Friday Foolery: A Walmart WTF

Walmart is the devil.

This is quite the common sentiment amongst Americano folks. Walmart is the mega-store that sells nothing short of everything (And for cheap! Just like the two-bit whore that it is), wiping out its competitors mercilessly.

However, I bet even the soulless Walmart doesn’t want to be associated with this hot, steaming pile of mess:

By the way, though a few people sent me the above video like the cruel generous Pinchers that they are, I have to give all blame props to That Damn African (who is currently holding the record for most Friday Foolery inspirations. CHALLONJ!) for sending it to me first. Eff you, man. Which means, “thank you” in Cheek-ese.

And before I start, I HAVE to add the NSFW disclaimer. If you know dayum well you have over-the-shoulder leeches amongst you at the gig, you should not watch this. Those of you with an office better close your door and put the headphones in. To be on the safe side, put a “In a Meeting” sign on the door. If you have your own office, you are important enough to have a meeting, so you’ll be straight.

Low-Priced Live Commentary:

0:03 – So, “Mr. Ghetto”, as he is so eloquently called, rolls up in a Jaguar S-Type. Yo! That is Mama Cheeks’ dream car! I cannot with him sullying the mode of transportation that my mother desires. NO.

0:07 – Yeah, not at ALL surprised at the ladies’ wardrobe, given the reputation Walmart has in terms of fashion.

0:15 – Whoaaaaaaaaaaaa! What in the entire conglomerate of a frick and frack?! O_O

0:21 – Wally wally wally wally wally wally world? Oh.

0:17 – AUTOMATICALLY my first question is, how in the world did they obtain permission to film this? Strike 3, Walmart. Strike 3.

0:22 – Man, I woulda straight DIED if I saw two chicks wobble-wobbling it down the aisle with a shopping cart like it’s just a normal occurrence.

0:25 – Five bucks say they got those “festive” shorts from Walmart.  If not there, then Family Dollar.

0:31 – Ok, so ya’ll know I’m a fan of cheeks and everythang, but I’m so offended by how up-close and personal this video is forcing me to be with their cheeks. I already know I’m gonna have to go to the clinic after this…

0:34 – Yes, my friends, they are INDEED dropping it like it’s burning (yeah, I bet it is) in a parking lot. Classy!

0:54 – She got her basket. And she riding it. Usually that is frowned upon in public establishments. However. If we had to choose ANYthing for her to kicked out of the store for, this would be the very LAST one.

1:03 – He hollered at her in the parking lot with “what’s yo name what’s yo numba guhl…. oooooh!.” That’s some hubby material, by default.

1:14 – GIRL. Upon first glance, I thought she had diapers in that shopping cart and I almost freaked the eff out. Then I realized she was eating a cookie. It’s sugar cookies. Yes, of course she is eating food that she hasn’t paid for yet. It’s a hoodrat hobby.

1:21 – Is that an EBT card hanging out her sports bra?

1:35 – MA’AM.

1:57 – Ok, now they adding more chicks? As if we haven’t seen enough infected booty?

2:02 – Ah, the requisite dougie moment…

2:21 – HOL’ UP. HOLD THE PHONE. HOLD THE ENTIRE US CELLULAR NETWORK. Did she just TRY ON some panties right then and there? Over her shorts that look like they smell like Corn Nuts and bankruptcy?! Where in the world is Carmen San Diego so she can tell me where dey do dat at?!!!

2:27 – This mofo ALMOST ruint the pure love I have for boyshorts. I was so close to quitting them just because of this part.

2:38 – #PannyHos

2:46 – Did this creature actually just rap about a douche? Not in the sense of insulting some a-hole, but in the sense of cleaning out your hoo-ha. Alllllrighty then.

2:49 – He alleges that she keep her body clean. o_O Kneegrow, you need a STABLE of more people.

3:04 – I’m still in shock that he devoted an entire verse to coochie cleansing products.

3:22- Lawd, this entire thing is just the lowest level of stupid. LMAO

3:45 – “Oooh, baby you so fine, she gave me her number in the checkout line.” Yeah, not nan ninja can say he ain’t no pimp for that.

4:20 – -_________________-

So, um yeah. Have the best weekend in the history of weekdays, Pinchers! Live it up!

Love ya like New Kids On The Block love the right stuff,

Cheekie

P.S. The fact that this is my last post before the Rapture (and will possibly be my legacy) proves I ain’t about SHAT.