let’s use this knowledge in a productive manner.

I think Troy Davis said it best in his last official written statement:

“The struggle for justice doesn’t end with me. This struggle is for all the Troy Davises who came before me and all the ones who will come after me. I’m in good spirits and I’m prayerful and at peace. But I will not stop fighting until I’ve taken my last breath.”

And we should not… WILL not stop fighting. In various ways. Hell, given the looming election season, I’d say this “care” is not only not too late, but right on damn time.

And that’s all I gotta say about that…

Love ya like protesters love making a difference,

Cheekie

The Star-Mangled Banner

This flag is doing a body-roll.

There are two things I think of when I hear “The Star Spangled Banner”:

1. When I was a kid, the song would play in the middle of the night right before a particular tv channel went off the air. Remember when TV went off the air? That seems like eons ago. Hell, does paid programming even occur anymore? Isn’t there ALWAYS something on TV now?

2. Singing it every morning in elementary school, right after reciting the “Pledge of Allegiance” and right before singing “Lift Every Voice And Sing”, which I lowkey felt was far superior and always got jittery during the former song until I got to the latter song.

Let’s focus on number 2 for a hot sec. Actually, for a cold sec… as in the rest of this post.

I was traipsing about the Tumblr neighborhood of the internets when I came across a submission to Dumbest Tweets. Basically, someone questioned what “donserly lights” were. I definitely read and re-read those two words until… *lightbulb*… I figured out what they meant: “…dawn’s early light” from the lyrics of “The Star-Spangled Banner.”

Wowwwwwww.

I mean, let’s keep it certificate of authenticity real. MOST of Americans don’t know the lyrics to “The Star-Spangled Banner.” That includes you and I. And you over there, too. And the Jacksons, according to their infamous TV miniseries. Mostly because the song doesn’t really make much sense to the average Joe or Jane. Like, we don’t currently use a lot of the language in that song.

So, I’m not entirely taken aback by the tweet.* Which, you can check out in all its glory here –> Naw, not there, right here.

Anyhow, this all got me thinking about how I used to sing the song before I looked up the lyrics. And I got this strange urge to share my version of the lyrics with ya’ll. That’s love.

The Star-Spangled Banner Lyrics: Lil’ Cheekie Version

(peep the actual lyrics here**)

Oh, say can you see, by the Don’s early light! What so proudly we helled, at the twilight’s glass gleaming! Whose bond stripes and bright stars, through the pear and us flight! Or the ram per reeds watched, were so gallon Lee streaming! And the rocket’s red glare, the bonds bursting in air! Gave proof of the night, that our flag was still there! Oh say does that star-spangled, banner gay way! Or the land and of the free, and the home of the brave!

( ._.)

And yes, all of my lines were sung with exclamation, hence the sometimes ill-placed exclamation points.

Pinchers, what do you think of my interpretation? Do you secretly think my version makes more sense than the actual version? Don’t lie, you know it does. And please do share what you thought some of the lyrics were of the song. Let’s bond over butchering America’s national anthem. I mean, it’s the American way. YOO ESS AYY!

Love ya like Ray J loves trying to make ninjas apologize for being broke,

Cheekie

*Well, not taken aback except for the fact that they coulda Googled the actual lyrics before they embarrassed themselves all over the Twittuh streets. That’s my whole thing with this phenomenon, actually. If I’m EVER unsure about how an unfamiliar word is spelled, I usually look it up before putting myself on blast (I mean, other than the constant QWERTY typo struggles I always have… I’ve made peace with that, doe). I mean, if they using Twitter, surely they heard of Google and how you can find everything on there. Maybe that makes too much sense..
**I straight up didn’t know ’til recently that it had several other verses JUST like “Lift Every Voice And Sing” where most folks only sing the one verse. I mean, it makes sense. We ain’t got time for all’at in the morning.

Pinchworthy: The Lion King 3D

*CHEEKIE NOTE*: Hey, ya’ll! So, as you can tell, I took a little impromptu break for a week. I needed it; I’m back. Fin. (After the credits roll: Oh, and I missed ya’ll a bunch!)

Three-dimensional swag.

To the surprise of no one, this Disney stan decided to venture out and see The Lion King: 3D. It premiered on September 16th (and YES, I went opening night) and will be featured in numerous theaters for a limited time. TWO WEEKS. You better get that 3-dimensional Lion Kang in yo life!

To say I had a ball would be the understatement of the century. I haven’t seen The Lion King in theaters since its debut in 1994, which is what… *goes to calculator app* … SEVENTEEN years ago!!

I was absolutely GEEKED when I learned that my favorite Disney film was returning to the big screen. I mean, seeing Scar’s Remi virgin weave and my favorite character Rafiki kicking ass in 3D?! An honor, yo.

