Gentrified Grub

‘Chall know bout that blue corn moon?

It all started with a Facebook status.

Which, ain’t so surprising. Facebook is the den of dumbness, the room of ratchet, the lair of… ludicrous.

So, Beez (who happens to beez in the trap… MIND BLOWN) posted a very poignant status with much chagrin…

Beez: First bacon. Now, the hipster foodies are trying to gentrify “soul food.” Neck bones never did anything to anybody.

Word, Beezy F. Baby. Word. I know folks are all over the Carolinas of North talmbout how “sacred” marriage is, but let’s get to the REAL pressing issues. What seems to be losing its sacred status is good ol’ soul food. Like, we can’t have NOTHIN’, can we?

Just because a bunch of 2520s with an ironic fashion sense happen to “come across” something, doesn’t make it newly cool. I’m here to learn ya’ll something. Because if you don’t know, now you know. Greens, macaroni and cheese (the kind the OVEN begat… there is no other kind), sweet potatoes, cornbread, peach cobbler, neck bones… all’at and et cetera? Has always been cool. ALL-the-hell-WAYS.

This is not some new exclusive ish that will have a special on E! at 8 o’clock, 7 central. Talmbout some dayum, “Chitterlings: The E! True Hollywood Story.” Nawl, joe!

Of course, Beez’ observation sparked quite the… passionate discourse among Alise and I. The following occurred…

Me: LET me see some “hog maws sushi.” I am catching a CASE!

Beez: You know they’re already on it… I’ve seen more oxtails mentioned in fine dining in the last 6 months than I have my whole life. We didn’t give up offal for folks to give it a fancier name and lay claim to that ish.

Alise: Chitterling Quiche with a Texas Pete reduction.

Me: *DEAD* Alise, please vacate all parts of my life.

Beez: Hog head cheese etoufee.

Me: Oh, hell. Might as well… pickled pig feet quinoa.

Beez: I swear, if this trend drives up the cost of turkey necks, me and the hipsters are gonna have a “talk.” In my “office.”

Peebz (special guest star!): Lordy, Lordy…I need a 40. *lays down*

Yeah, this is why you shouldn’t give us nice things such as open-ended statements.

And of course, we followed up with more via Gchat, which is where the foolery that was birthed via one social network (Facebook, Twitter, etc) is taken to cross ALL of the lines.

More hipster food happenings…

Beez: headcheese consomme
with the fancy thing over the e

Alise: I have a hankering for a Vienna sausage hash over turkey grease flavored couscous

Me: i can’t wait to get that fatback 100% lean goat bacon tho

Beez: I’m thinking of a pickled pig feet and quinoa salad with beets.
don’t forget the scrapple vinaigrette

Beez:  *makes chitlin borscht*

Alise: *makes a potted meat remoulade*

Me: beeeez noooo lmao
wait til i make my hot water gluten free cornbread tho

Again. No amount of nice things should be distributed amongst us.

Oh, by the way, since we obviously adopted a “can’t beat ‘em, join them… or actually, OVERthrow them” mantra, we figured we could make one of these hipster soul food joints.

My restaurant name idea? “RENT ‘EM SPORKS!” Yeah.

And Beez, rightfully said, “You’ve gotta put green in there somewhere. Hipsters do not go if there’s green.” And she’s right. So, I posited that we can put some environmental stamp on it. Maybe a picture of some little tree ninja with sunglasses on… or some ish.

SMH @ our entire essence.

Pinchers, how do you feel about gentrification? Or hipster-ization. Even beyond houses, buildings, and neighborhoods, I mean in terms of traditions period? Especially when it comes to food, it seems like there’s always some “hot, new” item to digest when really, ish been around since Morgan Freeman played stick ball with Abel (and Cain was obviously salty that Morgan liked Abel better than him). Also, do you have any other foodie items that should appear on our menu for the (now hypothetical) “Rent ‘Em Sporks” trendy restaurant?

