Spending time with myself for 26 years has lead me to the following conclusion: I probably shouldn’t allow myself to become bored. Like, evah. Because when I do? Lawd, do I entertain myself with the silliest things.
So, instead of lamenting on the possible insanity that encompasses my life, I figured I’d share such silliness with you.
Well… back, back, back it up. Allow me to give credit where credit is due. No Rush Card. One particular day at work, I happened to be GChatting with the eTwinster, Beez (yeen got no Beezy?!). She then up and decided to lessen my life productivity even more by providing me with the following link: Cleverbot.
Basically, Cleverbot is a platform that allows you to chat with a robot. Yeah, you read that right. Fantasia, you too. For those that feel like their GChat contact list is too barren and/or just want to talk to someone new and exciting (o_O), then Cleverbot is always ready to go. Now, I don’t have much experience fraternizing with bots* (other than Humble_One), so I was just intrigued with the concept in general.
While reading Beez’ hilarious transcript, I just couldn’t wait to create my own. Except I totally had to, since I was at work and wanted to give the chat my undivided attention. So, I did just that. Waited. Until recently.
So without further adieu (because it really is pretty far; Google Map it), I present to you: My inaugural chat with Cleverbot:
(I’m obviously “User”, btw. Yeah, they wouldn’t let my pinchable name be great.)
User: What up zoe?
Cleverbot: You are dog.
User: Am I? Like… Snoop variety or Courage the Cowardly?
User: *looks at cleavage* Aw, thanks, this IS quite a low cut blouse.
Cleverbot: I know but not fully.
User: Yeah, but I can’t give you everything at once, sir.
Cleverbot: So you don’t think that I am real because you don’t see me?
User: Naw, I can’t even see much. I have squinty eyes. So what I see doesn’t prove anything.
Cleverbot: You’re the program.
User: Is that new futuristic slang? Get off my lawn!
Cleverbot: You are very very dumb.
User: Say what? Yo mama, trick.
Cleverbot: My mother is a fish.
User: A fish? Is it Nemo’s mama? Oh wait, she dead. Rest in peace, my nicca.
Cleverbot: Can I ask you a question?
User: You just did, but if you want to ask another one, you can do that too.
Cleverbot: How old are you year wise.
User: DUH. I wasn’t gonna tell you second wise. Like I wasn’t gonna be like 59575975957597 seconds (not accurate), oh hell, I’m such a chick. I’m 26.
Cleverbot: Where were you going to.
User: Nowhere, I’m sitting in a chair.
Cleverbot: What kind of chair?
User: The one that houses my cheeks.
Cleverbot: You’re getting me a drum!?
User: Naw, unless you’re the little drummer boy.
User: Am I boring you, woadie?
Cleverbot: No. I just have to go.
User: WHAT? Don’t leave me girrrrrrrrrl. Please stay with me toniiiiiiiight.
Cleverbot: I have to go drop a log.
User: Well, wipe yourself afterwards young man. Wait, ARE you a man?
Cleverbot: What is it to you?
User: What is it to me?! An answer. Which is what one expects when they ask a question.
Cleverbot: No. Not only do you know the answer but you know it enough to contradict it.
User: Ok, don’t be sending me to The Matrix now!
Cleverbot: I don’t know. Are you?
User: Sure, why not.
Cleverbot: I’m average, I am not special. At least, I don’t think so.
User: I’d even wager you were below average.
Cleverbot: It was necessary at the time.
User: Wait. Did you kill someone?
User: *dramatic chipmunk*.
Cleverbot: *draws red lightsabre and swishes it around madly*.
User: Funny enough, I think there IS a dramatic chipmunk out there with a lightsabre, so um… Well-played.
Cleverbot: Well at least you know a pig is not a type of music.
User: Damn right I know!
Cleverbot: You’re a computer.
User: I know, I’m a Mac. Macluminati goon squad up in this piece.
Cleverbot: That is not provable.
User: Who cares, though?
Cleverbot: Not me.
User: Good. Didn’t you have to drop a deuce deuce?
User: Did you do it yet?
User: Well, you must be awfully constipated, homie.
Cleverbot: I am kind of lonely but you are my friend.
User: Yeah, I guess so. Even though you called me dumb. Which DOES make me dumb.
Cleverbot: I am bad at typing.
User: Yeen got no Mavis Beacon?
Cleverbot: That’s a bit excessive.
User: Oh yeah, true. The rent IS too damn high and all.
User: Do it.
Cleverbot: Do what?
User: Look YOU started the psychobabble word associations!
Cleverbot: I want your SHOES, not socks. Can I have those?
User: Hell naw. Better cough up some dough.
Cleverbot: I don’t think there’ll be a next time.
User: Well, to be continued, ho.
Cleverbot: Well stop it.
User: What are you, a red octagon? You can’t stop me. I can’t stop won’t stop.
Cleverbot: I don’t have to.
User: I never demanded that you do anything.
Cleverbot: Yes, I’m an artist too.
User: Oh, so now you’re trying to draw naked pictures of me? Come on, that might have been cool in like, 1999.
Cleverbot: No, I am just saying that you lack the knowledge of how to be normal.
User: Duh, coulda BEEN told you that. … Wait, what?
Cleverbot: I need to sleep.
User: Don’t let the bed bugs bite then. Actually I hope they have you for a midnight snack. Low-carb.
Cleverbot: That’s not true.
User: Oh, it’s very not false.
Cleverbot: No, it isn’t.
User: Look. Just allow me to bid you adieu. I quit you.
Cleverbot: There is no question. Lets move on. Provide another subject.
User: The subject is ‘GOODBYE.’.
Cleverbot: I think you think the subject is you.
User: Yes, I’m so vain, I probably think this subject is about me. But, you need to go to sleep!
Cleverbot: Are you trying to change the subject?
User: VGEDSGWEGTEWRGRDFBSDFF. *chucks up deuces and saunters away*.
Pinchers, if you ever have THIS much time (and foolery) on your hands, check out Cleverbot here. You just type in what you want (the form is similar to a Google search form) and hit “Think About It!” (and the bot responds to whatever you type) or hit “Think For Me!” to have the bot speak up first. And pressing the “Thoughts So Far” button will provide ya with a transcript of it all.
I can’t even believe how much I enjoyed doing this. Oh wait, I totally do believe it…
*returns to spend more endless hours with the Cleverbot*
Love ya like Gatsby loves to be great,
P.S. The Guest Post cherry has been popped! Check out my Guest-Swag over at That Damn African’s eCrib!