You probably thought it was hard out there for a pimp. And it just may be. But, pimps (even the fake ones that only emulate real pimps in dress, as in Chicago) ain’t got nuffin on single women. Womens who check the “single” box got it tough! Especially one with melanin, as Nightline and/or Washington Post will surely tell you.
And no example has showcased such dating hardships quite like the one I’m about to share with you, my Pinchers. Well, actually, I’m paying the foolery forward. It’s a movement, ya’ll! o_O
One day, I was enjoying a leisurely gchat with @quiethaylestorm, very smartly known as “Keisha Brown” (KB) to you VSB hos. She decided to be THE BEST PERSON EVAH and share a note she received from a potential (except, there’s absolutely no potential there) suitor via an online dating site.*
Behold, the note. VERBATIM. Thank her later:
look at your picture, i am even scared to write. You look to good to be true. I want love, can you give me love. tell me about you.
thank you for the compliment. Have a great weekend.
have a great day.???? that all I get???what??? are you serious?? Now you know what. I want you. I am africa? in my culture, I get what I like. No mountain would stop me.I buy you a private jet?? brand new car?? or I give you my mother?? which one do you want.
Naturally, she — in own her words — proceeded to “BLOCK. DELETE all while giving a MAJOR SIDE EYE.” Word, homie. Word.
- AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *chokes* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *coughs* Heeheeheehee.
- Ok. *breath*
- First off, ol’ dude is obviously enraptured by KB’s picture. He claims he’s too afraid to even write. This reminds me of what The Champ said about men not being truly intimidated by a woman if he’s brave enough to approach her. Then again, as the children of the future know, the innanets allows those who are not brave to at least appear brave online. Word to e-thugs. Maybe that’s what he’s all about here.
- KB’s shutdown is EPIC. She thanked him and told him to have a great weekend. Boom. Does he take the hint? *Senator Clay Davis* Sheeeeeeeeeeiiiiit, dudes can’t even take “I have a boyfriend” as a rejection, let alone taking a damn hint.
- THIS is where it gets legendary. He is appalled that all he got were well wishes for the weekend. Actually, amongst his pure white hot fury, he mistakenly thought that she only wished him a great day. Maybe he woulda felt a bit better had he realized he read it wrong and she actually hoped his entire weekend was great? Oh, hell. That mofo is lucky he didn’t get a sternly worded email from the dating site’s officials for being a ding-dang creep.
My Favorite Parts Of His Retort:
1. “I am africa?” I love how he is essentially asking her if he is an entire continent. Dude, does she look like a map to you?
2. “No mountain will stop me.” This must be the lyrics to the remix of the classic Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell hit.
3. “or I give you my mother??” What in thee Orbit Gum fuck?! He offered to give away the woman who (unfortunately) birthed him to a chick he JUST started talking to. Online. Damn, Gina. KB has beaucoup opportunities to brag. She can just say a dude wanted to hand over his mother in exchange for her love. Just leave out the other stuff and folks will believe she must a dimepiece! I have to wonder, though. What would she do with someone else’s mother? Force her to bake pies?
Happy Friday, Pinchers! I would say have a great weekend, but you all will probably get angry and offer me your family members.
Love ya like Jenifer Lewis loves to appear in every Black film,