Love ya like Chicago loves to go NUCKING FUTS when there is the combo of sunshine and a holiday weekend,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: Da Bess Mayne (Redux)

I love when folks hit me up for the SOLE purpose of sending me foolery. No need to waste time with pleasantries or all’at ish normal people have to deal with. Cut to the foolish chase!

That’s exactly what the homie, Star did. She hit me up on GChat with a link RIGHT off the bat and told me she knew I’d love this video because it did THEE most. She get me.

Now, before I get to the video, I wanna do a prologue, so to speak. The prologue, is actually the YouTube description, but it’s too good NOT to feature on its own. Alas…

“shiiiiiiii, 3rd track off my album. gonna be a hidden track, you gotta listen to the second track all the way through to get to dis one. took a minute to get this one up cuz SOMEONE ON THIS STREET CALLED THE POLICE ON US, AND TO THAT SOME1 (IF YOU WATCHIN THIS VIDEO, WHY YOU HATIN?) EITHER WAY I JUS SAID F IT, WE AINT GET ALL THE SHOTS WE WANTED, BUT WHATEVER, WE STILL GO HARD.

DIS ONE CALLED IMDABES

shout out to Eli”

Huh. Firstly, I love how ol’ dude is like, “EXCLUSIVE ‘SCLUSIVE, THE ONLY WAY YOU CAN GET THE 3RD JOINT IS YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO THIS ONE ALLLLLAWAY THROUGH, IT’S A SECRET EGG!” As if YouTube doesn’t give users the ability to — I don’t know — fast-forward/rewind to a certain point in the video. I gotta respect the fact that he gave us the behind-the-scenes of how this video came to be, tho. Everyone loves a good DVD commentary, so mad props for that, mister. AND, as you can see, he just gave a shout-out to Eli. YES, that Eli. The Eli who has provided the most epic Friday Foolery material to ever be Friday Foolery’d. o_O

How do I know he’s paying homage to THEE Eli Porter? Le duh! The joint is called, “IMDABES.” Sure, he switched it up a bit by subtracting the “mayne”, deleting an extra ‘s’, and making it one word, but we all know who is the OG of being da bess.

Speaking of cutting to the chase, lemme drink my “digress” flavored tea and get to the gettin’:

DABESLIVECOMMENTARY:

*Quick Yet Important Note*: If you are watching this on the YouTube website instead of the embedded video above, please click the Closed Captioning (CC) button for the FULL experience. Basically, you should see subtitles while viewing. You’re welcome.

0:05 – Ya’ll see that animated video ho? What is this, some “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” or “Cool World” (mad points if you know ’bout this here) type ish? Move over Paula Abdul! This guy is DABES at live-action animated fusions! Speaking of… is that his name? IMDABES? *looks at YouTube name* Well, that says “gmcfosho”, so I may go with that. Though, the former IS more fun. Moving on…

0:07 – This is totally giving me bootleg “Aqua Teen Hunger Force” vibes.

0:23 – Oh, he doin’ the “swagswagswagswag” ad libs?! I’m in love already…

0:29 – Whoa now! Who dat? Is this ninja Liu Kang bicycle-kicking across the screen, tho?!! In a chill manner? This mofo like “woopwoopwoopwoopwoopwoop”, Liu Kang-ing in slow motion.

0:41 – Those hands popping out from behind the car! LOL Ok, I can already tell this gonna be one of those super fun videos where if you blink, you miss something.

0:47 – I agree. Standin on a car with a “fenga” in the air is the most accurate manner in which to provide scientific evidence that one is, indeed… DABES.

0:54 – Are “Streetfighter Turnamints” little minty candies sold at novelty stores? One of the flavors could be Raspberry Ryu or somethin’.

0:57 – FREEZE. So, I had to pause here because my ears were telling me one thing (one million dollars) but my eyes were saying another, (ALL OF THE ZEROS). So, I stopped and counted. It’s 11 zeros up in that 1 million. Aiight.

1:06 – Homie said he got the “hyest” score in the world on his SAT (which is allegedly 1600, right?), but then said he went to “Evrest.” Wow. Way to stay humble, ninja.

1:13 – LMAO. Dude was like, lemme stop playin’, a billion sounds nice but I’m just gone make up this bigger number because I’m the what? BEST.

