Getting older is something we all think about. Especially when we’re, you know… actually getting older. We think about things such as our looks, our level of success, possible children (or grandchildren), etc. In regards to looks in particular, I can’t say that I’m the type to worry about that thanks to the baby face. I’ll never be that lady that claims “29″ forever because I’mma probably look 22 then, anyway. Hell, I better accept my future reality as a cougar now. You mad (in advance)?
I have high hopes about the other aforementioned things, so I can’t say I’m agonizing about those, either. There are some things, however, that I’ve noticed about old folks that make me think, “Lawd, I hope I never get THAT old.” Not in the way that sounds. Hell, I wanna live as long as the homie, Methuselah if we wanna be real. I want a long, exquisite life. Anyway, when I say that, I mean that I don’t want to get “old-minded.”
Don’t worry, I won’t be the old lady in the club, it’s just a few things I hope I never embrace when I get on my AARP swag. Here are a few:
– The Obnoxious Decorating. Every time I look through a catalogue like Brylane Home and the like, there are always several pages dedicated to THEE most fugliest bedding in the entire universe. In the history of The Big Bang Theory. Ya’ll should see my face when I see a huge BALD EAGLE splattered across a comforter. Or a rooster-themed kitchen. o______O Then the store has some nerve to ask money for it. I wouldn’t have any of that in my home if you paid ME. I imagine only the elderly and Tea Party members (sometimes one and the same) find this delightful.
– The Jeans Of Mothers. Ok, first off, I know they’re called “mom jeans”, but don’t be associating MY mama with that. She has some sense not to wear jeans that make you look like you’re shaped like dishwasher. And I’m sure there are plenty more fab moms out there that are the same. But, I guess a lot of mothers do find these jeans practical and comfortable. But… yeah… see… no. Sweatpants/jogging pants are comfy too. And I bet I’d look better in those than some jeans with a waistband that comes all the way up to my (hopefully still ample by then) bosom. Excluding those from around the 80s and early 90s of course, because those were just…
– The Veteran Question. All you have to do is either go to at least one family reunion or simply be around an older person when some old school music plays in the background and you’ll hear it: Whatchoo know bout dat there, youngin’? That question has always made me side-eye and eyeroll simultaneously. Yes, what could I possibly know about old artists — especially legendary ones — because, of course music is only available for those who were alive when it was first released. Look, my creamed-corn enthusiast, I may not have a Hoveround, but I’m pretty sure I can access music from way back when. And even — GASP — love it. Ain’t that about a blip?!
– The Obsessively Nostalgic Mentality. We all know that the days were good. And old. The Bunkers expressed their love for the olden days in their opening theme song. However, I cannot be that old fogey that goes on and on lamenting on how things ain’t the same. I mean, it’s one thing to say ish like, “Any generation that allows Wacka Flocka Flame into the music industry is doomed” in passing, but to ceremoniously Debbie Downer all over the young folks at every given moment? Not cute. Let’s take this straight, no chaser: Everyone was young once. And yes, YOUR music and libations were considered insane by the previous generation. So you should know how it feels! The only mofo who had ultimate pop culture respect was effing Adam, who repped the Garden of Eden. And even then, I bet God was like, “Ya know, I miss the good ol’ days when it was nuthin but light.” So, I suggest to my future self and everyone else’s that we should just let the young bucks have their time. Besides, I wanna be the cool grandma attempting to do the year-2061 version of The Dougie.
Pinchers, what say you? Do you ever think of quirky stuff like the above when it comes to getting older? We all mortal and shit. Let’s bond over that. Speak on it!
*looks up at post with chagrin* -_- I PROMISE I respect my elders, yo.
Love ya like the 2011 season premiere of The Game LOVES doing the absolute most,