A Pinched Disclaimer: To those who looked at the title of today’s post and expected this, I’m terribly sorry. I’m also sorry that aforementioned song is now in your head because I linked it. I’m also sorry for forcing you to get up and do the “get silly” dance just for thinking of it. And while I’m at it, I’m sorry for two-thousand-four. So…
Taral Hicks. My fondest* memory of her is when she played Jane in A Bronx Tale. She was the chick that caught Calogero’s eye while jazz played in the background. Remember when he told his dad he didn’t even like jazz? I bet he appreciated it right at that moment. She was that bad.
Cut to some years later when she’s grown. And you get the following video…
Today’s Friday Foolery is brought to you by La Bakir. Thanks for sending this to me, girl! Also, sidenote: Yo, Nick? I was gonna make this week’s Friday Foolery centered around a pic, but when you announced that you finally got speakers? Well, how could I resist? This is for you. From me. And La Bakir**.
Live Commentary (no wardrobe malfunctions):
0:06 – Damn, she smacked the hell outta him! She mad, huh?
0:08 – Oh, she mad at that loud ass TV-static shirt he rockin’. Understandable.
0:15 – Dang, she cryin’! Will Smith better up his game! Now there’s a ninja that got his cryin’ game on point. But, her glitter mascara is runnin’! Fresh Prince? That’s a CHALLONJ for ya.
0:20 – This country mofo got a Steve Harvey top-button-up on. Ain’t yo neck hot?
0:25 – Aw, she sing with such emotion. You see that over-lip-singing? Don’t hate.
0:33 – What are they doing? Wrestling threesome? Ya’ll nasty! Or are they fighting over her? And what was with the weird arsty angles? Ya’ll ain’t getting n’an Palme d’Or, so just STOP.
0:38: I bet you 500 Monopoly dollars and Park Place that they are laughing during this tussle. They don’t look angry at ALL.
o:41 – jlsjfsdlfjslfjslfjejkdgkshfgskdfksfkhsdk
1:02 – Oooh, that nicca that just licked his lips? GAHTDAMN. How am I supposed to properly roast this? La Bakir, you evil! Evil, I say!
1:11 – Aw, Taral really need Oprah and her Kleenex right nah. She look a mess.
1:23 – Um, Taral? You are gorgeous. And maybe that’s why you’re thinking you’re getting away with this awful lip-singing job. That’s my hypothesis.
1:38 – Oh, she done changed her outfit. But, she still hasn’t wiped off her face! What are your priorities in life, child??
1:51 – I appreciate the gratuitous shirtless man shots. Good look, Ms. Hicks. I mean, whoever directed this hot mess.
2:03 – Ya’ll heard that vibrato? Ya’ll saw her mouth do the vibrato shake? Watch out Smokey Robinson! o_O
2:10 – She put the finger to the head. Ultimate effing diss. OWNED.
2:21 – This ninja got a stocking cap on. Not a du-rag. A down, deep in the south, stocking cap. You see how the top is pinched like a Trojan? I can’t.
2:54 – She got that pained facial expression down pat. Because she looks either butthurt or like she needs to let out a nice poot.
3:04 – I sweah fo’ lawd, she smiled when she slapped him. They need to do an Academy Awards for performances in music videos. It’ll be kinda like the short film category. o_O
3:21 – Aw, snap, she bust out the glasses. As hundreds of VSBs engage in happy time with themselves.
3:30 – Hmm. I wonder what that note she just hit was called…
3:53 – Um, if she wanna gon’ ‘head hug herself, I’ll take that ninja sitting alone behind her. I mean, I’ll throw that stocking cap in a trash compactor, but I’d holla…
3:55 – It’s like eight seconds of her lip-singing to nothing. No sound. As if her lip-singing skills are so dope.
And that about does it.
Wait, I JUST NOW realized, just now, that this was a remake of Deniece Williams’ “Silly”. I was sittin’ here like, “Wow, this sounds familiar. Huh.” Yeah, I know I need some good sleep. I’m a trip. LOL, Taral didn’t do a bad job actually…this video, though? Yeah…Happy Friday Foolery.
Enjoy your weekend, Pinchers!
Love ya like Chelsea Clinton loves ruining people’s weddings,
P.S. I did actually listen to “Get Silly” after writing this and got CRUNK in my crib, by myself…sitting in my chair. Join me.
*Hell, for some, it’s their “only.”
**I love how I’m just giving you a gift on behalf of someone else without them knowing. But La Bakir loves you. She loves us.