A Very Cheekie Christmas: Press Play

*CHEEKIE NOTE*: Remember, no Friday Foolery this week since I’m off work (or next week, either for the same reason, actually), but I promise to make it up with a great one to start off the new year. At least I hope so… *feels the pressure*

A very cheeky Christmas, indeed...

So, I began my 2010 Christmas-themed week with a general list of what makes Christmas official for me, but the truth is… nothing makes Christmas more official than toys! And sure, adults can have toys, too! They have entire stores dedicated to that. *winknudge*

There are specific toy-esque aspects of Christmas that will always stick out in my cloud of memories. I’m gonna be a dear and share a few with ya’ll. I’m already fidgeting in my seat in excitement to cut to the chase. *as I grab some of my nephew’s toys to act out an actual chase scene* Thus, without further ado…

Don’t make me pull the toys out, huh?! Don’t make me pull the toyyyyyysssss!

1. The Sneak. No Keak. Anyone who knows me knows that I love to be surprised. There is nothing that I love more (other than surprising someone ELSE) than someone truly pulling one over me. Because, the ish ain’t easy. It’s the reason for my squinty eyes. Only true weasels have beady eyes so I definitely look the part. One particular Christmas that showcased my sneakiness was a big one. I was about eight years old. Mama Cheekie went ALL out and bought me beaucoup Barbie accessories since I was a Barbie fiend (I was the type to create/act out little scenes with my dolls, not so much play dress up and/or do their hair. See? I was always a screenwriter!). I’m talkin’ boxes and boxes of Barbiephernelia. Anyway, I was living with my grandmother at the time so Mama decided to hide them in one of Grandma’s closets a couple days before Christmas. Um. FAIL. Kids IN GENERAL are sneaky as it is. Add the giddyness of Christmas and my squinty eyes and you have a surprise fail. I’m not sure why they did that (I probably wasn’t supposed to go “meddling” in this closet) but it just wasn’t the best place to hide something from someone as curious* as I. As soon as Grandma went to sleep, I creeped around like T-Boz, Left-Eye and Chilli looking for the place Mama hid my presents. After about 5 seconds of looking elsewhere, I went right to the closet and… EUREKA! Toy bliss! I sat there, wide-eyed** for a few moments, taking it all in. Excitement, in the form of figurative bunny rabbits, frolicked in my tummy for the entire night. Man, I couldn’t WAIT to open my goodies. The next evening (Christmas Eve) Grandma and Mama felt generous and allowed me to open my gifts at midnight since by that age, it was getting more difficult for me to fall asleep early like good kids waiting for Santee Claus do. I opened my gifts and boyyyyy did I ham. it. up! Lots of “ooooohs”, “ahhhhs” and “thank youuuuuus” all around. Hey, I’m a Leo. Drama is what we does. And we do it well. LL. To this day, Mama has NO idea I did that. *evil cackle*

2. The Big Book. EFFING THIS. There was nothing like getting the Toys R Us Big Book in the mail. As soon as I saw it, I’d plop in the middle of the floor, lie on my tummy and browse it with my legs kicked up. And of course, I got a pen/marker and marked things I lusted after. Yes, even things I knew damn well I wouldn’t be able to get since Mama was a single mama. Didn’t stop me from circling and hoping. Every year, flipping through that book became like a sport to me. A tradition. It’s funny because, looking back, I don’t quite remember exactly when I stopped this tradition. However, recently, I was browsing the book for possible gifts for my nephew and I realized something: Has the Big Book gotten smaller or have I gotten bigger? *looks at thighs* Yeah, definitely the latter. But, some of the former, too, right? That book ain’t so “BIG” no mo’. But, speaking of things I knew I wouldn’t get…

3. The Wheels of Power. I cannot even do the desire I had in my heart for Power Wheels true justice by using words. To say I “wanted” a Power Wheels is like saying Justin Bieber fans think Justin is a nice fellow. Understatement of the entire century. In fact, I have actually said that I FAILED at childhood for not getting one. Yeah, that’s dramatic. And I’m sorry, Mama. But, I did! I don’t care if those things actually went slower than a Hoveround on its last battery juice, it seemed to go faster than the Flash as a kid. Because it was like having a REAL car. It was like being a grownup. I swear, if I had one of those, you wouldn’t have been able to tell me SHIT. In fact, I probably would’ve grown up to be a stuck-up individual, so maybe it was all for the best. Divine order. But anyway, nowadays, I’m trying to live vicariously through my nephew in my quest to buy him a Power Wheels Cadillac Escalade.*** I was so geeked when I first found out one of these existed… and then I saw the price. Over 300 bucks. JiggaBeyonceSolange WHAT?! Yeah, um, I love my nephew and all (I call him my weakness!), but his auntie ain’t tryna eat crackers and air for a month now. But, hit me up in about a year. I’mma get it! I’m shooting for summer 2011, actually. I will stop this vicious childhood fail cycle!

See, what toys do to me?! So, here is your chance, Pinchers, to share your best toy memories during Christmastime! I know I scared you away yesterday with my yelling on not mentioning anything regarding toys then, but now’s the time! You know you want to! Oops, I’m yelling again…

Have a Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah, Pincheeeeees! May your holiday(s) be full of… fullness. *Christmas pinch*

See ya Monday!

 

Love ya like Chicago loves to play with my emotions with its weather,

Cheekie

 

 

 

*Other folks call it, “nosy.” I call them, “haters.”
**I know… impossible.
***Yes, when he gets it, I’mma try to get him to pose like the young lad in the picture. Foolish, thy name is Auntie Cheeks.