*CHEEKIE NOTE*: Hey, Pinchers! Today, I’m honored to have God’s Executive Assistant and my eMama, MsEsquire! She’s hilarious and I’m still campaigning for her to have her own blog. And by “campaigning”, I mean, “saying, ‘You should have your own blog, guhl!’ every now and then.” I love her and if you ain’t already familiar (thus, already loving her because nothing else is even possible), you will feel the same way after reading the below. Enjoy!
I was raised in church (go Baptists!) and one of my favorite parts of the worship experience has always been the music. I sang in the choir (altos stand up!) and loved the way we along with the piano, organ, drums, tambourines*, horns and guitar all came together and to get the congregation on their feet. I love all kinds of gospel/Christian music: hymns, Negro spirituals, anthems, praise & worship songs, etc. However, there are a few songs that irk my nerves. Which songs, you ask? Well here we go:
1) “I’m Glad I Got that Old Time Religion” If you aren’t familiar with it here’s a sample of the lyrics: “On Monday, I got that old time religion. On Monday I got that old time religion. On Monday I got that old time religion. I’m glad, I’m glad, I’m glad!”
This song is sooo repetitive! It’s all fun and games when you’re singing about Monday and Tuesday but by Thursday you just want the misery to be over. Whoever wrote this was the world’s laziest lyricist. *sigh* I rarely hear this song anymore and for that I am exceedingly glad!
2) “Kumbaya” Main verse/chorus: “Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. Kumbaya, my Lord, Kumbaya. Ohhh Lord, Kumbaya.”
If you don’t know this song you must have been raised in a cave, barn or alternate universe. It’s a favorite in Sunday school, vacation Bible school, camps and daycare/nursery schools across the nation. My first problem: Who/what is a kumbaya and why can’t we just use the English word/phrase?! Second problem: Why are the lyrics so uncreative? It’s like a 5 year-old wrote it! Whenever, I hear this song referenced in real-life or a TV/show movie I cringe. It makes me want to kick a squirrel!**
3) “Jesus Will Work It Out” (original and remix) I hate this song so much I REFUSE to type any of the “lyrics”.
I (thankfully!) have never heard either of these songs in an actual church service but Christian radio sneaks them into rotation enough that I’ve heard them more often than the law should allow. There are sooo many problems with this one but here are my top 3:
a) The soloist doesn’t sing, she screams. In the original version she screeches, “Abraham, Abraham!”*** and I promise he heard her. This pains my ears and my spirit. I want to slap her with a microphone!****
b) Why are almost all of her issues about being broke? Baby needs a pair a shoes, the light bill is due, house in foreclosure, etc. How about you stop hollering and get a job! The line I hate most is: “Telephone disconnect, waitin’ on yo’ next paycheck!”. Times are hard but what kind of hood ish is this?!
c) (This one is for my Bible scholars. *pops collar for Jesus*) The song is called Jesus will work it out but all of the Biblical references are to Old Testament stories…BEFORE JESUS WAS BORN!!! I love scripture references in songs (Fred Hammond is the man!) but could you PLEASE go to Bible study before you go to the studio. Most churches have it on Tuesday or Wednesday night, check your bulletin from Sunday and follow-up.
Anyway, those are the gospel songs that make me want to commit a felony. Do you have any?
Love you like Shirley Ceasar loves high collars and long hemlines,