1:19 – Power Rangers shout-out!! *Black Ranger Body Roll* Though, I do wonder what TV station he was watchin’ “Powa Rainjas” on. Oooh, Kenan & Kel! *nostalgia-gasm*

1:32 – SERIOUSLY wondering what his sudden dire need for a lightsaber is, tho.

1:37 – It seems to be just for swag purposes, but ya never know, a buffalo may pop outta nowhere or something. Hell, Drake did it when he was taking care of you.

1:41 – YESSSSSS, pyro!

1:45 – Ruh roh… those opening doors. This some Hitchcockian suspense right’chere.

1:54 – I… can’t… add anything to this.

2:00 – Yo, is that Weird Al Yankovic over there on the right???

2:01 – Ya’ll, his car move when he ain’t driving it. Either he in a automatic car wash with his joint on “neutral” or he’s the Black Chuck Norris. You decide.

2:07 – AW SNAP! The Liu Kang ninja back, but he on fire!! Too much pyro! THIS is the time to use the lightsaber. Not sure how it’ll put out a fire, but everything that has managed to happen so far leads me to believe anything is possible.

2:12 – “Teabaggin ya’ll. Liptons. On da rocs.” Lawd, Jay-Z WISH he came up with that, I bet. Missed opportunities.

2:19 – Hol’ up. So, when the baby wasn’t his, he threw ol’ girl on a MINE?! Um, where is this Maury episode? Eff seeing dudes doing various hot dances in celebration, that’s old news. Is there a Director’s Cut Maury DVD or something? Ya’ll gotta let me know this stuff.

2:23 – Lawd, this dude just Oliver Twist’d that po’ chile and he still talmbout how he the best. Prolly BECAUSE of it. Just evil.

2:25 – Chekm8, tho. *flings self off chair* … *gets up* I’m mad he felt the need to say he was playing chess (minus one ‘s’… this dude is double-s racist, obviously). Dude. You got the best SAT score in the world, but you ain’t gotta be condescending. Give us lowly “non-best” SAT scorers some credit here. Hmph.

2:31 – Wait. Wayment. Way-thehell-ment. Again with my ears and eyes having beef. I HEARD “arthritis.” YA’LL heard, “arthritis.” But, WHAT do my eyes present to me?? Motherlovin’, “ARASEDDFASDFIS.” I Shan’t! Ok, I keep joking that my squinty eyes give me limited vision, but I totally believe it now. Because this can’t be true life.

2:42 – o__________O

2:54 – See! I ain’t eeeem notice the moment where he got that random bottle of wine. SWAG on, sir!

2:59 – Oh, he must be pouring it out for that flaming Liu Kang ninja that he REFUSED to attempt to save. R.I.P. Flaming Kang.

3:04 – This fight going on in the foreground, tho. SMH

3:14 – *actually puts fengas in the sky since I’m aware of my “besssss” status*

3:20 – Wayment. How you gone uplift us then shoot us down by telling us to acknowledge that YOU the best, now? :-/

3:21 – Aw, hell now the animated video ho is on fire, too. This “Catching Fire” arse video.

3:28 – He said it!! He said, “I deed it.” HOMAGE, paid in full, bishessssss.

3:34 – He put on that crown to make it official.

3:38 – Shout-out to that sun with the shades up there with that bawse bass in its voice, too.

3:45 – *final and epic finger in the air*

And apparently (from looking at the “related videos” screenshots) this dude has LOADS of other videos doing all kinds of random mess. I see who gonna be making frequent appearances here. *whistles*

Pinchers, do you think he da bessssssss? Are YOU da bessssss? Am I da besssssss? Also, fill free to shout-out any little moments I didn’t mention above. I need a reason to watch this over and over in search for something new. It’s one of those.

Have a foolishly patriotic Memorial Day weekend!