A few highlights of the evening…

– Three-Deez (no VSB): Not even throwin’ shade at 3D. It’s just the term “3D” lends itself to incorporating the term, “deez.” Well, at least it does in my convoluted mind. Anyhow. I know there are those that only sees 3D as a gimmick… um, which it is. It is what it is. Poignant. I think it’s mostly for the kiddies and I neither hate or love it. However! I must admit like a mug that certain parts of this movie truly benefited from this “gimmick.” Particularly the opening. The “Circle of Life” opening scene is so full of pomp and circumstance and the 3D features really took it to a whole ‘nother level. When Zazu enters the screen as soon as the singer lets out that first dramatic, “It’s the cirrrrrcle of liiiiife!” and it appears like he came from outside of the screen to then the screen? I definitely let out a, “that’s dopeness” head nod of approval.

– Sing A Song. Full of the faith that the dark past has taught us. Oh, wait. Wrong topic. My bad. So, one of the greatest things about classic Disney movies is the fabulous soundtrack. And of course, The Lion King ranks amongst the top dawgs. Or um, cats. This movie’s soundtrack is perfection, IMO. My favorite is “I Just Can’t Wait To Be King.” Simba prancing around sanging about how he’s gonna run shit? It’s a Leo’s theme song! Seriously, when each song came on, it was like everyone else in the theater ceased to exist and I was engrossed in my own little Disney-sponsored world. Ya’ll shoulda seent my eyes! They were wide-eyed JUST like a little kid. So, if we’re talkin to scale, basically like this: o_o.

– It’s The Details. I’m always intrigued by what one seems to notice or pay attention to after re-watching something… especially if the time-span is separated by several years. Perspective and hindsight. While watching, I found myself highly appreciating the details in the animation… the drawings. It reminded me how much I’ve always loved how Disney makes a point to create their characters in the likeness of the person who voices them. Like Whoopi Goldberg’s hyena, Shenzi! Her lips! Those are Whoopi’s lips! And Timon truly moving like a meerkat? Meerkats occasionally stand up tall and straight and when Timon did it, I couldn’t help but smile. And of course, hearing the dialogue as an adult… lawd, Disney is always on some clever ish.

– Audience Appreciation. Part of what sets the movie theater experience apart from the home theater experience — other than the larger screen — is the audience. To me, becoming engulfed in the audience’s reactions and bonding over the flickering images on the screen is what I love about going to see a movie in a theater… or in Chi-speak, at the show. It’s one of the reasons why I think there is something special about going to the show to see a movie. The audience for The Lion King pleasantly surprised me. For one, while I know that The Lion King is a popular movie, I just didn’t know exactly how popular it was (then again, apparently it “roared” to the top of the box office this weekend with a $29.3 million opening!). I mean, I know I’m a stan, but to be in a room filled with other big fans was something else. And when I say, filled, I mean it was FILLED. There were folks standing in aisles because they didn’t want to sit in the front row. Seeing so many people so excited to see this movie really touched me. From past generations to future generations. Showed how timeless the film is. And the enthusiasm was off the chain. Folks actually cheered as soon as the sun rose in the opening scene and there were various moments where it was interactive such as when the grown-up Nala and Simba became affectionate (various “ooooohs” and “awwww sookie sookie nahs”). Great times.

Overall, there was no way I couldn’t see the return of my Lion Kang in theaters. Pinchers, did you see it yet? If so, how did you enjoy it? Do you plan to? YOU ONLY HAVE TWO WEEKS. No pressure.

Love ya like crazy people love gathering at train stations,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: A WTF Wedding

I love love. It is a beautiful and splendid thing. Hell, it’s all you need. Word (no press) to the late John Lennon.

I also love when people express their love for each other. I can’t help but let out an, “awww!” or feel my heart swell when I see a loving couple be just that… loving towards one another.

However, there are always exceptions to every rule. There are some love-dovey methods that cause major side-eye. Thomas Cruise Mapother IV, I’m looking at you.

But, that’s old news. Which is kind of an oxymoron. But, since I’m on my digressing steez, allow me to get to the point.

Sir Threeness, Panama Jackson decided to forward me an email with the message, “you’re welcome.” Ass. Anyhow, within this email, was QUITE the list of o_O-worthy wedding photos.

I knew right then and there I had to share them with ya’ll. Or at least the highlights. In the words of PJ, “you’re welcome.” I’m also an ass. Asses of a feather shake together, or something like that. Nelly said it.

Highlights From A Backwoods Wedding:

I see it’s a “All White Air-thang” theme up in this piece. LisaRaye approves. They look so fresh and so clean (clean). However, one of these things is not like the other and I’m thinkin’ it has something to do with all that trash back there. And speaking of LisaRaye, ain’t that Da Brat over there in the left corner with the cornrows?

