As you probably heard, the entire Black community did a collective faint when rumors of Jada Pinkett Smith and Will Smith separating surfaced. Some say it caused the east coast earthquake. Basically, it was major.
Thankfully, Will and Jada released a statement that shut down those rumors and continued their role as the Atlas of Black love.*
All was well with the world. Until. UN-TIL. I was watching E! News Wednesday evening and one of the talking heads mentioned that there were rumors swirling around alleging that Jada was having an affair with newly-divorcing Marc Anthony (also her costar on Hawthorne). o_O
Seriously, click this link right ‘chere. Ish said that Will caught Marc and Jada together in the Smiths’ home and “left crying.”
So, I hit up my sister from another mister, L Boogie, and told her of the allegations. The following occurred:
L Boogie: Woo!
me: jada pinkett was in a movie called woo, wasn’t she? random as fuck my bad lmao
L Boogie: LMAO lawd.
me: thats not entirely random
i mean it is… but it’s because theres been a lot of jada pinket news lately because of the rumor and they mentioned that movie lol
now niggas saying she fucked marc anthony
L Boogie: Right?! She got Will, nigga!
me: RIGHT. what she look like fucking skeletor’s grandpa
L Boogie: LMFAO
me: and even if they DO have an open marriage (the infidelity rumors would be for naught lol), she wouldn’t pick HIM lmao
L Boogie: eggsactlee
L Boogie: she’s jada pinkett smith
me: jada motherfucking pinkett smith
L Boogie: Come the entirety of the hell on.
me: NOT the entirety
L Boogie: Lmfao
Cuz Marc Anthony is high on her list
me: the entire realm of hell doe lmao
out of all the hollywood niggas she knows. marc motherfucking jlo sloppy seconds anthony? oh ok.
me: ok like imagine marc even STEPPING to jada… what would he say?
L Boogie: BAILAMOS
no, i really hollered. not internet hollered.
L Boogie: um
LET THE RHYTHM TAKE YOU OVER JADA, BAILAMOSSSSS TE QUIERO AMOR MIO
And she would give him an epic side-eye
L Boogie: *cackles*
me: like set it off proportions
L Boogie: and be like “oh so you think i like that sh!t?”
me: seriously, marc WAS enrique, the stranger bish version wasn’t he?
L Boogie: *thinks back over the years* yeah, i’d agree
me: they were out the exact same time. marc was like “is there room for me?”
L Boogie: how does D list Marc Anthony get to even be in the same room as A list by marriage Jada Pinkett Smith?
me: RIGHT. in fact, he d-list now because j.lo. welp!
L Boogie: who holds that invite list?
me: OH!! and while I was researching, there were reports that… brace yourself…
L Boogie: *braces*
me: will WALKED in on the two of them and… LEFT CRYING
L Boogie: no mouf doe
me: IN HIS HOME
L Boogie: WTF
WHAT ALTERNATE UNIVERSE DID THAT HAPPEN IN
Will MF’in Smith?! leaving his house, crying ?
me: He is motherfucking WILL smith. HE INVENTED raphael de la ghetto
L Boogie: he ain’t cried since 7 Pounds!
me: ok?! I know he’s an epic crier and all that, but not over this melting wax figure!
L Boogie: and Marc Anthony gon be the reason his tear ducts sign a new contract?
me: Like, he gon’ cry bout that dayum dog SAM before he cry over some former mr j.lo
L Boogie: what lifetime movie are the tabloids tryna write?
L Boogie: hell, i’m sure he’d cry over a broken fingernail before he cried over marc anthony.
How is Marc gonna overthrow ANYONE who actually survived Gettin Jiggy Wit It? Come on now.
L Boogie: !!!
(na na na na nana na)
me: *does the dance at my computer*
L Boogie: Marc prolly thought Will was down when Will did “Welcome to Miami”
since he said Bienvenidos a Miami in it.
me: Man you probably right. smh. he reaching like a dayum rubber band, yo
L Boogie: mmhmm.
me: plus, ain’t he Jada’s HEIGHT?!
he look like it
L Boogie: might be shorter.
i think he may wear low heels, tryna steal Prince’s swag.
And Jada would be like, “Ma’am. You must be this tall to ride*points to cardboard cut-out of Will*”
L Boogie: and then he would try to sing his way onto the ride
do we even know a Marc Anthony song?
me: Girl, you have no idea HOW hard my brain has been working to think of one
I knew one before but… *blink*
L Boogie: *opens spotify*
*spotify does not recognize artist*
O_O Lawd, that was so wrong it was right. Did we HAVE to go in on that po’ man like that? Apparently so. Since we ain’t feces (props to That Damn African for this phrase; and NO, TDA, this does not count as influencing a Friday Foolery post).
Pinchers, do the opposite of being a sweet liar and tell me the truth. Do you honestly think a Marc Anthony/Jada Pinkett Smith affair could happen?
Have a weekend full of foolery!!
Love ya like peaches love cream,