Love ya like Eddie Murphy apparently loves to randomly smang Rocsi,

Cheekie

Shrinkage, Styles, And Sentiments

It’s almost been a year since my big chop (O_O), and I can honestly say that all of the hair adventures, stories, trials and tribulations, all’at and et cetera have been supremely worth it. I don’t regret one bit of becoming natural and I know I sound like a dayum Dove ad, but ever since chopping off the creamy crack, I’ve never felt more like… me.

Because I told ya’ll I’d make sure to take you all along for the journey, I do have a few updates to share. Leggo!

1. Shrinkage Is SO Real In These Streets. I’d heard about shrinkage before and being aware of my hair in its natural state when I was younger, I knew my curl pattern was tightly coiled. But, since paying more attention to my hair this go-round (country!!), I’ve truly discovered the phenomenon that is shrinkage. When I tell ya’ll that there is a HUGE difference between my hair stretched-out and my hair coiled-up?! This ain’t a game. Lemme show you…

Jigga Whaaaaaaa?!

Ya’ll see this mess??? And this is my NAPE hair growing like weeds. Like, I could totally go back to my 8th grade self and have a draping wrap style right now. But, I ain’t finna talk about how I’m not quite ready to straighten my hair because I’m loving my curls too much and I’m paranoid that ONE straighten session will destroy said curls forever. -_-

2. Stylin’ On You. Of course, the most fun I’ve had since my hair has grown is the different styles I get to play around with. And I’ve been playin’ my cheeks off! Figuratively, my chile.

I’ve tried a bantu-knot (which was my staple during transitioning)…

I look excited as hell to take this pic, don’t I? *flings confetti* ( ._.)

Not bad, though I think my twist-outs yield bigger hair. I got some practice to do…

And I’ve tried the infamous braid-out…

Nawl, forreal. This looks like the movie poster for the new horror film, “BEASTLY BRAID-OUTS” or some ish.

Awwwwww. *pinches self*

So, yeah… I’m glad that I’m having fun with all this experimenting. And for someone who once called herself, “hair-retarded”, I don’t think I’m doing half bad on the self-instruction. Of course, YouTube is a FABULOUS teacher’s assistant. *wink*

3. I Can Feel The Love… Literally. One of the major components of the natural hair life is the fact that EVERYone has a desire to touch your hair. For the general sentiment surrounding this phenomenon, please click this right ‘chere –> ThisRightChere.

Hilarious!! I totally get the feeling that we’d rather our hair not be a sideshow (no Bob), but sometimes, I don’t eeeem mind. I mean, as long as you ask first (bonus points if you ask in a funny/cute way) and don’t just sample the goods without permission, I’m cool with it. That’s not to say that I’d let ANY ol’ mofo all up in my hair, but if you comin’ with genuine love… I #minuswell show you some, too.

This is me. Not caring. #bighairdontcare

One particular situation that I can now count as one of my best natural hair experiences went a little somethin’ like this. I was at my boy’s “Taco & Tequila Tuesdays” grand opening at a new spot and the following ensued…

*We all walk out to get some air because ya’ll know how it is when too many kneegrows are in one room*

*A group of dudes (some of which we had just taken shots with) come out and chat with us*

Drunk Birfday Ninja (DBN): Heyyyyy, girl its my birfday, you know.

Me: I didn’t know that. Happy Birfday, hun! That’s great! Live it up!

DBN: I plan to! Ya know, I love your hair. I love the natural sistas.

Me: *smiles* Thanks!

DBN: *leans in closer… like, drunk unstable closer* Mmmmm, it smells so good. Oooh, it’s so soft, too. Can I kiss it?

Me (in my mental mind): SCURRRRRRRRRRRR! LMFAO ROFL

Me (in my reality): *laughs* Um… sure!

*He actually leans in and KISSES my hair*

Yeah. Blame it on the couple of long islands and tequila shots or the fact I felt I needed to be nice to the birfday boy, but I totally let him do it. And it was fun and hilarious. Besides, I’m always one to do something so I’ll have a story to tell. The writer’s life…

So, Pinchers, as you can see I’m loving the naturalista life and I’m looking forward to further progress. But, tell me. How’d I do with the styles up there? Do you think I’m nuts for letting mofos feel up on my hair (and how do you feel about it on your own hair)? And did you SEE my shrinkage, tho????