Huh. Guess it’s just “All White Some Things”, actually. I’m mad they gathered a combination of their spades tables and cookout tables. And you see that circa 1989 dining room chair, doe? Like, I JUST saw that at the Salvation Army the other day. I’m SURE that is where the bride sat because it is fancier than the reglah fold-up Spades chairs.

Ya’ll CANNOT tell her that she don’t look fly in her Wet Seal party top and Rainbow sidewalk sale bandanna-style skirt! And of course, she has to top it off with a tiara. I mean, she DOES look like royalty, so… -_O. I do have one question. Why she all the way over there? Is she afraid that she’s gonna pounce on him before it’s time because he just looks THAT scrumptious in that crisp white? Does one of ‘em have a restraining order? I need-ta know.

Awwwww. Family. But, let’s talk about the little rough and stuff flower girl with the afro puff. The look on her face is STRAIGHT saying, “Dis some bullshit.” Yes, young lady, it is indeed… that. I mean, someone is wearing a floppy beach hat from J-Lo trend hell for Jeebus sake.

Ah, the garter removal. Classic. This sweet moment is a tad bit sullied by the fact that homeboy has his Tracfone cell CLIPPED to his shirt. Like, he couldn’t have had put that away for a moment? Nan call is that important. He need to save his minutes ANYway, hell.

And the pièce de résistance…

YOOOOOOOOOOOOO! What in the sock-it-to-me 7-Up crunch cake hell?! Are those 2 upside-down cakes and a bundt cake? As the WEDDING CAKE(S)? And did someone actually fix their mouth to say, “Hey, let’s put ‘em on cake tiers!” Sirs. Ma’ams. Others. That’s like spraying way too much air freshener when you drop deuces in the bathroom. You just bring too much attention to the fact that it stinks… basically, it’s perfumed poop. That’s exactly what the above is. I wouldn’t even tell Anna Mae to eat this dayum cake. Lawdt.

Mazel tov to the couple, doe. Because ya know, I love me some love.

Pinchers, what ya’ll think of this wedding? Are you gonna take any inspiration from the above for your future nuptials? Ya’ll know ya’ll finna go to Craigslist RIGHT now and get one of those “bride chairs.”

Happy Friday and enjoy your weekend!

Love ya like the GOP loves name-dropping Ronald Reagan,

Cheekie

A Pinched Pronunciation

#ThatVoice

I remember when I first saw the “You know how to whistle, don’t you, Steve?” scene from To Have and Have Not and I also remember a commentator raving about Lauren Bacall’s (who was only 19 years old at the time!) voice. He said it was one of the sexiest scenes in film history, and I have to agree.

Bacall became the epitome of a vixen just by teaching a dude how to whistle. And it was all in her voice. So, when Shonnerz told me I had a Lauren Bacall-esque voice (upon first hearing my speaking voice), I bout to have died. Died, I say!

I’ve always shocked folks once I opened my mouth because my face doesn’t quite match my voice. Because I have a baby doll face, most people expect me to have a “squeaky” voice. So, when the huskiness of my actual voice emits, folks be all… O_O. I think one of my coworkers put it best when she said (about me), “She has the face of a little girl, but the voice of a grown woman.” Pretty much.

About a trillion years ago, a bunch of Tumblr (follow mine here!) members decided to do a Tumblr Accent Challenge. Basically, you had to follow the instructions and record it with audio (bonus points for video, I guess). Long story short, I meant to upload mine, but what had happened was… blahblahfilewastoobigandiwastoolazytodealwiththatblahblah.

So! I decided to share it with ya’ll here!

The Deets:

TUMBLR ACCENT CHALLENGE!!!
- Your name and username.
- Where you’re from.
- Pronounce the following words: Aunt, Roof, Route, Theater, Iron, Salmon, Caramel, Fire, Water, New Orleans, Pecan, Both, Again, Probably, Alabama, Lawyer, Coupon, Mayonnaise, Pajamas, Caught, Naturally, Aluminium, GIF, Tumblr, Crackerjack, Doorknob, Envelope, GPOY.
- What is it called when you throw toilet paper on a house?
- What is a bubbly carbonated drink called?
- What do you call gym shoes?
- What do you call your grandparents?
- What do you call the wheeled contraption in which you carry groceries at the supermarket?
- What is the thing you change the TV channel with?
- Choose a book and read a passage from it.
- Do you think you have an accent?
- Be a wizard or a vampire?
- Do you know anyone on Tumblr in real life?
- End audio post by saying any THREE words you want.

Whoop, there it is! —> Cheeks Tumblr Accent Challenge

Pinchers, what do ya’ll think? Do I sound like you imagined me to? Am I the country kneegrow Lauren Bacall? Should I have a side hustle as a call girl like my ratchet friends have suggested? Let your voice be heard! I mean, um… typed? Yeah, that.

