*CHEEKIE NOTE*: Ya’ll heard of PassiveAggressiveNotes.com? Well, if you don’t know, now ya know. *B.I.G.-snarl* Well, a certain Pincher (who shall remain nameless to protect the 2-degrees-of-separation stars of this post, but she know who she be) decided to forgo that heavyweight and send it to me for my rinky-dink blog instead. She likes to keep it real, obviously. Maybe I’ll get as many hits as them now that I’m getting stuff submitted to me nowadays?! ._O
Those of us who work in any sector of corporate-topia know about the ins-and-outs of the communal fridge. The most important (and probably only) rule of the communal fridge is this: DON’T TAKE IT UPON YOURSELF TO PARTAKE IN OTHER PEOPLE’S FOOD.
Sadly, some folks aren’t aware of this rule, they conveniently forgot this rule, or they simply (and unapologetically*) ignore this rule altogether. Look, we know it’s hard out here for a pimp. This is mainly why folks are using communal fridges in the first place. People are brown-baggin’ it more and more. So, while it is understandable that you may be awaiting your next check before you can eat lunch again and Josie’s pasta primavera is looking mighty tasty right now, it is NOT worth it. You better dig deep in your desk drawers, eat that stale instant oatmeal**, and call it a d-a-y.
Apparently, not everyone has learned. To note:
Caption For the Squinting: "Please replace my Stouffer's Red Box. You know it did not belong to ya'll. I will forget this ever happened. Trust Me."
See how this is not a game? The person above made a note to specify that their missing lunch was a Stouffer’s red box. Hell, I thought all Stouffer’s boxes were red and that it was their signature color, but it’s better to be safe than sorry when it comes to nutrition during work hours. And to the person who took it, yes, that’s right, it didn’t belong to you. Contrary to popular belief among heathens, the communal fridge is not equal to a buffet line. This ish is so rampant, folks have to put their names on their lunches. And even then, persistent thieves have some sort of name-blockage radar that causes them to take someone else’s viddles anyway.
And victim is so eager to have their lunch in peace, they’ve offered to forget it even happened. But naw, I bet this hoodlum is off somewhere microwaving the stolen lunch on a floor they have never been to before, thinking they slick.
This one occurrence definitely had an impact on the rest of the office. And by “impact”, I mean:
Caption For the Squinting: "I wish a mother... would! Please do not try me. You will be discovered and jacked up."
Whoa, Nelly!***
WHAT did I tell ya’ll?! And who knows what’s even in this bag? It could be leftover’s from a delectable Soul Food dinner or a TV-dish that tastes like MSG and regret, but it doesn’t matter. The point is, lunchtime is a valued time in the workplace. And some klepto nabbing your food can understandably ruin said lunchtime.
Bottom line, in terms of lunch-stealing: Don’t do it. Much like the person who wishes a mother would, the owner will find you on some Antoine Dodson ish. So, I suggest that instead of trying to be a brave Grabby McGrabberson, just play it safe and make you a salad of sugar, pepper, non-sugar sweetener, and salt packets. Sure your tummy will complain, but at least you’ll be jacked-less. If I’ve touched just one young soul out there and stopped them from getting mollywhopped on the 15th floor, I’ve done my charitable job for the week.
Happy Friday, Pinchers! Have a great weekend! Which, I’m sure will be accomplished if you eat your own lunch and not your coworker’s. Remember: a weekend spent recovering at the hospital is not a great weekend.
Love ya like Randy Jackson loves dawgs,
Cheekie
At the height of the Atkins craze, I heard of a few people in my building (but not in my office) saying people had taken the meat out of their Chinese food. Like reall? you were poking around in someone’s shrimp fried rice for just shrimp? Gross
yeah this happened to someone in my office…..she ate quite a bit before she realized it……
WTF, more than one person telling this story?! WHERE is this happening? WHAT IS THIS WORLD?!
*moves to Pluto*
WAYMINT.
Someone actually dug around someone’s RICE for the SKRIMP? I am personally insulted by that on behalf of everyone’s Chinese food leftovers. Hmph.
Even though I’ve seen these photos your commentary made me laugh afresh!! #FridayFoolery is one of the best parts of my week
I’m glad! *hugs and foolery for everyone*
At my last corporate job a dude was known to Deebo condiments, to the point it was brought up in a high level meeting. The fcuk?
O_O Yeah, I’m mad it’s happening to the point where folks gotta book conference rooms and discuss over elongated tables about a dayum communal fridge. SMH @ these so-called grown-ups.
I. Hollered.
These pictures?! Thug life for real…we have a communal fridge at work (which needs to be cleaned because it smells gross), and for that very reason, I don’t use it. I use one of my coworkers’ fridges in her cube so I know my food is safe. I don’t even want to THINK of how heated I would be if somebody stole my plate…hmph.
Yeah, speaking of communal fridges, folks got so ratchet with ours (this one girl left a THREE MONTH OLD GALLON OF MILK IN THERE) our hospitality/facilities peeps had to make a calendar or cleaning. You didn’t have your stuff out after 3pm on the designated day? It got tossed. lol
I don’t blame ‘em. Spoiling food can affect all the other food in there. No, ma’am. NO.
This is LBoogies mom. I have spent my life in corporate world. We put Exlax in a batch of brownies and put them in all the lunches and sat back and waited to see whonran to the bathroom. The culprits were busted in more ways than one.
K-DAWG, in the house!
And wow, the above my friends, are how you know this is NOT a game. Exlax is definitely the one way to teach folks a lesson.
And that last line in the comment just KILLED me. HAHAHA!
I wish a mother would…foolery for sure.
Yes. Once you say those five words, it’s on like Donkey Kong.
*waves to Lauren’s mom*
My sister’s “name” is Sugar. That is all really, I had nothing else to say.
As for the post, it’s really sad that people are disrespectful and pathetic enough to take anything that CLEARLY doesn’t belong to them.
Right? I mean, I know when folks are hongree they resort to desperate measures but, lawd, can’t those desperate measures have more to do with borrowing money and less with stealing?
the key to stopping it from happening, is making YOUR lunch look extra appealing to the McGrabbers but secretly spiking it with ExLax or very HOT (like signature required upon purchase) SAUCE on everything, then McGrabbers are running to the bathroom, you are lunchless BUT at least they get a warning…..if it continues after that…well then….time for some THUG life stomping!!!
Definitely! And it’s worth the small sacrifice to keep it from happening in the future.
Long time lurker…first time posting. This post killed me DEAD. I was having a bad day today and this had me crying.with.laughter. Thank you!!!!!
Hey, BP! Thanks for de-lurking! Since you thanked me for providing you with crying-laughter, consider us even!