Love ya like certain protesters love to go WAY left during certain summits,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: I’m Just Saying… Do Better

It’s been a long time, I shouldn’t have left you… without some foolery to laugh ’til you lose your breath to.

(-_-)

Because of my slight absence from the Friday Foolery series, I figured I had to return with a bang. And ain’t it quite apropos that Mr. “Cole You Stoopid” himself, Panama Jackson provided the ammo.

So, one day I was chatting with him and we were dispensing our pleasantries — the “hi’s”, the “how are you’s” — when he hit me with the hee:

“YOU.ARE.WELCOME. http://www.reverbnation.com/shugaree”

Yeah, despite your presumptuous statement, Panda… I do gotta say: Thank you. Muchly. Jerk.

So, without ANY further ado, Pinchers… I present to you, Shugaree.

BETTER Live Commentary:

0:05 – Just 5 seconds in and I HAVE to note the Alanis-level IRONY of the title. I’mma just let that marinate.

0:11 – (._. ) … ( ._.) … (._.) So, um… well, at least we can see the lyrics. So, um… we can, um… sing along! But, let’s take a moment to assess this opening line, “We have got to better with the things we got to do…” Oh, aiight. Deep.

0:12 – TELL me this ain’t a Powerpoint Presentation from Windows ’98.

0:23 – So, lemme pause and let ya’ll know that this song apparently exists to assist efforts with the Gulf Oil Spill clean-up, which is great, but um muh ruh… where is the charity for this song, tho?!

0:31 – Ya’ll hear her stumbling on “responsibility?!” It’s like in the middle of the word she almost decided to change it to another word because she was on Thesaurus (dot) com, but then she’s like “YOLO”* and kept it movin’…

0:38 – The “GET TOGETHER” was capitalized, but she shole said it as monotonous and “eh” as she’s singing the rest of the song, so…

0:39 – Also, — and I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned this before — THIS MUSIC. It’s totally on some incompatibility mess. It don’t even GO wif with this song, ya’ll! The music and this song mixes like oil and water. Wait… not THAT kind of oil. WELP. Totally just ran into that bad pun… *whistles*

0:44 – I swear she singing these lyrics like a 3rd grader who has to read a book in front of the class and happens to come across a few words (s)he doesn’t know.

1:08 – Ok, I figured it out. She recording this on the toilet after eating Taco Bell, ain’t she?

1:14 – Her “come on now” adlib didn’t even sound like an adlib because, once again, it sounded JUST like every other bit of the song! AND I have no desire to come on now… or later. Hype fail.

1:31 – Ya know, saying we gotta do better for the things we gotta do is some PRESSURE like a mug. Think about it… you’ve already been assigned something you GOTTA do now this mofo tryna tell you to do it better? Lawd.

1:37 – O_O Chile, NO. NO. NO. NO. THE OPPOSITE OF YES.

1:57 – Ok, I BUST out laughing at the “QUIT BLAMING THE PRESIDENT MAKE IT SAFE” sign. You TELL ‘em Bulah and Thelma!

1:58 – 2:02 – Um, they ain’t provide lyrics for this part. And this part needed lyrics more than ANY of the other parts because I can only conclude that she was singing in tongues. But, yeah… what’s done is done.

2:20 – Seriously. Did she get this music from the cell phone holding music catalogue? I SWEAR I heard this one time while I was waiting for my outsourced customer service rep.

2:28 – She tryna do that “sexy and passionate” thing with her voice they did in the 90s. Yeah… no.

2:57 – That awkward moment when the singer’s voice is sadder than the images that are being displayed…

3:07 – Did they just put up a framed picture from the Liquidator’s sale of a furniture store, tho?????

3:15 – Is that her man?

3:50 – She. Cons-ti-pa-ted.

3:59 – So, they just said, “eff the lyrics”, at this point, huh? I guess this the freestyle part of the song…

4:07 – BULAH AND THELMA AGAIN! HAY, MAMAS! Wait… *leans toward computer screen* Those ARE both women, right? (kinda skeptical about the one on the left) *squints some more* Yeah, I think so… okay. LADIES, YOU BETTA WERK!