Love ya like Scooby Doo loves snacks,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: Tears Of A Clown

Every so often, I have to ask myself, “Self, how did I not know about this until now?” This is one of those every-so-often times.

About a month ago, Shay DM’d me on Twitter, asking me if I’d seen this video. Which only caused me to ask myself that very same question. Except I replaced “if I’d” with “how haven’t I.” So, it wasn’t the very same question at all, actually. D’ah well.

Anyway.

I had seen various people use the phrase “Whyyyyy must I cry!” all up and through the internets, but never really knew where it was from. I’m still not totally sure, but I have a feeling that the following video at least contributed to the meme…

“Why must I cry” by Reh Dogg

Why Must I Give You Live Commentary:

0:09 – Oh, lawd here we go again with these non-sanging sangin’ niccas!

0:13 – Is this mofo sitting in front of an aquarium from “The Real World” house? And why he so sweaty? Or did he just get OUT of the aquarium and he’s sitting in front of it so it makes sense? Which, if he did… it still wouldn’t make sense.

0:19 – O_O Ok, so I know air-body sings in the shower, but can we keep this as one of those universal assumptions?! Ya’ll don’t have to put it in YouTube form! We believe you. You do not need NAN more people.

0:24 – Ah, the superb lip-synch skills. He closed his mouf long before he stopped singing, “whyyyyy.”

0:31 – LAWD. I’m already mad he keep asking “why must I cry” over and over… not just because of the useless repetition, but because I’M the one who should be crying. He is SUDSY right now. *flings self off curb*

0:36 – *hollers* He did a shoulder shimmy?! Kneegrow, do you NOT know that most household accidents are caused in the bathroom? You betta be careful, yo.

0:38 – He look like he tryin’ to read the bottom line of an eye chart. He squintin’ dinna MUG. *waits for plethora of jokes about MY eyes* -_-

0:41 – Dude look like a hood Paul Bunyan running through the dayum woods for no gottdayum reason.

0:48 – LMAO @ him giving the quick “you got this? ok.” look at the camera. Nicca, I SEE YOU!

0:58 – Boy, ask WHY you got leopard seat covers since you in question-mode. Hell.

1:07 – *DEAD* You saw how his voice got all loud yet his face remained unfazed?! THAT is what I call acting! ( ._.)

1:09 – This clip of him giving dap to some random nicca is included because…?

1:17 – WHAT is he doing? Is this mock military training? And is he seriously singing about a CHILD who stole from him?

1:27 – OH! He talmbout his lost homie. Ah, ok. Lawd. It’s just, this makes so much nonsense, I wouldn’t put it past folks, ya know? I have a professional HISTORY of watching ratchet ish. Ax about me. Yes, ax. Regardless, if I were a spirit chillin’ up in heaven (shut up, even as ratchet as I am, I GOTS me a VIP ticket. Be mad.), I’d be haunting Reh Dogg like, “You know you my nicca right? I’mma need you to stop it. NOW. Oh… and boo!”

1:41- Yo, this dude just having a dayum conversation now. He is straight just talking.

1:45 – Um. The way he LEAPED to grabbed that gun, yo. And the sound effects! Did they use “WomanSlappingMan3″ in the list? Because that’s what that ish sounded like.

2:02 – Harpo, who dis man? And why Reh Dogg just say, “understand” at the end? Sounded all outta place. LOL

2:06 – FURTHERMORE, if he is singing to his lost homie, WHY include the shower scene? Forget all those other “whys”, let’s start with that.

2:26 – NICCA YOU CRYING BECAUSE YOU PUTTING SOAP SUDS ALL UP IN YOUR EYES.

2:28 – What in the subliminal messaging hell was that quick shot?

2:55 – Whoever Tammie Starr is, she lookin’ like “o_____O” right about now.

3:11 – WAYMENT. Wait the frick-and-frack a minute. Did he just throw in baby mama drama into this song?!! *falls the eff out*

3:15 – Here’s a tip. Pointing a gun to your head whilst singing about having twins on the way is not the bidness.

3:43 – Oh gawd, he’s really crying now. You heard the anguish in that “why?!”

3:56 – LOL, he almost fell out that tree! He’ll be crying fo’ sho’ then!

3:59 – Wow, watch out, Jadakiss. Finding out why Rehh Dogg must cry trumps ALL those politically/socially charged “why” questions you asked way back when. Sorry, boo.

Ya’ll KNOW you got this in your head, Pinchers! WHYMUSTICRY WHYMUSTICRY WHY. You’re welcome and I’m sorry. Have a great weekend!

Love ya like Tyler Perry loves dressing in drag,

Cheekie