I stan for water. You can often catch me saying how dope it is for tasting so good despite not having a taste. No matter what other drink I consume, I have to follow up with water to truly quench my thirst.
It covers most of the world, it can damage the eff out of your personal belongings… hell, it sonned the Wicked Witch of the West and she was the baddest bitch long before Trina could even spell, “bad.” Simply put, H2O is quite the thug.
However, just recently, the fabulously foolish I Am Your People sent me something that made me pity every bit of water.
What was it? Well…
Dive Into My Live Commentary:
0:00 – Before I even press play, let’s talk about how this man’s name is SIR Charles Jones. WHO knighted this nicca? Bruh Man from “Martin?!” And I’m mad the title says, “Ladies Exclusive” as if we should feel special. Which, btw, sorry in advance, fellas. Hell, sorry ladies, too. Anyway…
0:02 – “Ladies Join Me”? Is this a video plugger for a get-together or somethin’? Also, I’m mad at this music. Sounds like something a bootleg Joe would sing over. His name would be “Jane” or some mess.
0:03 – WHOAAAAAAAAA. Did this mofo just start singing “in the waterrr” in the dayum TUB? On some, “I don’t see how you hatin’ from outside of the tub. You can’t even get in! LEGGO!” ish?!
0:16 – This creature said, “Anything goessssss.” Yo, can I go?! Far away from you? *runs like if the wind and Forrest Gump mated*
0:17 – Is he wet from the tub or excessively sweating? Ya know what, either way is gross.
0:19 – I CANNOT with his 90s R&B bagginfoaf sway, doe.
0:21 – There were TWO of him! One is plenty, thanks.
0:26 – There is something to be said about a mofo rubbing bubbles over his penitentiary-tattooed arm. What that something is, I’m not sure yet.
0:29 – “Come on in girrrl.” Nah, looks like you got it covered, bruh.
0:32 – Were those sparkly effects I just saw?! Like, did this nikka just TWINKLE? Dude look like Tinkerbell sneezed on him.
0:36 – *vomits in mouth at what he just said (refuse to type it out)*
0:41 – I’mma need him to stop attempting to make a sexy face whilst looking like someone’s uncle who happens to put pork rinds in his bologna sammiches at family reunions.
0:43 – I actually HOLLERED at him sneaking that tongue out.
0:50 – He is so enunciating! I see you!
1:00 – Not the zoom-in to freeze-frames!! *falls out laughing*
1:06 – This mess look like a Pr0n Powerpoint Presentation.
1:13 – Seriously, I do not believe in a world where someone actually posed for these pictures, someone actually TOOK these pictures, and some computer actually DOWNLOADED these pictures.
1:25 – Oh, here comes the part where he showcases his “voice” with ad-libs.
1:27 – Either I’m trippin’ (totally possible I just drugged myself in order to endure the rest of this video) or there are inexplicable colorful circles dancing across his face right nah.
1:32 – Ya’ll heard that Anthony Hamilton note he hit, doe?!
1:47 – Did he say, “In the stream”? Le sigh.
1:55 – Ah yes, it is super important that we get an extreme close-up view of his tats. Ya’ll with HD YouTube are lucky dinna mug!! o_O
2:01 – Lawd, for a second there, I thought he was finna BLOW the bubbles. I wouldn’t put it past him. LOL
This is not about that life at ALL. This has nadda to do with the land of the living in any shape or form. JEEBUS.
Ya’ll try your best to have a great weekend after watching this mess. Ciao for now!
Love ya like emo teens love Hot Topic,