4:17 – At first glance… totally thought that was cocaine. But, um… what is it?

4:68 – LOL, with that “hey heyyy HAYheyyyy” riff she just did, she totally sounded like three different people. Maybe she wants to be a girl group now.

4:42 – Awww!!! Cheeks luh da kids.

4:47 – “Unlike the recent natural disasters, the Gulf Oil Spill was manmade. That still doesn’t stop the fact that it will affect us.” Girl, WHAT?! What type of argument is that??? LMAO. Um, who even questioned that a manmade disaster would affect us? If anything, they’re likely to affect us in a MORE deadly way in some instances. Why was this included? What… was the point… there?

4:53 – “Directly or indirectly.” Aw, snap! That was deep, yo. She dropped that, what? KNOWLEDGE. She learned ya’ll somethin’ right there.

4:53 – “Sooner or later.” … Ok, how many addenda (ya’ll see that Latin plural swag I had to look up on Google?) gon’ pop up now? Lawd.

4:59 – It’s TIME for this song to end… in fact, it’s lonnnnnnnng overdue.

5:08 – Are ya’ll wondering how much was donated? Because I SHOLE am. Pure curiosity. *sips tea*

Well… dayum.

Pinchers, what ya’ll think of this charitable effort? You want her to perform at schools and events in your community, dont’cha? Mmmhmm.

Happy Friday!

Love ya like President Obama (publicly) loves equal marriage rights,

Cheekie

*I’m totally and fully aware that the YOLO acronym wasn’t around at this time, but the saying itself shole was so… YOLO.

How Much They Hate It? Very!

*PINCHED NOTE*: Ya’ll may or may not (more so the latter) have noticed I’ve been a bit absent from this here eCrib. I have a good reason, tho! And it rhymes with Trip Benzy. Basically, I was over here hustling hard on my script game and managed to spit out a feature script (my 4th one in total!) in 30 days! Something I’ve never done before so quickly! So yeah, that had all my attention, Pinchers, but I’m back to give ya’ll some pinch-tention. Trust me, this cutesy “pinch” thing will get old soon. And I’ll STILL do it. Because I’m cornier than a husk.

Could this post feature ANY other picture? No, rhetorical answerer, the answer is no.

Hate.

If John Lennon was alive today (R.I.P. btw), he’d probably have an epic Twitter beef with 21st century “rappers” and “goons” about his infamous song title, “All You Need Is Love.”

Or at least that’s how it would happen in the delusional world called my imagination. Oooh! Imagining! Something else the late John Lennon was a proponent of.

The theory/act of hating (or… “Haterism” as I like to call it) has always intrigued me. Especially nowadays, where “hating” or “having haters” has the ability to trump any talk of love in common conversations. Le shock and horror!

There are a few components of Haterism that particularly… intrigue me for lack of a better word. “Intrigue me” can be loosely substituted with “cause me to make several o_O or -_O or e_O faces”, by the way.

1. Haters = Success. Oh? I totally get that negativity is a form of adrenaline and inspiration toward becoming successful, but I can’t help but think that this adage has gone a tad bit too far. In fact, there is an ACRONYM for the term, “haters.”

H.A.T.E.R.S. – Having Anger Toward Everyone Reaching Success.

And ya’ll KNOW ish has gone too far when there is acronym made from it. I’m kinda uncomfy with some folks’ implication that true success is measured from some douchebag that pisses in your Kool-aid AND it only gives undeserved ninjas carte blanche to use this as a means to confirmation of said success.

Which only brings me to…

2. Hating In Mirror Are Falser Than It Appears. Probably my biggest pet peeve regarding Haterism abuse is this:

FOLKS WHO HAVE LESS THAN ZERO THINGS TO HATE ON CLAIM TO HAVE HATERS.

THEE number one requirement to have haters is to have something to hate on. So, booboo on your 20in rims on a Honda Civic, Sir. Or booboo on your weave made from virgin molerats, Ma’am. Which of course, I have to get on my segway to segue to…

3. Legit Criticism ≠ Hating. Liken it to folks who call EVERY single thing “epic.” The very definition of “epic” loses all of the value because it isn’t distinct anymore. Same concept with hating. Not every single bout of criticism can be deemed as hating. I ain’t sorry bout 2004 nor am I sorry about that. You just gotta face it, sometimes the criticism ain’t coming outta nowhere. There actually is some basis behind it and it may be something to think about. Hell, it may be — gasp — constructive, and said to inspire you to do better because that person knows you can. PERISH the thought. And I’d also include the note to certain celeb stans that anything other than “glowing-gasm 100% positive comments” ain’t hating by default, but that would also require the assumption that they have sense. And I don’t have that assumption ability.  So, I won’t include it.

Even beyond the above ones I’ve mentioned, one of the most interesting and intriguing aspects of Haterism has been the idea that…

4. Hating Was Established On Venus. Meaning that, basically, hating is primarily a “chick thing.”

… JIGGER WHAT?! Allow me to express the feeling I have for that thought in the best way I know how: this.

Oh, because you happen to witness our hateration in this dancery in a more public manner, that means it’s the only proof of existence? Tell that to subtle racism. Anyway.

What I find more interesting is that ANY expression of a man commenting on another man is deemed “gay” (if my eyes rolled any more, they’d also rock), which automatically cancels out any public discourse. Welp, peer pressure! Doesn’t mean it ain’t happening, though. Besides, ain’t Drake slander ya’ll version of “she think she cute?”

Ok, I’m totally being tongue-in-cheek with that comparison. OR AM I???

But yeah, for some reason “women hating other women” is some grandiose issue that we only suffer from. On a whole ‘nother level, I have a feeling men kinda get off on women hating other women. Several months ago, there was some rumor on the internets about Idris Elba possibly dating a white chick. Now, I haven’t actually confirmed this to be true or found any updates… I was too busy living the #shruglife and continuing my leisurely hobby that consists of lusting after his pictures. But, when this rumor broke out, I expected to see TONS of women threatening to leap out of their desk chair to their death, but what I saw most of?

Men HA-ha-ing to all the Black chicks on some Nelson Muntz mess. Like, most of my Twitter timeline was FILLED with men Dougie-ing in celebration that all the Black Womenz were gonna go NUTS and hate on this hypothetical white chick. OR maybe they were glad the Woman-Idol wasn’t checking for them (because yes, dating ONE or even several non-Black chicks means you don’t like Black chicks at all -_-) because these men were always… I don’t know… hating on him? Awwwww, of course not!

Oh, and by the way, since this post is already long enough, I TRULY hope that by saying “men” or “women” is automatically assumed that I don’t mean ALL men or ALL women, because having to specify the exact number of (wo)men (separating them by race, class, height, weight, location, etc.) would take a whole bunch of time and eff up a sister’s word count like a mug. *smize*

Pinchers, what you think about Haterism in general? Has it now evolved to simple B.S. or is there still some validity to it… at all? Speak on it!

Love ya like Tupac hologram jokes love to come back as much as Tupac,

Cheekie

Pinchworthy: Old Navy Accessories

I luh me some Old Navy. I’ve had a longtime relationship with them ever since high school. Back into time!

I’ve watched them evolve, expand and merge with Gap, Banana Republic, Piperlime an’nem. I even got that young Gap credit card. Which, I’ve had for years before the Gap/Old Navy marriage, so when they did join in a lovely union, I was thrilled that I got to use my card there as well. And get to tell those pesky persistent sales associates that I ALREADY GOT A CARD, THO.

As Old Navy has matured, so has what they have to offer. From a dope workout clothes section to a well-designed and easy website, they’ve upgraded their own crib like Bey (allegedly) did to Jay.

Nothing has impressed me more than their accessories section, though. Ya’ll. I remember when Old Navy first started offering an accessories section. It was a SECTION. Meaning, it was just a little display table with about 2 jewlery holders and maybe some headbands thrown in there somewhere.

Now?

MOTHEREFFING NOW?!!

Their accessories section is an entire AISLE. I went to the Old Navy located on State Street in Chicago and was effing enraptured by their collection. And yeah, I went a little buckwild in terms of purchases.

I can show ya better than I can tell ya (don’t worry, I didn’t say that in the “Black Grandma” voice):

As ya’ll can tell (and to those who follow me on le Twitter, you ALLLLLLLLready know), I’m an earring ho. *giggles* By the way, that set of hoops in the fourth picture up there is a 3 pack earrings set. Yes, they are earrings. They big. Pow!

Of course Old Navy HAD to be all customer service-y and give me “Super Cash” after my purchase so that I could come BACK and wreck shop once again. And come back I did. Like a gottdayum sequel.

Got a few more thangs:

Obviously was feeling a bit springy and vacation-y with the most recent purchase.

I’m also feeling a bit hyper adverb-y with this post. SMH.

Pinchers, if you love accessorizing in ANY format, I highly recommend Old Navy as a choice. Those ninjas done stepped up their game like a mug! Hell, like a tumbler!

So, how ya’ll like my picks? Any favorites? Any threats to come to my crib and steal them?

I’ll most certainly be back to stock up on necklaces and bracelets, which I hardly wear but will start doing more of that soon…

Love ya like Rose Nylund loves tales from St. Olaf,

Cheekie

Friday Foolery: Never Forget

I don’t have the best memory.

One may even call me “senile.” I seem to forget the most important ish like someone’s birfday or to note something epic that may serve one of my writing projects.* My sister always says “You’re too young to be that damn forgetful.” Welp! Ok, I’m forgetful.

And yet I can totally remember the entire script, word-for-word, intonation included to “The Lion King”, which debuted about 18 years ago. (O_O)

Huh.

Like that example, there are just some things you can never forget. Even when it’s gone from your direct vision. Case in point, I saw the following tweet from Mr. Dimples w/ a hot NY accent himself, Streetz a loooonnnnng while back:

RT @streetztalk YO RT @wayno119: Wow RT @SirSKRIBE: @Wayno119 THIS is even funnier, he has a RIP shirt on and is ON an RIP shirt http://twitpic.com/8ag9cw

What they trippin’ about? Wellll…

– What in the undertaker matrix HELL?!

– Lemme get this 180 degrees straight. Ya’ll mean to tell ME. … That not nann person in this gentleman’s family and/or friend circle, could find another picture of him in which he was NOT wearing a “R.I.P.” for somebody else???

– For serious. That shirt is like the song that never ends. Or the gifts in cartoons that the cartoon open only to find another box, then another, and so on. LET me find out the dude IN the tshirt was also wearing a “R.I.P.” shirt for HIS homie, too. I’m so curious as to what’s underneath his folded arms right now.

– And dude on the phone in that pic, too. I wonder if he was calling to make reservations in heaven.

– Now that I think about it, I have a feeling that his peoples chose this pic because he was wearing his best pants. Look at him lookin’ SHAHP on his honoree tshirt.

– OR! Or he could’ve specifically requested that this be his tshirt pic because he knew dayum well it would be legendary. Way to be epic, homie!

– He look like Paul Wall.

Yeah, Big Jerry, you will most certainly not be forgotten, ever. Because I can’t say I’ve ever seen someone ON a R.I.P. shirt WEARING a R.I.P. shirt. In fact, the person who uploaded the pic said it best in the pic’s caption:

“Im pretty sure this should cause a space time continum rip. he has a RIP shirt on and is ON an RIP shirt “

Basically.

Pinchers, what say you? You ever seen something like this before? Would YOU request something like this so you’d be gone but not forgotten? Let me know.

Happy Easter! How you like yo eggs? Fried or fertilized?

Love ya like the Cadbury Bunny loves clucking,

Cheekie

*Somehow, I manage to forget this in SUCH a short time span, too. Like, I’d actually take OUT my phone to write what I NEED to remember, get distracted by some dumb ish, then go back to my phone like, “Wait… what was I ‘sposed to put in here again?” SMDH @ my life.